My 4 year old has started reception and a boy is being mean to her and hurting her

[Beckym2]

Hi so, my daughter is four and has just started primary school. we are three taster sessions (half days) and one a full day in and 3 out of the 4 she has come home saying that she has been hurt by the same person. She said it is a boy and he pulled her hair the first day, the second day he punched her in her arm and yesterday which was a long day, she came home saying that he had pinched her arm and she has nail marks in her arm. so I am 100% not happy. I get kids are kids and 4 year olds are young and don't quite understand but to it for it to be the same boy (she said this) pretty much everyday is a bit excessive. Yesterday me and her daddy told the teaching assistant. She said that my daughter showed her her arm after lunch and that she didn't tell the teacher who it was and said it was three different people. Understandably again, they don't quite understand. So she reiterated as did i to my daughter to tell the teacher straight away and ask them their name. I have been telling my daughter this all yesterday evening and all morning this morning. This morning she told me a name of who it was, so when I did drop off this morning I told the actual teacher and I said were you made aware that my daughter has come home saying that she's been hurt by someone and the teacher said yes and that she didn't tell them who it was. I told the teacher who she had named and the teacher got quite defensive in my opinion and said oh it couldn't have been him because he was being dealt with somebody else, he was nowhere near here at the time. (But surely if my daughter told him it happened straight away they could narrow down who it was from who was by her) But I'm pretty sure my daughter didn't tell her straight away. anyway, I said to the teacher well that's who she said it was. But she just seemed very oh it couldn't be him, and seemed so sure of it because he was being dealt by somebody else but if she knew when it happened and knew it wasn't him then surely she'd know who did so I'm guessing he wasn't near her at the time she told the teacher which means nothing. So I'm thinking that he was nowhere near her when she told the teaching assistant which could be any time. But I just feel negatively about her attitude towards it all as I expected her to at least say thank you for letting me know, I'll keep an eye on what happens etc. I expected her to reassure me that my child who is getting physically hurt would be looked after and kept an eye on but instead I get a defensive response and no reassurance. It's only 4 days in and I don't want to cause a fuss but I'm thinking of changing her class. Is that too drastic? I don't know.. I don't want be a pain but I don't want to keep sending my child to school where she's going to get hurt and they're not that bothered about it? (Reception is split into 3 classes) I don't want her positive attitude toward school to be hindered by some kid. Thanks for any advice x

The problem is that you don't know who did it. Your DD has named several different people (understandably - she might not remember everyone yet!)

The only thing you can do is tell your DD that she must tell a teacher right away so they can deal with it. Hopefully they will be keeping an eye on things now they've been told.

I don't think you will be able to just change class though. They aren't going to just swap two children around.

When you say you’re thinking of changing her class, so you mean changing the school? If it’s the class you’re talking about, school staff will have divided the children into those groups and you can ask for her to be moved to a different group, but they hve formed those groups to a range of criteria, so it may not be as straightforward as it seems.

You can change schools, depending on whether any local to you have a space. Infant class sizes mean that numbers are very strictly applied.

Perhaps ask for a meeting with the teacher, rather than trying to catch her when it’s busy and if you’re not happy after that, you could ask to see the head.

It is very early days and they’re all still settling in.

The way to address this is to talk to the teacher about how they will keep your DD safe, regardless of who exactly it might be that's hurting her. So, when/where are these incidents happening - is there a pattern to it? If there is, what can they do to intervene to prevent any more incidents.

Ask the teacher if you can have a short meeting after school to discuss it, rather than trying to chat ad hoc on pick up or drop off.

You won't be able to change her class, that's not something parents can do, unless you mean move her to another school that might have space.