DS 19 not sure what he wants to do - how do you help guide them?

[SoTiredNeedHoliday]

DS has just finished a gap year but has no idea what he wants to do with his future. How do I help and guide him? What resources can I look for?

What Color Is Your Parachute? 2023: Your Guide to a Lifetime of Meaningful Work and Career Success https://amzn.eu/d/09D2RAXO

Old but a good jumping off point.

https://www.ucas.com

Covers university but also apprenticeships and conservatoires. Also has advice sections.

SWOT analysis?
Strengths, weaknesses, opportunities (what is out there) threats (things that might block)?

At 19 he doesn’t need to know how the rest or even the next bit of his adult life will pan out. But what is important is to keep as many doors open as possible. Therefore if he is capable of studying for a degree (caveat: decent Uni, reasonably academic subject) then he should. He could choose whatever he enjoyed / was best at at A level. If that is not achievable then looking at school leaver training schemes and/or apprenticeships would be worth looking into - the “notgoingtouni “ website is excellent - so many big corporates do non graduate training schemes

@SoTiredNeedHoliday

Which subjects are his A Levels in?

What does he like doing in his free time?

thank you all, there have been some excellent suggestions here. The notgoingtouni site looks great. I don't think he will go to Uni or if he does it will be in a few years when he's gathered more ideas and matured. He doesn't want to build up debt on a course he may not end up using/enjoying

What did he do on his gap year?
What does he enjoy?
The obvious thing is to find a job. Doesn't have to be a "career".
Steady and regular shifts at a local factory/warehouse will be good for getting money and giving time to be able to focus on his non working life (ie hobbies etc) - which may in turn lead to a passion for something that he can then turn into a career.

@Needmorelego I think that you are right, but social media makes it look like all the teens/ early 20's are running businesses and making loads of money.

DS is a bit captured in that false reality and while focused on that he can't see that the important thing is that you actually like what you do for a living.

At 19 the long term focus should be on aiming to end up doing something that gives you a level of satisfaction, not the thing that may make the most money etc.

@SoTiredNeedHoliday

What is his immediate situation, OP?

Will he be living at home for now on and looking for paid work locally, to give him some breathing space while he thinks about the future?

Yes @TheSquareMile but he has had gentle responsibilities placed on him so that he realises he's not on 'school holidays' 😉

@SoTiredNeedHoliday

Something I suppose would help him would be to think about the last few years and identify things he has done which have meant being busy but which were also enjoyable.

I've tried to phrase it in that way to take into account the fact that there are so many ways of being employed. If I sit and think about the people I know now and the people I've met in my life, I realise what a vast range of jobs they all did.

Quite a few have gone down the academic route and spend their days in professions such as the law or medicine; a large number do very different things, though, such as leading outward bound courses for young people or working as support workers.

One friend of mine is a chef; he started out at the age of 16 by asking for work in a hotel kitchen.

When you think about things which your son has enjoyed doing, can you identify something in particular? It might not be a traditional academic subject - he could have different skills, one for a sport or an aspect of the arts - what does he enjoy?

If he sits and thinks about what he enjoys, he may then be able to think about how he can turn that into a kind of paid work which will allow him to be financially independent.

It's tough. I find parents (or at least me as my DS has no father) are the ones they listen to least. My son went to vocational college just as Covid hit - couldn't do the work experience required and couldn't really make friends. It was devastating. It shattered his confidence and though he has always worked since 16, at 20 he is doing a minimum wage job with no opportunity for advancement. He works part time at a gym getting experience teaching classes but doesn't get paid for that yet.it took month for though for him to get up the confidence to even take up that job. He's had counselling. I think time is required. Time to figure things out. Being productive and working of course, but not constantly giving advice and trying to steer them . In my experience you just get push back.
If there's a male adult he looks up to that would be willing to listen (not necessarily advise) that may help. Unfortunately my son does not have that (despite two older half brothers who lived with us for years - another letdown).

@mondaytosunday you're certainly right he won't listen to us. He has a lot of people he could listen to but is instead listening to social media at the moment. I think he still has a lot of growing up to do.
Its really hard to just wait and see. I 100% get push back.

