Should I change course with our daycare arrangement?

[minimacbrown]

Our little one (2y 7m) is in daycare, now 3 days/wk (9-3) and has been attending the same centre since 1y 2m (starting on far fewer hrs). I've always thought the daycare model is not great and have read far too much about the negative effects on behaviour, attitude, self-esteem etc. in the longer term.

I'm intrigued to canvas opinions: Do you think it would have more of a negative effect taking him out and trying for example in-home care, than it would keep going in a familiar setting (even if it's less than ideal)?

The reason I ask is, I find myself feeling upset almost every time I drop him off. Not because the centre or teachers are awful, but because I think daycare generally is not a good model. We did try a nanny for a month when he was about 1yr, but it didn't work out because I work from home (she found it awkward).

I don't want to regret making the wrong decision later! (I know that is the very nature of life - we must make decisions and sometimes they're the wrong decisions!).

We're in NZ.

No one can answer you. It can go smooth to move to another setting. It can turn out to he a wrong decision to move a child. No easy answers.

Look at your child. Is he happy and thrieving? Go from there.

Are there childminders in NZ? That or a nanny would always be my choice. I work in early years and think nursery is likely harming many kids. That's an opinion I rarely vocalise because working parents are doing their best and not everyone can afford a nanny why make someone feel shit Shen they are doing their best. Nursery is good enough in most cases but I'd just say a good childminder would be better by far in the uk

I think it's hard to say, I don't know what the nursery sector is like in NZ.
2.5 is an ideal time to start pre-school, it's not a long day and it's not every day.

There are a lot of positive effects of nursery in terms of social and physical development, especially at that age. Just getting used to others, taking turns and listening are useful skills before they go to school.

@PurpleBugz

Few parents pay a nanny. It's only an option for the very few parents.

Thank you everyone. He is thriving and he is happy. That said, I often wonder if some of the hitting and frustration is fueled in daycare - I certainly see other kids hitting and snatching there, not a lot, but some.

I'm prone to mum guilt, quite extreme mum guilt, this is one of the main drivers behind wondering if another setting might be better - to alleviate some of the guilt I feel; selfish of me, I realise.

What about kindy, rather than daycare? I think some provide full days.

By chance (nursery place not available until months after I wanted to go back to work), we used a childminder for our eldest, and while she was really little it did feel the best option. But she started to outgrow that particular environment once she was 2 and moving her to a daycare / preschool setting as she turned 3 was definitely the right choice. Our youngest similarly we started with a childminder, and then used a combination of childminder and daycare from 15 months when we needed full time care. And again by 3 we had him in the preschool setting full time.

Guilt is ever present when you are a mother, it is always good to reassess options and choices, but that doesn't mean you have to change. If you are managing with 9-3 part-time, I think you've found an excellent compromise in how your organise your work week. I'd consider things like, how does your daycare group children, when will they move into an older group, how do things change at that point? Over the next year you might be wanting to see more "preschool" stuff starting, that is something a daycare setting can be good for, and you still have them at home plenty for individual nurturing. If at 3 they go in with 5 yr olds, then maybe think again. In England because they are pretty much all in school by the time they turn 5, preschool is ages 3-4, some get one year others nearly 2 at that stage. I still remember the leaps my son made when the oldest kids left for school a couple of months after he moved into the preschool room, and was suddenly one of the "big ones".

By the way, mine are at university now. My current guilt revolves around things like whether I should contact them more, and worry about whether they are adapting ok to student life :)