UK after school clubs

[PacificAtlantic]

DH and I can’t agree about after school clubs for the kids aged 7-11.

Me: they’re a valuable educational extra and good chance to build a social network.
DH: they make the kids stressed having additional schedules to remember and they increase grownup admin.

Context - one music, social, language and sport club a week.

I’d really love to hear points of view from both sides on this as we are struggling to agree and there’s no easy middle ground.

Explain the context further - you've listed 4 clubs. Is each kid doing 4 clubs a week? Or....?

And why is compromise difficult - you want 4, he wants 0. You agree to 2.

Yes number of children and commitment to sessions makes a big difference here? We have three children and have always said a maximum of 3, but ideally 2 clubs. One of these is swimming which is only 30 minutes and a mile down the road. When gymnastics was one of them, that was three 2 hour sessions a week which was way too much.

I agree on compromise in your situation! My DC does 7 (!!) but 5 count as after school childcare which we need.

I think when he's 7ish I'll let him drop whichever he'd like as long as he keeps a couple. So far he adores them all though so I guess time will tell!

Every child is different, as is every family in what they can facilitate and afford. We find 2 is more than enough for DS, he has plenty he is interested in but when we've tried 3 clubs outside of school it becomes too much; some of his friends do loads though without issue! If you both can't agree then as there isn't really a right or wrong probably time to try and reach a compromise.

I feel extra curricular are important and they are always cited as being the value added stuff. Throughout primary from Yr 2-6 we always did 1 x sport + 1 creative eg drama. These were on top of swimming lessons and after school clubs + additional music lessons at school. They are a great way of meeting new people and building friendships outside of school.

I think it depends on the child. My eldest child who is 10 loves to be busy and loves doing all clubs and activities. She gets loads out of them and you can see the benefits. My youngest who is 7 prefers time at home to chill. He does one club on a Sunday morning which he loves and that's more than enough for him.

It’s the four per child that I listed.

Mum of 17 year old here:

Are the clubs chosen there to fix your life admin(extra hours you can work) or to let your DC try something new/find a passion/hate and give up having tried?

Most parents I know threw their younger children at lots of activities, BUT let them ditch them. There are/were a significant minority of DD's friends who couldn't cope until they were in their teens and were gently guided to find their "thing".

It depends on the child, but try to push them outside of their comfort zone if that feels right (or let the school find it for them if they can).

4 is a lot.
4x2 is even more unless they are same time / same place.
Do your DC beg to do them?
Who does all the running around and admin?

Extra curricular clubs can be an absolute asset with activities such as learning to swim or honing a sports skill.
Forming a new social circle of like minded children who share a common interest can be beneficial to a child who finds school friendships more challenging.
My eldest daughter has a great career purely down to an after school club that fuelled her interests.
Don’t underestimate the power of them!

4 clubs per child is too much in my opinion. They need down time as much as we do.

I’d be looking to drop one, if not two from each child

Extra curriculars are incredibly beneficial for young people.

Life enriching, life skills, socialising, fun and depending on the activities good for fitness and adventure.

My DS does 2 per week and my DD does several - she's super sporty and a real social butterfly.

Both do scouts and the rest are sport related.

What do the DCs want to do? That's the most important consideration in my opinion.

I think out-of-school activities are really important and these can be clubs or other things, obviously.

My DC all did swim lessons until they were about 9-10, and all did Scouts (and Guides for DD) till they were teens. Then they mostly did one other tho tbf DS2 did a lot of sports ones at one stage.

I think four per child per week is quite a lot for them and also to manage. I guess it depends. Swimming for example was 30 mins; Beavers was an hour after dinner. But DD's dance took up a couple of hours. And the cost can also be a factor for most people. I think it's foolish to take the view that it's four clubs a week or no clubs a week - there must be a compromise.

So I think despite what you say @PacificAtlantic there is an easy middle ground. Swimming until you can swim was a must for me. Other than that it was down to their own interests. Certainly sport has given DS2 an interest, a social life, the chance to travel, many many new friends, ability to compromise and work as a team, and so much more. Well worth it.

It depends.
Do the children enjoy them
Are they picked up at 3.30 from school, or 6pm from childcare
Can you get them there
Are they hanging around waiting for their sibling a lot
And again... do the children enjoy them?

I'm another who feels it depends on the child and the family situation. My eldest has always thrived on being busy and stimulated. Last year, when he was in year 6, he was doing swimming, scouts, hockey (practice & matches), piano, football at school & forest school. This was great for him, and we were able to accommodate it, albeit a bit of a struggles at times. Our younger child needs much more down time, and lives having unstructured time at home. He only does swimming & cubs. We did have him doing more activities, but he was my happy, so we changed things.

basically, OP, how are your children reacting to the current schedule. If they're happy, it's fine. If they're not, maybe reduce things.

Depends on a few factors….most importantly.. do you have the cash to cover it with no stress and are your kids enjoying them? At 6+ I think it’s really important that they get to try a variety of activities and that you follow up when they express an interest in something new. I feel really sad for kids who just stagnate in front a screen after school… saying that I also totally appreciate that for many families with full time working parents and/or financial constraints it’s just not possible.

Depends on the child, financial situation etc but I reckon my 8yo is learning just as much from clubs as she does from school. She’s learning about getting her stuff organised, practicing, listening, working at things that don’t always come naturally and getting exercise. She’s the type that would do every activity going although starting to realise she needs to protect some weekend time to chill- she was doing too much last year.

My youngest has benefited in different ways. She is naturally shy and her activities have really developed her confidence. She takes a while to warm up to new people and it’s been a really important part of pushing herself a bit. Some have taken nearly 2 years of persevering but she is now really getting a lot of enjoyment and doing well in a variety of clubs whereas the first few weeks she was too shy to join in or speak to anyone.

I don't see the obsession with all these clubs at such a young age. Kids need time to relax too. My ds has only just started school but I'll try maybe 1 or 2 at the most weekly when he's a little older.

I haven't voted as it isn't really a yes / no question.

I think it is very, very valuable to do 'something' outside school.
Important for friendships; for working with different people (both peers and adults); important for new experiences; important for mental health; important for getting into a habit of "work" (School in this case) not being the be all and end all of your life; important for building skills.

However 4 different things does seem a lot.

Especially as many things that start as once a week, need further practice or further events.

As some many others have said - the obvious compromise here is to do 2, or 3 (depending on lots of other factors from the child's enthusiasm to the logistics of getting them there and back and cost etc.).

I think 4 is too many - children also need time to just 'be' and do their own thing at home after school. My children used to do 2 clubs each and that was plenty.

Tell your husband to do all the pickups and drop-offs at school without any of the clubs and see if he then changes his tune.

My Y6 daughter does 7 clubs a week and loves it.
My Y4 son does does 6 clubs a week and also loves it.

We once took them out of a few clubs as they were getting a bit tired but they were no happier for it.