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Original poster

Secondary school teachers -- what do you think of this?

19 replies

frogs · 01/04/2008 16:28

Okay, dd1 in Y8 of grammar school, bright, hard working, well-behaved, blahdiblah. We are (obviously!) supportive parents, fill in forms, help with homework and attend school functions, blahblah.

Her parents' evening was two weeks ago, and having sent back the form to say I would attend, I then couldn't because I managed to break my leg earlier in the day, and was in hospital getting out of my head on entonox. Dh was racing round like a loon scooping up children and trying to deal with stuff.

We told dd1 to explain to her form tutor and HOY why I hadn't attended, which she duly did. Since coming out of hospital I've also sent her in with a letter for for the attention of all her teaching staff explaining the situation and giving my home and mobile numbers if there is anything they feel they need to discuss.

We've just had a letter this morning from the Headteacher as follows:

"Dear Mr & Mrs Frogs

I am concerned that you did not attend the recent Parent/Teacher meeting held to discuss your daughter's progress. Although I realise that circumstances may have made your attendance impossible, I hope you agree with me that these meetings are an essential means of communication between home and school, and I know her teachers will have wished to meet you on this occasion.

Your sincerely

Froglet's headteacher"

Dh hit the roof when this arrived, and has phoned the school to speak to the head, but no-one has phoned him back yet. Even I think it's bl*dy rude, and resent being spoken to like an irresponsible 14yo. Do you think this is standard, or am I right to be more than a little irritated?

OP posts:

ScienceTeacher · 01/04/2008 16:39

It's just a form letter - don't worry about it. They may have a lot of problems in their school getting parents to attend, so apply the pressure at every opportunity. I don't think they are getting at you personally.

Hope your leg is healing - can't imagine what it must be like to have a broken leg.

Umlellala · 01/04/2008 16:40

Ew, how rude!

Original poster

frogs · 01/04/2008 16:41

Bloody rude, though, no? I think the parent population is probably erring on the side of pushy rather than neglectful -- it's quite a sought-after selective school.

Broken leg was agony, though slightly less painful two weeks on. Wouldn't recommend it as a pastime, though. [gritted teeth emoticon]

OP posts:

pointydog · 01/04/2008 16:44

'Hitting the roof' seems an extreme reaction but I agree it couldbe much better worded.

ajandjjmum · 01/04/2008 16:49

To be honest, I'd have been well pissed off. It would have been me on the phone stating very firmly that I hadn't planned to break my leg, thus lowering my support level to my children - but it's life, and stuff happens.

I am sure that you could also point to you previous record, and suggest that they save such snotty letters for those who continually fail to support their children.

ScienceTeacher · 01/04/2008 16:51

It's not rude - just impersonal. The letter wasn't written for your family personally, but for any non-attender.

State schools have to really balance personal attention vs efficiency - it's not easy and you can't please everyone all of the time. I'm sure that those who were responsible for issuing it will feel gutted when they hear you missed the appointment because you were in hospital.

I would suggest just taking the high ground and apologising for missing the appointment but you were in hospital, and ask for them to reschedule once you are back on your feet - or to give written comments on anything that is particularly concerning.

roisin · 01/04/2008 20:52

It is rude, but in big schools communication is tricky, and it is no longer the case that everyone knows everything about every child.

Obviously many staff at school knew why you'd been unable to attend, but the person sending out the letters didn't; or just didn't think as they were loading automatic form letters into envelopes.

It may be that they had a particularly poor turnout for parent's evening and decided to make a point.

I think my response would probably be a carefully worded polite but rather terse response referring them to your previous communications on the subject. Beautifully handwritten on smart quality letter paper, with an assurance of your interest in your dd's education, etc.

PS Sorry to hear about your broken leg. What bone have you broken? Are you on crutches or in a wheelchair?

Original poster

frogs · 01/04/2008 21:21

Thanks, roisin, I think that's what I'll do.

I've broken both the bones in my lower leg into several pieces, just where it joins the knee. Not a clever move, I wouldn't recommend it. I have crutches, but still pretty immobile, as not allowed to put any weight on my leg at all. Bah.

OP posts:

roisin · 01/04/2008 23:23

ooh that sounds really bad
What a nightmare too.
Have you got plenty of help?

idlingabout · 02/04/2008 09:14

I rather think that sending you a 'standard' letter when you have explained beforehand why you wouldn't be coming AND sent a letter is not just rude but incompetent. Agree that you have to take the moral high ground but somebody in the school has screwed up on the communication front.

McDreamy · 02/04/2008 09:21

What a stupid letter, completely contradicts itself

"Although I realise that circumstances may have made your attendance impossible.........I know her teachers will have wished to meet you on this occasion" eh?

We had a letter home yesterday asking where DD was on the 6th November (she's in FS2). 4 months ago!!!

I don't know, if she wasn't in school I presume she was poorly, if she has ever been off school I have ALWAYS informed them so either a breakdown in their communications or where the hell was DD on the 6th November because if she wasn't off school ill I certainly would have dropped her off there, she's a bit too young to be bunking off yet......I hope!

critterjitter · 03/04/2008 18:49

Sounds like a standard letter sent out to the 'non attenders' from a list, by a member of their clerical staff (who probably wouldn't have know the circumstances behind your absence).

I would write a very polite letter back asking for another opportunity to discuss your DD's progress.

slayerette · 03/04/2008 19:02

It may be a standard letter but no excuse really since you'd already communicated with the school. At my school, if HOY knows a parent can't attend, s/he emails all subject teachers of that student asking for comments on Froglet's progress and then feeds back to parents. And you would not have got that letter!

So you should be irritated - not unreasonable at all.

ScienceTeacher · 03/04/2008 19:10

I would say: don't sweat the small stuff

critterjitter · 03/04/2008 21:54

All you need to do is ensure that your very polite letter is at the top of your child's record/ file (which will probably result in a copy of the standard one sent to you being removed) and that you get to talk to the relevant teachers when you are well enough. I can't seem them holding anything against you. Teachers are far too nice for that!

potoftea · 03/04/2008 22:15

Agree that it's a standard letter sent to lots of different parents, but that's not good enough.
You explained why you didn't attend so shouldn't have been treated like that. What if they sent a letter like that to someone who couldn't make the meeting because their parent died that day? How dreadful would that be.
I would follow up with a phone call to the head again.

Hulababy · 03/04/2008 22:19

It is just a standard letter sent out to all those not attending. I would imagine it was organised before thy got your letter.

I know why they are sent out. I have done parent's evenngs before where so few parents bother attending, and it is infuriating that some parents never attend at all. Esp when they then whinge if there is a problem they don't know about. Sadly these days so many parent's evenings are so poorly attended that these letters are becimng more ommon place.

Yes, ideally they should have noted your letter to them and you should not have recieved this. But as I said before your letter may not have got to them before it was arranged.

WendyWeber · 03/04/2008 22:24

Are you sure she explained to form tutor and HOY?

I pretty much gave up on relying on my secondary-aged children to carry any message, to anybody, ever

aintnomountainhighenough · 03/04/2008 22:25

Sorry but this is just not acceptable. There is absolutely no excuse in this day and age for such a standard letter to be sent when something like this has happened. I am new to this school thing and am finding they are so far behind the times in their attitudes, ways of working, ways of relating/dealing with people. Schools need to start dealing with parents much more intelligently, one size does not fit all.

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