Not bullied, NT, not struggling academically - but school refusing. Why?

[Neurotypppppp]

DS (10) has disliked school since the start. We switched schools to see if that was it, it helped for a little while, but he still hates it.

He has friends and is well-liked generally (gets invited to play dates and parties and we constantly have kids round here too who are nice and play well), he isn’t bullied, he does really well academically, but cries about going almost every day.

What could it be? He tells me it’s like torture. I’ve spoken to his teacher, she tells me she knows he doesn’t like it but doesn’t have much advice.

I think he’s NT, but we have a history of ADHD in the family. So I wonder if it’s that and he’s ND so needs to learn in a different way? Although he isn’t hyperactive and clearly listens when he’s in lessons as he learns stuff. He shows no ASD signs.

I am really worried about secondary school for him.

Any advice?

Could he just believe he doesn't like school, because he's been saying it for so long. Does he have any anxiety issues? What does the school say? What's his attendance like?
Regardless of if he's NT or not he still needs a education and your doing the right thing making him go, unless it's causing extreme stress

Is he able to tell you what aspect of it feels like torture? How is he once he is there? Is it the transition he struggles with particularly?

My son was like this. Home ed now. A big part of it is he doesn't like to sit still for long, which I expect he will grow out of (he's a bit younger than yours.)

Even if your son isn’t being bullied he is watching other children get bullied and probably walking on eggshells in case he is next in line. My daughter wasn’t being bullied but she became fixated on wearing makeup because she felt being pretty would make her less of a target.
Its no secret now that schools are unpleasant places to be and teachers will stand by and do nothing to protect vulnerable children. That’s just how it is, I would pull your son out of school before he ends up with more entrenched anxiety symptoms.

Why can’t he explain what he hates about it so much?

Have you asked him what he would prefer to do all day instead?

Ask if he wants smaller classes?

There is a reason - I’m sure he knows it

The only other reason I have known kids not want to go to school is if they are worried about their parents (usually DV related)

Maybe it's a sensory thing? That can be hard to articulate if it's always like that.

For instance, I am bothered by fluorescent lighting and if I had to sit in it every day I'd get a migraine. I ruled out a job once because of it.

If your son is particularly sensitive to noise or particularly struggles to sit still for example, that would make school feel intolerable.