Private school bursary people please help!

[reallyconfusedmostofthetime]

My daughter has been unhappy at her private prep. She's due to move to the senior school this sept. She was promised she could move to her preferred house. Instead she's been put in a house with girls she finds intimidating.
At the 11th hr we've found her a new school.
Her current head is asking for us to pay her notice period at full fees. We have a bursary so this is double what we would normally pay.
We don't have to pay full fees if she stays at the school for her notice period.
She's pretty upset that she can't move with everyone else at the start of the year.
I'm considering selling a kidney 😬
Her current school is a super shiney successful popular growing school.
I know it's not the end of the world and we'll get through it but is he being a dick or is it actually reasonable?

It's worth a rethink. But obviously if trust is lost the school won't be able to do right for doing wrong and a move best all round.

Not sure what the debate is, it's your choice if you want to move schools, however the contract ypu have with the school is applicable. If you agreed to pay 100% fees for x notice period then that's what ypu do. If you choose to move your daughter during the notice period rather than have her attend school during thst period then that's your choice but the head enforcing the terms of your contract doesn't mean he wants her to stay just that they don't want to waiver your contract. Probably more reflective of the threat of VAT than anything why they are holding you to your contract.

The rest to do with why she hasn't settled isn't relevant.

I haven't called them the plastics. There isn't anything wrong with these girls.
She actually wants the trainers such is the peer pressure she feels. And I'll get them.
This isn't indicative of the whole school either. The house she wanted to be in has many of the girls she chats to. I want her to be who she wants. Will she be who she wants if she's worrying about having the right trainers.

I suppose I mean she's polite to everyone. If she was working at school with someone she could work with them. She'd go to a lot of emotional effort to fit and behave how the school would expect her to. I think that's some of her issue. She feels it's a bit weak just to go these are my real not acceptable feelings so it all gets stuffed down. But she doesn't have any what I'd see as proper friends that she sees outside of school. Her twin brother had exactly the same issue, he moved to a grammar in yr7 and now has a lovely group of friends. They even have a band. It's really lovely.
Obv it's a gamble moving. I've seen the new school at a sports event and the teachers were so good with the team and attentive and the girls looked really comfortable and united where as our team - tho they got a medal were all sat in seperate little groups with the coach's chatting amongst themselves.
I wasn't really expecting anything to be done really about the fees but I did wonder if it was everyone else's experience as I've known people on bursary's that have swapped schools quickly.

Avoiding the reasons you're moving.... your daughter has been allocated the place someone else could take.
I would encourage a discussion of - if you can fill this place at half term (totally possible if a child is moving from state school) we only pay half the next term fees.
If they can't fill it with this notice level it is understandable you have to pay the amount for a non bursary student.

whilst you didn’t describe the girls as “plastics”

You described these 12 and 13 year old children as If you have girls that have the same hair styles, wear the same fake tan, the same trainers, the same clothes and don't seem to have friends that don't fit that look

which is unfair

and these girls will not be identikits

she’s been unhappy for… years?

Can you explain why it's unfair?
It's obviously important to them to belong and a certain asthetic makes them feel that. That's ok. They enjoy that. They're into it. They're happy. I'm pretty sure they don't have a burn book.
It might be important for another a group of girls to bond by say ... making a centrally kept list of 300 imaginary pet cat names...
People don't have the same interests. Some peoples interests are silly to others.
She wasn't that happy last yr. She had a new to the school tutor who she found difficult. We had tried to move her in yr7 because we weren't that happy and neither was her brother but at that point she had firm friends and was really into sport and didn't want to.

Can you explain why it's unfair?

if you are a grown assed adult woman and you are describing 12/13year old girls as you have above and genuinely don’t see how it’s unfair… then really Op, there’s little chance of you getting it.

so for the decade she’s been at this school
she’s been happy all bar last year when she wasn’t happy with her tutor?

They are both those absolutely perfect to look at girls that have a group of identical girls around them

”same hair, same fake tan, same trainers, same make up”

”identical”

these are young teen girls op. Within this group they will have many varied interests and personalities and quirks

I don't have any helpful advice about the fees situation but just wanted to say my parents organised a similar move for me aged 14, albeit to a state grammar, and it was 1000% the right thing to do. If you're a quirky teenager who doesn't get excited about boys and hairstyles then being surrounded by, and inevitably excluded by, the sort of girls whose parents pay for them to have fake tans is soul destroying. To be constantly treated as though your personality and values are deficient in some way, and to have the adults who are supposed to be responsible for your wellbeing at school act as though that's your fault, does horrendous things to your self confidence, however supportive your parents are at home.

Short answer: Yes, you have to pay the notice period. In some schools you have to pay back the ENTIRE bursary if you leave before the end. You've left at a natural break, so this doesn't apply, but, unfortunately, you didn't give them enough notice. A fee paying parent would have to take the hit and so do you. I know this seems really unfair because you don't have the money (hence the bursary), but schools do expect some loyalty in return for the bursary. It will be in your contract. The head isn't being a dick. He's applying the rules the board of governors have agreed to protect the school.