Daughter doesn't want to go swimming

[MintsPi]

DD is in Year 6 and is due to go on a class swimming exam this week to see if she can swim 25m. I am confident she cannot. She had lessons before at school which were cancelled due to covid and she struggled in those.

She is now very upset about the thought of swimming. She has SEN (confirmed by school, seen by EP however no diagnosis. She is also very advanced puberty wise (has periods and is worried about her body hair).

The school have asked parents to sign a permission slip to take the children out of school which I have yet to do. What is likely to happen if she goes to school on the day without a costume or permission slip? DD is saying she will refuse to do it even if I send her with the stuff.

She will sit at the side of the pool if without a costume, if without a slip she will stay with another class at school ( year 5 more likely) .

If you decide to let her not do it, ring the school and tell them, don't just send her without the stuff and leave them to find a last minute alternative.

By the way if she is not able to swim 25 m plus she is very upset I would support her and tell school that she won’t be taking part.

Thanks all. Forgot to say any child who can't do 25m has to do 5 weeks of lessons after. I don't think she will learn in that time so this will just cause her distress for no real reason.

The school texted last week to say to make sure permission slips are in to 'avoid disappointment'. Hopefully this means they have a plan in place.

Our DC stresses about swimming as well and only just in Y7 learned to swim a 25m length. Also some SEN issues, which I’m sure contributed to the anxiety about it. Add the period/body hair concerns, and I can totally understand her worries. Definitely tell the school she won’t be taking part in any of it so there’s not any confusion.

But I’d also find a way to get her swimming outside of school in a less stressful environment for her own safety. Either taking her yourself or arranging lessons. Shorty wetsuits are a good option if she’s worried about body hair, or swim trunks and a rash guard like the boys (I do this myself!).

We found that a pool that our DC could stand in the whole way (1.2m across) was much easier as there wasn’t the stress of being unable to touch the bottom at any point. Once we tried that, our DC almost immediately was able to swim a length. A lot of pools at gyms are shallower as they are geared for swimming lengths rather than teaching diving etc.

Your poor daughter. I totally understand how self conscious she feels. A traditional swim suit shows off your whole body and children (both girls and boys) can be very unkind. Unfortunately society judges girls' appearance. Can you speak to school and at least skip the exam? The extra lessons would then be with the other non swimmers so perhaps less pressure? Or find a swim school that does small group lessons rather than the council pool ones?

You can buy period swimming costumes and also as others have said lots of girls wear shortie suits or tankinis that give a bit more coverage.

Totally agree that you should withdraw her from this but I do think you should support your daughter to learn to swim. It's a really important life skill.

In my experience school swimming lessons are rubbish. Can you afford some private lessons, either 1 to 1 or in a small group with the teacher in the pool? It makes such a difference.

School swimming lessons can be awful.

Pull her out and teach her independently, either yourself if you can, or get her lessons if you can afford it.

It is important to learn to swim, but there's no point putting kids through doing it with school if they don't have to.

In general, five weeks of lessons is enough time to build more water awareness, even if it wouldn't necessarily lead to swimming 25 meters. So if she is able to join, it makes her safer in long run and closer to limit if it gets tested again in the future.

In the same time it might not work for your daughter just now. If you are sure she shouldn't go at all, tell the school soon.
Are there some options worth trying? I can imagine skipping the test and going to first lesson to see how it goes might be much less stressful, because it won't be with a full class, and presumably loud and sporty types will be filtered out.
About body hair consciousness, would it be possible to get tankini and swimming shorts for her instead of classical cut out swimming costume?