Unsure what steps to take on daughter being pushed

[Dazyw29]

Picked child up from school first year primary. Met by teacher on finishing to tell me she had accident trapped fingers in door and she tripped over and hurt her lip also. On getting home my daughter is telling me the story of how teacher pushed her so she grabbed door and someone closed the door on her fingers. Upon trying to get some more information about the 1st made up story they told me I’ve not got anywhere really unsure what to do. Whether to escalate this with the police or not? She also had said she was in the gym and something hit her in the face and bumped her lip not the story the teacher had told me. She was crying so much and I’ve just been told that kids do make things up. But I don’t see why she would have made this up. Possible to misinterpret something as a child but not to lie like this as a 4 year old. There is no gain. Please help as previous nursery she was at was closed by ofsted for abusing kids. I do not want her to go through this again so I’ve took her out of school until I get to the root of it. Am I doing right?

I understand your very vigilant given the previous nursery but I think the police is a huge over reaction. Phone school and email ( in case no one answers) and ask to talk to the teacher tomorrow.

I’ve spoke to the school on the phone and just made me feel like I was doing wrong. Spoke down to me. This why I’ve asked the wonderful internet to see if I’m being crazy. My daughters a lovely girl and is so nice to people. She doesn’t just lie about things and feel the school is protecting the teacher. Asked for accident form to see what has been said. I will have to go into the school Monday and have a meeting then I should think best thing to do?

I’ve spoke to the school on the phone and just made me feel like I was doing wrong. Spoke down to me. This why I’ve asked the wonderful internet to see if I’m being crazy. My daughters a lovely girl and is so nice to people. She doesn’t just lie about things and feel the school is protecting the teacher. Asked for accident form to see what has been said. I will have to go into the school Monday and have a meeting then I should think best thing to do?

I would correspond via email and if that is not possible in the first instance follow up with email after every correspondence in regards to this. Always listen to your children and follow your gut

What country are you in? Schools are not in term time in uk

also this got a bit of an eye roll
She doesn’t just lie about things

I know she’s your pfb but ALL children lie… you are deluded if you think otherwise. That isn’t to say she isn’t telling the truth or her version of the truth.

certainly go and talk to the school f2f but I think it’s highly unlikely a teacher pushed her intentionally or otherwise …
I can easily see hands accidentally getting trapped in doors it’s (unfortunately) a very common childhood accident

I would request a meeting with the head to try and get some answers. But if it's her word against the teacher they'd are more likely to believe the teacher.

But still a good idea to get the facts and have it documented.

If you are still unhappy you would need to put a complaint in

Your child is in reception?

I think it's highly unlikely that the teacher pushed her.

I have taught children who have changed their story several times about what caused their injury. I'm not entirely sure why they do this - perhaps it is that they think the parent wants answers to their questions, when the simple answer is that they tripped or they aren't actually sure how it happened 🤷‍♀️.

I think you are being very dramatic about suggesting the need to involve the police. The school are probably quite bemused by your reaction.

Speak f2f with the teacher on Monday.

Did you read her full post?

Scottish schools went back weeks ago.....

Scotland will have gone back already.

I would go into school to see the accident report. I understand you wanting to see what has been reported. But small children don't always get things complete right. I'm not saying she lied just it's her first day of school, new environment and she got hurt, she may not remember exactly how it happened correctly. So don't just go in assuming what the teacher said is wrong.

If you feel they didn't handle it correctly then you would escalate to Ofsted or Scotland equivalent or followed the schools complaints procedure which should be on their website. This isn't a police matter.

I've been back teaching for two weeks, in U.K. last time I checked!
The chances of a teacher deliberately pushing a small child are vanishingly small. They would know this is career ending. It doesn't necessarily mean your dd is lying though - she may think this happened, she may have been pushed accidentally, or been touched briefly while the teacher was herding them through the door.
I'm not saying it is impossible that a teacher deliberately hurt your 4 year old, but the odds are in favour of this not having happened.

The perception that your 4 year old DD has and the information given to you by the teacher may both be true.

If you genuinely feel that the staff at this school deliberately push children into doors to hurt them, and then lie to parents, then you have already lost all trust in the teachers and the school. If you think this is the case, what could they do to ever reassure you or address your concerns?

