Son touched in the privates at school

[Howmanynamestaken]

So my son is 9 and yesterday was in the playground at lunch with his friends. Another boy from his class and normally friendly with, comes up to the group and starts poking at my son in the privates, told to stop but didn't. Tried with others in group but apparently didn't connect. Also tried touching the girls bums.
My son held his arms to his side to stop him and the boy started doing the humping motion. Another child from the group eventually went to get a member of staff.

School sent me a message to ask me to stay for a chat at pick up. My son was at after school club so I wasn't there at the same pick up as other parents Inc the boy at fault.

The teacher explained a little incident had occurred of 'tipping and tapping' that ended up with tipping in an inappropriate area. I assumed my son was part of the group tipping but then asked if that was the case. The teacher didn't know as not on duty at lunch but said that he had told staff he felt very uncomfortable.

Upon collecting my son I was soon informed that he had bore the brunt of this boy poking him in his privates, he told him to stop, others did to buy the boy didn't. My son was very annoyed. We had an errand to do after school so went to there. As I parked up I received a text from a parent to check on my son as hers was very concerned for him. Later another phoned to check on him so it became apparent that this was no game and completely inappropriate. It also transpires that this same boy held my son against a fence a few days earlier and was trying to hump him.

The boy initially denied everything and his mum took his part. Only yours after and numerous confirmations from the other children targeted did she manage to get an admission. We have received a short voice note apology from the boy, nothing from the mum in the form of an apology for his behaviour or for doubting my son.

School have told her he will lose playtime on Monday. That's it! Surely the principal as safeguarding lead should be involved? Surely we should have been brought into a proper meeting and given full details, not a story about a game gone too far and no indication that my son was the main target. I'm furious and would like to hear from anyone who has any experience with anything similar. Thanks

I’m sorry this happened to your DS. I can’t work out from the series of events what the school knows, what action has been taken or whether some parents have taken it upon themselves to speak to the parent.

The mum is very unlikely to admit if there is safeguarding involvement and the school won’t/can’t tell you what they’ve done or what agencies/advice they’ve sought. (I wouldn’t be expecting an apology from the parent to be honest especially if there are other things going on.)

I would phone the school on Monday and ask for a phone call or meeting with the head or SLT in charge of pastoral/DSL. Take in a factual account of what happened when, who to and who witnessed what and make sure it matches what the school knows. Somewhere in the behaviour or safeguarding policy there should be something about child on child abuse, see if you can find it and has the policy been followed. You can ask if the school are taking it as a safeguarding matter and what are they doing to safeguard your son to make sure that this doesn’t happen again. Then you can make a decision whether you are happy with the response and whether to make a formal complaint. Complaints policy has to be on the website.

I would be wanting a meeting with the head and involving safeguarding.

Something really wrong with that child - sen involved?
if so, the boy needs to be one-on one - so inappropriate its unreal

In addition to the above suggestions, I would keep everything in writing. I had a similar experience, myself, that the school handled poorly. The headteacher tried keep everything verbal/undocumented which made it easier for her to suppress/not address our concerns.

I'm sure the safeguarding lead is involved but they cannot discuss this with you. School will be taking this seriously

Clearly school cant say much but surely they can say that 'action is being taken'

I would be absolutely furious. I would be requesting a meeting with the headteacher and safeguarding lead. I would honestly be considering reporting this to the police. It’s sexual assault. The police are very unlikely to take action but they’ll involve social services and it’ll prompt the school to take it as seriously as they should be

Thank you for the replies so far. I understand the school can't tell me every detail of the action being taken, I work in a school. I just find it attrocious that they have played it down as if it was a game of tag gone wrong and that the principal hasn't even spoken to the boy in question.
Possibly that was to happen on Monday but I know my principal would have dealt with this immediately and the 'victims' parents fully informed of the details of what took place.
I am conflicted with the fact he is only 9 (soon to turn 10) and therefore still learning but also very concerned that he didn't know to stop when told to and refused to admit what he had done to his mum.
I will be speaking to the head on Monday to see what they know.

9 year old don’t usually behave like this unless they’ve seen it themselves so be aware that the perpetrator is also likely to be a victim too. That said, safeguarding needs to be put in place. In my school this would be along the lines of “Bob can never be unsupervised” so even going to the toilet, he’d have an adult accompanying him. Bob would also be sat in direct sight of an adult in class. Minimising it isn’t helpful for any of you, in a few years this child would be facing assault charges for behaving similarly.

Absolutely report to the police and escalate with the school - sounds like they lied to you about what they knew happened. Agree with previous posters that the perpetrator may well be a victim of abuse too- but that doesn't alter the need to safeguard other children from him. Child on child sexual abuse is sadly very common.

I've DM'd you as we have been through something similar but it's too outing a story to tell here but I hope it helps. Sending you strength to deal with this and get the school to step up and do their job to protect your DS and other children.

Thanks for the replies everyone, much appreciated!