Parents Evenings - why does the child have to be there?

[Coatsoff42]

Why are parents evenings more like an annual performance review for the child? Is it a new thing at secondary schools? It’s not what my school did where the parents had the chat with the teacher, and you had to wait and see if you were in trouble or not.
Ive done a couple and it feels like being in my work annual appraisal and even they are a box ticking exercise in false promises for the future. The teachers say ‘child A, to improve your score/performance/grade you need to speak up more in class/contribute more/put more detail into your written work etc’ and the child says yes miss I will and then we walk away and they say, ‘I’m not doing that, I’m doing fine as I am’

I feel that the teachers are not speaking frankly in front of the child, the child doesn’t really care overly much, and we are not able to voice our concerns openly either.

Can someone tell me the advantage of having the child present at parents evening. Or alternatively, what the bloody hell I am there for? They could have that pointless chat any day of the week without me there!!
If there’s any secondary school teachers who can explain the benefits I would very much appreciate it.

Locally, the only schools where your child isn’t with you at these meetings are at private educational settings. From primary level on.

They are intended to be progress reviews so it’s very much reporting how they doing to you and - like all marking schemes - also what they could improve/next steps.

At sixth form the equivalent are termly progress reviews and parents are unlikely to be there as it’s daytime

Because it’s about them. Most children at that age listen to teachers.

‘Primary school dropped them like a hot potato during covid’

Cos absolutely, that’s exactly what happened. There was an unprecedented global pandemic, schools were given guidance that changed daily and, especially during the first lockdown, told that the absolute priority was vulnerable pupils and all parents can see is that their childcare was taken away and they had to look after their own kids for a bit. So now you don’t trust your child’s teachers because of that?

FFS.

(Fully expecting to be flamed by all the parents who expected to have their hands held during Covid btw)

It's ridiculous. Spend mat of it with the teacher asking her how she thinks is she's going- no real input or conversation with the teacher. Always been this way at the school she attends and I don't see the point.

I've definitely been called about those things and my kids go to a massive inner city school!

So why not homeschool then if you don't trust teachers?

If that’s how you feel it may be useful to use private tutors for key subjects.

I haven’t attended with my dc.

Id overhear what happened when child was there - the teacher would just talk to the child. In my mind I wondered why this information wasn’t relayed to the child already.

I preferred the 1:1 without my dc present as it felt more frank and easier to raise concerns.

Teachers are better educators than me, I’m a terrible teacher of anything. It’s not a skill I have.
I think prior to covid I thought the school cared about my children, now I think it is a job like any other and sometimes things slip through the net. I didn’t expect hand holding, but now I see education as more of a numbers game for schools.

I wouldn't want DD there as she takes forever to get to the point of anything.

"So how do you think you are doing in Geography?"... the stopwatch would have timed out before DD got to the end of her first answer.

On my own I can cut to the chase of what I actually want to know.

A lot of the time it's also flagging DD's various SEN that latest teacher wasn't aware of or has forgotten and suggesting techniques they can try.

DD does sometimes sit out of view and listen in.

It is really sad that you feel that way. I can honestly say that I have never felt like that about my children's schools. There are some schools that care and truly want to work in partnership with families. It is a real shame that not all of them do.

I hardly ever had my children with me, I prefer it if they’re not there as I can be more open. My children also didn’t want to be there.

I agree

You have the kid with you so when said kid says “ I’m not doing that, I’m doing fine as I am’ you as the parent can say “ no you need to listen and do as they say so you can get the best scores you can”. It a time for parents to help back the teachers so it helps the scholars be the best them they can be.

I agree. Ours preferred to have the children there from juniors upwards.

It meant parents' evening was approximately 6 minutes of teacher talking to pupil, with pupil squirming awkwardly, and 90 seconds of them offering a A4 sheet of what they were planning on doing for the rest of the year and saying "oh, yes, they're doing fine," with no real definition of whether "fine" was "flyng and well on for getting high grades" or "well, they're never going to do well in this subject, but they're not causing an actual riot most of the time..."

There was no time where you could say to the teacher quietly "actually they're telling me they're having issues hearing from the back/child next to them keeps poking them etc but they don't want to make a fuss." So you'd be left having to do it by email or make a separate appointment, both of which then feels much more fuss being made, so the little things got left.

I always felt they'd have been better to do the child bit in school time with just the child, and then have a quicker parents' evening just with parents later.
Ds was always in a strop because he was missing drama too.

High school is huge. There were 1,300 pupils when I was there. Dozens of classrooms, where the parents' evening was usually in the classroom and not in the school hall (although at different times it was done both ways). And I was doing so many new subjects, I had 15 or so different teachers, and my parents had never met any of them. If I wasn't there, they wouldn't have known who to speak to, they wouldn't have been able to find their way around the building, etc.

Because it’s rude to talk about people behind their backs?

I always took my daughter to parents evening from Reception, if a teacher has feedback for her they can tell her, I’m just there to find out if the teacher needs any support from us so my daughter could do her best.

Along the way we have supported to improve her handwriting and helped them to encourage her love of maths.

Yes I think that’s be better too. Give the child the info in school. The discuss with parents in parents evening or raise concerns

My daughter was just saying this we had her A-level parents evening and really they only spoke to her not me and she said they could have just said all this during school time in the classroom. But suppose if you have a concern it’s a chance to bring it up face to face

I wouldn't bother going to a parent evening without my secondary aged child. I'm not going to remember what was said to relay the information to them. Both of us need to be there or there isn't any point. If I didn't attend then if something was important I'd expect an email.

Talking about a child without them there suggests they are not involved in their schooling - when of course they are the most important person! It’s really important that everyone is on the same page regarding your child’s education - and you, the child and the teachers are all part of the team which will help them progress. You all want the same thing - for them to be happy and successful. In the unlikely event that they are not doing that well in school, it’s vital that the parents hear what the child is doing wrong with the child there - so they can’t come back afterwards and say “that’s not true. Miss is lying.” I’m really surprised you think that your child shouldn’t be there, to be honest. Equally, it is lovely for the child to hear how well they are doing and how much the teacher enjoys teaching them - which is by far the most common message I give out at Parents’ Evenings.

My children have both always been there for parents evening in 6th form.
I have always found the teachers to be positive and congratulate them on the things they have done well, and then make suggestions on how they can build on what they have learnt.
I think mostly they have come away really proud of themselves and any other concerns I deal with the school separately via email.

Seriously? If that's your opinion of schools, please home Ed your children. It's parental attitudes like yours that make teaching so difficult.
By the way, I haven't spent the past 36 years with shit pay and shit conditions because 'I don't have real interest in' the kids I teach. You have no idea how much we care about our kids. We couldn't do the job if we didn't.

I think things are getting confused. With primary school there is am exxpectation the DCs are not there at secondary it is the opposite.

I had a Y7 parent's evening yesterday and this wasn't my experience at all.

I saw DS' form tutor, English, Maths, Science, RE, PE, Textiles....think that's it. I asked about some worrying English scores and teacher explained them, also explained that he is top of the class and she has no concerns - the low scores will go up as he gains experience.

All were very positive - which I'm grateful for - but all the teachers knew him, could talk about his work without prompts, and when I mentioned that DS doesn't often do his working out for maths, teacher explained why it's important and that GCSE questions will often mark on workings rather than answer given.

If you're just expecting "Johnny is doing fine, no notes" then sure, don't bother taking them. But like others, I actually want them to hear the feedback so they can act upon it. I'm not going to remember multiple feedback items.