Help! Which mainstream indie school for bright, 9yr old Anxious / ASD / ADHD girl?

[packofcrayons]

My 9 year old is currently being assessed for ADHD / ASD. She has very high anxiety and is currently struggling to go to her state primary. We live in the South East near Guildford and will be moving soon so want to find a school that our daughter will be happy in.

I'm really struggling to find the right fit for her as she can't do homework, struggles with sensory issues (so her big primary is a problem). She has no behaviour issues and actually gets really affected if other children act up in class as she is very sensitive.

I'm looking at mainstream schools for now, but I'm not ruling out special schools, though she is academically very capable, and she loves art. We are happy to move anywhere in the South East / South West - it has to be commuting distance by car to London. (2 hours max). Does anyone have any ideas of any nurturing, understanding schools which are good with SEN children? I've been thinking about Hurst Lodge in Yately or Wotton House in Gloucester if anyone has experience of those schools? Our dream was to move by the sea, but I don't think this will happen now as school takes priority. I've looked at the Good Schools Guide and I would really love parent recommendations if possible. Thank you!

Have a look at Cobham Hall, in Kent.

https://www.cobhamhall.com/

Quite a few of my daughters friends go to tormead girls school in gu1 with adhd / ASD maybe worth a look? Not sure if they have a good sen department but at least it's in a smaller school. Also, benefit it's got a senior school attached

Worplesdon primary gets rated from Sen mummies again not used that school but it's rated high

Senior - I do like Canbury but that's near Kingston but that's a bit inbetween a special school and a mainstream school

I assume you want a through school? That way she can go there now and won’t have to move again until 18, which minimises disruption.

I’m sure you’ve considered the potential tension between schools that are very inclusive and kind and don’t put any academic pressure on her, with her understandable need for good behaviour in fellow pupils.

Inclusive private schools which are non-selective tend to have more dc with SEND, so there might be low level behavioural stuff as in all primaries eg a bit of chattering in class. But if she needs much more structure and a very high standard of behaviour then at the those schools the curriculum will probably be quite fast paced, teachers more rigid in teaching style and it might be tricky not to to homework as it can be hard to keep up without completing it.

It might be worth thinking through whether realistically she would be able to cope with low level misbehaviour. Eg in a very small class like 15 which would be common in a prep, would she be ok with minor misdemeanours.

Does she essentially need a school which is very structured, reasonably strict on behaviour, but not very academically pressured?

A potential school to think about is St Christopher School in Hertforshire. Extensive bus route including North London and it’s a very calm and inclusive 3-18. Small classes, sensory is good as it’s a very calm atmosphere (not strict) and no school bells etc. They have animals on site and the prep has an animal club after school. Very minimal homework there at prep level.

Just realised you are in Surrey. Have you looked at Frensham Heights?

Thank you, yes an all through school would be the best option for us. I think she would be absolutely fine with low level misbehaviour, just not outwardly aggressive. For example at her old school she witnessed a pupil hitting the teachers and screaming / bullying her which has affected her.

We have considered Frensham heights but they politely said they don't usually take children with ASD. I'll look into St Christophers, thank you!

Thank you - I'll look into Tormead! It's so helpful having recommendations

Bedes in Eastbourne might be worth a look.

We considered it for ADHD and dyslexic but high ability DD.

Have a look at Liberty Woodland School in Morden. It offers a completely different environment from most other schools, which may be what you're looking for! I know a few parents with children there who are very happy with it.

Do you mind a religious ethos? St Joseph's College in Reading is a really lovely school and works very well with DC with anxiety and ASD. It's a Catholic school but it takes children of all faiths or none.

Thank you, I do like the look of Bedes. Can I ask where you sent your DD in the end?

In the end we opted for a state comprehensive that has an incredible music offer (her main interest) and it's worked really well for her.

They definitely do now- the new head has really revitalised things and they are very open minded around admissions!

@packofcrayons the former Deputy Head of Bedes is the current head at St Chris! Bedes is supposed to be a great school.

I’d echo this. DD went to St Chris.

Rich Jones is great, and an excellent teacher. DD had him for A levels and did really well. I think he made a big difference to the school. The boarding house is fabulous and the house parents are just lovely.

Have a look at Kingswood House in Epsom, Surrey.