I get you completely it’s just the school wanted me to basically dismiss it instantly and acted like I’m being silly. I’m not going to ignore my child’s concern like they expected me to do. That rings alarm bells. Story changed from adults and my child’s story has stayed the same. Just seems off and just want to make sure I’m doing all I can. What sort of parent would I be to simple accept this without challenging it.

Your daughter perhaps hasn't lied maliciously. Teacher could have put her hand on her back and gently moved her forwards, which is fine, however your daughter has interpreted it as a push. Police would be a huge overreaction.

Kindly, I think your experience with the nursery has coloured your view here. As others have said, it may be your child's perception of what happened.

I think seeing the accident reports and having a further discussion with the school it a good idea.

However going forwards your child is going to be at school of one type or another for a long time. Going in with a very accusatory tone for example could damage your relationship with the school. Think about how you would feel if you were accused of pushing a small child and you hadn't.

What exactly is the schools story and how has it been changed? It does seem rather strange that there have been two separate incidents, on the same day and you believe school to be lying about them both???
I also agree with a previous poster. You already have no trust or confidence in this school I would be looking for somewhere else.

I think it's highly unlikely that the teacher pushed your child - especially as she's a well behaved child. It's much more likely that she was maybe behind the teacher and teacher accidentally bumped into her. You can ask to see the accident form but I doubt it will get you anywhere.

My friends 5 year old told her parents that I had broken a fan. She was quite adamant. Actually what happened was that the little girl had tried to move the fan and it had come into two pieces ( top came off the pole bit) at which point I took it off her. ( She was trying to be helpful and moving it so that a drawer could be accessed).

I pointed this out to her gently.

She said "but I don't want it to be me" (that broke it).

Her perception was - she saw it in 2 pieces in my hands

• she had been trying to be helpful rather than doing something " naughty'
• she didn't want to be responsible for it

So it had to be me that broke it not her.

Your daughter may not be lying to you exact but her perception may not be accurate either. Her teacher may have had her hand on her back guiding her through the door when another child closed it and she has interpreted it as teacher 'pushing'.

It is really unfortunate to have 2 accidents like this on the first day of school but I would chill about this for now. Comfort your daughter about her injuries and try and chill yourself as it is really really unlikely that they were done deliberately.

Just try and set a positive tone going forwards.

If there is really a problem ( which is vanishingly unlikely) then other children and parents will be saying things too.

Speak to the teacher in person, with a member of SLT present and be open minded. Let them say their part, then you put your daughter’s version of events across. It’s vanishingly unlikely that a teacher would risk their career to actively push a child but there’s no cast iron guarantee that it wouldn’t ever happen.

Just be aware that young children are very focussed on themselves, so can struggle to interpret events accurately if there are shades of grey involved, e.g. the teacher may have accidentally knocked her but all your daughter would have felt is the push.

A colleague last year faced an issue like this; a very angry older boy was kicking off physically in the corridor outside the classroom. One of her six year olds wanted to go out and see what the commotion was about, colleague asked him to stay inside and moved towards the door with the intent of closing it. 6yo ran to the door, colleague put her arm across it to prevent him entering the corridor and getting hurt. 6yo’s interpretation of the event was that his teacher threw him back into the classroom and slammed the door when he just wanted to go for a walk. He wasn’t lying as such, it’s just that that’s how he saw the situation.

The Schools are back in Scotland

Really, what is more likely, a four year old makes up
a story/misinterprets a situation when she’s upset or a professional teacher suddenly takes it into her head to attack a four-year-old? All children make stuff up. They aren’t lying necessarily. They are bonkers little creatures who believe in tooth fairies.

It's not necessarily a lie, just that what they perceive as happening isn't the reality.

I picked dd up from preschool at that age saying Mrs C hit her and then shouted at her.

I have on very good authority (a parent who I trust) who said that what happened was dd went to the toilet with a group. The teacher asked them to wait to walk back together, and dd ran off down the corridor where she ran into Mrs C's hand. Mrs C had her back to dd and tossed something in the bin, and her hand caught dd. She turned round and said firmly, but not shouting "Minimargaret, you know you shouldn't run. Go back to other teacher."

That was it. But to dd it was true.