He knows what he is interested in and that is history and outdoor activity. He knows he doesn't want to work at a desk. He has had his heart set on being a Marine, which would suit him perfectly but he's now decided that he won't earn enough in that position...... I hope he can see at some time in the near future that money is not the end game, happiness is.

@TheSquareMile I think your approach is a good one too. I think that I'll start to have some gentle chats/comments here and there about various people we know and the paths that they have taken.

History and outdoors?
Could he become a tour guide?
Maintenance person for a historic building?
(although probably not the levels of £££ he seems to want)

My DS was in a similar position. He left school at 16 and started an engineering course at college. After a year he decided it wasn't for him but didn't know what to do next.
I suggested he think about what he enjoyed doing. It was cooking. He had been cooking a lot at home.

So he found a professional catering course at a different college and did 3 years (so level 3). He has been in continuous employment since and loves his job.

@SoTiredNeedHoliday

You mention his interest in joining the Royal Marines, OP. I'm wondering whether other branches of the Senior Service would interest him.

Warfare Officer springs to mind as a possibility, as he has an interest in history.

Re outdoor activity, he would get that too, even while training.

https://www.royalnavy.mod.uk/navyfit/adventurous-training

https://www.royalnavy.mod.uk/careers/roles/warfare-officer

www.royalnavy.mod.uk/careers/why-navy/pay-and-benefits

If he’s motivated by money then I think a dose of reality is required: that is that graduates tend to earn more at every stage of their career. Not many graduates”use” their degree in a future career (outside of the obvious vocational courses). It is the FACT of a degree which counts (with my usual caveats of decent uni, decent course). He should also educate himself on the nature of student ” debt” which is not really debt at all in the conventional sense

@VanCleefArpels yes its interesting and I would be happy for him to do a degree but only if it is really what he wants to do. Being very dyslexic school hasn't been a great experience, however uni is a totally different environment.

Interestingly what you choose to study is really important and the earnings differences are not that great unless you are studying law, medicine etc., According to the IFS at least

• The subject studied at university is hugely important. Net discounted lifetime returns for women are close to zero on average for creative arts and languages graduates, but more than £250k for law, economics or medicine. Men studying creative arts have negative financial returns, while men studying medicine or economics have average returns of more than half a million pounds.

• The average lifetime earnings gain from undergraduate degrees is substantial for both men and women, but much smaller than the difference between the gross earnings of graduates and non-graduates. The discounted difference in lifetime earnings between graduates and non-graduates is £430k for men and £260k for women. Once we account for differences in characteristics between those who do and do not attend HE, we obtain a discounted lifetime increase in gross earnings of £240k for men and £ 140k for women as a result of attending HE.
• The average gain in net lifetime earnings is even smaller due to the progressivity of the tax system. Once taxes and student loans have been taken into account, the earnings premium declines to around £130k for men and £100k for women (£350k and £230k with no discounting). In percentage terms, this represents a gain in average net lifetime earnings of around 20% for both men and women.

Dd1 went to uni and got a degree
Dd2 wasn't sure about uni and went down the apprenticeship route.
They both earn the same.
Only dd2 doesn't have student debt.
If she hated the apprenticeship she still had uni as an option

thanks @needhelpwiththisplease I think each to their own, If DS does go to uni it will be when he decides, right now I don't think he'd get anything from it.

@SoTiredNeedHoliday

OP, when he said that he wouldn't earn enough in the Royal Marines, even though he had his heart set on it and you thought it would suit him really well, how did he come to that conclusion?

You mention what he has seen on social media about people creating businesses and making a lot of money.

Does he have plans for setting up a business himself?

If he’s not sure, he can have another ‘gap’ year to think about it, but this time one with structure.

Hes interested in the Marines, so he can dedicate 3x a week to training to see if the fitness is even an option.
Hes interested in history, so he can sign up to 1 MOOC a month, for free, to explore learning outside school
And so on for each of his interests, just to get him going. And on top of a part time job of course.

This can be a great starting approach for students who lack direction but equally ready to tackle what’s next head on.

When you say the outdoors what kind of thing does he like?