Teacher has told my son he can't play with his friend anymore

[RFinley]

My son is five and has just moved from reception to year 1. He has been close friends with another boy also 5 since pre school (so since 2) and I know his mum well. My son has come home from school very upset because he has said he has been told by his teacher they are not allowed to play together or be friends anymore. I approached his teacher to ask (they've only been in this new class for two weeks) and she confirmed they were having small fall outs so she told them it's better for them not to be friends or play together. The teacher did not bother to mention this to either parent. Obviously I am angry because this is impacting my son as he has viewed it as not being allowed to have a friend now (that he has had for a long time) and tbh I think it is juet lazy teaching because she can't be bothered to mediate normal 5 year old fall outs. Any advice? I've asked the teacher for a call.

I think the other parent is likely to have had a quiet word. That or your son has translated 'you both need to play with someone else now' to 'you can't play with your friend ever again'.

It's a good idea to watch the dynamics when your son is next with that child in an out of school setting. Or have you not seen the children together out of school? If you haven't I'd be listening carefully to the teacher here.

This sounds like a "If you can't play nicely, play woth someone else and stay away from each other." comment, rather than a fill on ban. Pretty sensible really if when they do play together one or both ends up unhappy.

This. We spoke to a teacher when our child was on the receiving end of poor behaviour which didn’t get better - hitting, our child not being allowed to play with other children (the child would get upset and lash out) and in the end we decided that they needed to be separated. The other parents had no idea about any of this, including how their child had been behaving towards our child.

So there will be a good reason. I’d leave it and encourage your child to make new friends.

I agree, you are making a mountain out of a molehill and seem determined to find the teacher at fault, when they have acted perfectly reasonably. It sounds like you want another conversation with the teacher just to have a go at her, to be honest. Perhaps your son has been emulating this behaviour of browbeating/bullying, and that’s what caused the issue in the first place.

the teacher is probably helping quite honestly - i wish the teacher in KS1 had been more assertive to a shit of a kid who constantly belittled one of mine/fell out etc

Kids that age need to branch out and not have just select friends, its not good for them

This is exactly the case I witnessed. Possessive behaviour by one child was causing a lot of distress to the other and they had to be separated.
Based on your son's reaction, I wouldn't exclude that this might be the scenario here.

Chat to your son. Encourage him to make friends with other children in the class and reassure him that he will have lots of children to play with, not just one. Tell him the teacher wouldn't separate them if they were playing nicely and behaving well in class and ask what sort of things were happening to make her say this.

Tell the teacher how upset your son now is and ask the teacher if they can be allowed to play together provided they play nicely and pay attention in class.

If they are friends outside school, invite the child for some playdates and observe their behaviour.

Also subtly try to have a chat with the other mum and ask if she has found the friendship tricky and felt they needed a break from each other.