How much should you give up for your child’s education?

[Rmk32]

Hello,

My husband and I have been living abroad for over a decade. But now that we have three small children, (aged 4 years, 2 years, and five months) we’re planning to return to the UK and try to set up a stable, calm, environment in which to raise them. We’re trying to decide where this should be.

We’ve spent a lot of time recently Malvern and have fallen in love with this place. We’ve found a great community of friends and we love walking on the hills. During the pandemic it became our redoubt and now it’s our happy place that we return to periodically (we’re here now for my third maternity leave).

We’ve always said we’d send our children to the same independent school I went to. It’s a unique place - a kind of alternative system of education but government funded. It gets great results and also, importantly, really nurtures a child’s spirit. It’s set in beautiful natural surroundings. The class sizes are small and we really think the children will thrive there.

But that school is an hour away from here. And now that we’re actually looking for a home to buy close to this school I feel riven with indecision. Is it right to give up our lives here for the Childrens education?

Friends matter and we’ve made great ones here. It’s also a great place for kids to grow up and my husband and I get on better here - we’re less stressed and work out problems during walks on the hills. For the new school we’d be living somewhere much more rural, with the children coming from towns and villages all around. I don’t know how easily we’d find our community.

How much would you change or give up in your own life for a system of education you believe in?

Grateful for your thoughts!

I think you posted about this before @Rmk32 ? Personally I would in no way consider a 45-min journey each way for a school. Also if you can afford private school for three DC you must work? How would you work around that commute?

So should you move? Well only you can answer that. Is there any way you can live significantly nearer to the school and still near enough to enjoy the Malvern hills? Or is there a similar area near the chosen school?

I'm a bit puzzled by this btw: a kind of alternative system of education but government funded

So is it an independent (private, fee-paying) school or is it a state school? If the latter, in what way is it different from the local state schools near you?

I think on your other thread a lot of people said there were plenty of good schools near you? Have you looked at them? What is drawing you so much to the chosen school? Have you toured it and concluded that it is perfect in xyz way for your DC? Or is the main driver the fact that you went there? I think you need to interrogate this a bit more and see if it really is the best place for them. It's important for DC to have parents who are happy and settled as well - and not resenting them bc they had to give up something they loved.

The alternative system of education sounds like your tribe. So I don't understand your thinking that you're giving something up by moving, you're also gaining so much.

Can you move 15 mins towards Malvern? You'll build a life there and you, rather than the children, can do the 30 mins commute to Malvern for your social life.

Have you looked at The Elms? It might work for you and the children. They can have a simpler life, with friends near by and it will give you all a chance to become part of the community (rather than spending you rlives commuting!).

KSW and RGS Worcester are both excellent private schools and are easily commutable from Malvern.

Where do the children of the friends you've made locally go to school? Are they happy at the local schools? If you're happy in the area and there are good schools nearby I would stay put and send them to the local school.

I’m confused by an independent yet government funded school. But your children are not you, and the school won’t be the same as it was in 1990-2000s when you were there so I wouldn’t let that influence your decision. Especially not as it’s inconvenient. 45 minutes each way would be a massive drain on your time and I think too much when they’re so small. Secondary on a school bus would be fine but I’d want local for ease and friendships when they’re primary age.

Is it independent or state? Can't be both. I would also look carefully at whether it's even the same as when you went there. The flip side is that while Malvern (the various bits) is nice, it's quite isolated so might not be that great for older children. My dp went to school there so it's a trip down memory lane for him, go a fair bit but I couldn't imagine living there, it's got a bit of a strange feel

Can you give an inkling as to direction of school? There are other hills and communities and nice places to walk and people might be able to suggest places to live. Although, presumably, you grew up local to this school, do you want to move back to where you used to live?

Are you confident that recent reviews of the school still suit your ethos? If you are, then I'd probably bite the bullet and move close to it - the Malvern Hills will still be there at weekends.