School Ruining My Sons Life

[bluestoneboys]

My son (8) has autism & adhd, he also has an abuse history and serious mental health problems. He goes to a local school who have been less than helpful. They have refused to help with applying for an EHCP multiple times, openly admitting that they don’t have enough time/staff to watch him constantly etc. he has been bullied, ignored by staff when bullying happens, and then stuck in 3 hour (during class time) detentions on multiple occasions. His teachers call him a liar when he reports that he has been hurt or upset by another child and he is constantly in trouble because everything that goes on at school leads him to a place of so much frustration that he ends up having violent outbursts. He’s been accused of assault on more than one occasion, and even SA (didn’t happen) on another, when I asked for this to be reviewed by someone they made up that their camera system was broken. The Head teacher claims that his behaviour is sinister and he is purposely trying to manipulate and control people and speaks about him like he is a criminal. When he is in school (term time) he is violent at home, dangerous in his behaviour and completely draining to deal with, he talks about suicide and shouts and gets angry at the smallest things, hits me regularly (causing real damage). Everything for him has been so negative and to the point he has been talking about suicide when he comes home from school.
now we are in summer holidays (which I was originally dreading) the last time my child hit me was the last day of school. During summer I have applied for a new school for him but won’t hear back until the 23rd September.
his behaviour, attitude, mental health, everything has been steadily improving over the last 4 weeks, I’m absolutely amazed, he’s been doing math work every day, he’s completed 6 big books, loves to read, he’s learning to swim and he also has been training very hard on his pony.
he is due back at school on the 3rd, and I’m not sure what to do, I can’t contact the school as no one is there, but I’m pretty much set on him not going back, I don’t want him to ever set foot through the doors of that place again. I’m hoping he gets into the other school but there is no guarantee. What would you do? Is there a way that he just doesn’t go back? I don’t have any extra support or anyone that I can ask or wouldn’t really know who to ask… I thought about asking a dr to sign him out for mental health but I don’t know if they would be able to do that, and if they are able, even willing to.
But any ideas would be greatly welcomed

You do have the option to home educate if that would work for your family. Home education for all HEFA is a really informative group on Facebook if you wanted to go down this route, as is education otherwise website. Because he is enrolled in school there would be a process to follow to deregister.

Can you home educate? He’s clearly very very unhappy at school.

Thanks! My only concern I think is that he then may not get into the new school that we’ve applied for
im a single parent and work 4 jobs so it would require a big change and income cut

I have found this group invaluable - both for help at home and options about schools, other agencies etc: - ‘Newbold Hope - family support’ (closed Facebook group - they describe themselves: ‘reducing anxiety-led difficult and dangerous behaviours in children and young people with additional needs and disabilities’)

Early Help - I’ve read mixed experiences on here but they were the first people to take us seriously, held school to account to do what they said they would do and helped us get the ECHP (and later DLA).

For us the ECPH was key. And when school were implementing everything in there and it wasn’t helping we were able to get a place in a special school where he is now thriving emotionally. Unfortunately things had to get really bad for that to happen - multiple suspensions for violent outbursts, he was repeatedly restrained by untrained staff, and in the end spent multiple days in a bare room in isolation. It helped us that school really wanted rid of him and helped to get an urgent ECHP review where a new setting was requested. it’s taken a year for him to recover. I regret not keeping him at home when it got that bad, but I don’t think home education would have been a good option for us and keeping him in the system has given him access to much more support that we could provide.

There is support out there but it can be hard to find and you have to ask for it. It was the toughest thing I’ve ever had to go through, it feels very isolating and shameful at times. Wishing you all the best.

Hi OP,
So much sympathy. Your poor boy.

You can just tell them he can't come in - it's not unusual for children to not be able to . And thus keep him on roll until the new school place becomes available.

Have you looked at your LA's local offer page? There should be a Sendias service there. They can be a mixed bag but give them a ring next week for advice about how to apply for an EHCP yourself. There may also be a parent carer group - sometimes these can be a good source of info and support.

I think he should be strategically sick the first week back while you speak to the potential new school and explain the situation. Make a dossier to show the good work he is capable of when his emotional needs are met.

Do a Subject Access Request to the current school. It'll be useful for EHCP evidence and sounds like the relationship's broken down anyway.

You can apply for EHCP yourself. Use the advice on the IPSEA site. Do that ASAP.

Post on my EHCP support thread no. 3 on here (in the SEN section).

Is this a special school or main stream? Have you looked at specialist provision?