Teacher discriminating against my child? at the direction of a parent

[NotAgain77]

My DC (age 9) has been bullied by another child for 6 months. It takes the form of saying my child is horrid, saying he is annoying but to multiple kids in the class, intentionally. At times it has involved mocking and pushing. The child has told lies saying my child has done something when has hasn't. School have not been great and the child has also extending the bullying to another child.

The mum of the child doing the bullying is highly critical of my DC and has complained numerous times over things like my DC tripping and knocking into the child's arm during tag. The child was not hurt, my DC was and my DC apologised at the time. But the child 'did not like it'

The latest complaint from the mum is that my DC talks about his outside school plans at school and this upsets this child. All children in the class do this. They regularly do show and tells and talk about play dates, holidays and parties. My DC has listened to others speak excitedly about their playdates. When my DC has felt left out or sad hearing about this I have said - this is a fact of life. They're not doing it to hurt you. You also do fun stuff/ with friends.

For context one of specific examples the mum has given to school is my DC talking to his friend about after school plans. My DC wasn't speaking to that child but that child overheard apparently. The activity they were planning to do was free.

The teacher spoke to my DC and told him he was not to talk to that child about anything he does outside or school. We queried this with the teacher today. And found out the mums complaint is that my DC has spoken at school about a holiday he went on at Easter (to visit family). Multiple children in the class went on holiday at Easter and have spoken about it at school. The "you can't talk about your outside school plans or activities" is only applying to my child. My child is neurodiverse and stressed about this. He is worried about being overheard by this child if he chooses to talk to a friend.

My take is that this is targeted action only to my DC by the school on behalf of the parent. That it extends the action of bullying form that child and family to my DC.

Do I have the right to see the full range of complaints about my DC from this parent? Would this come under a subject access request?

Would it be reasonable to say to school that this ban of talking about outside activities has to apply to all children in the class not just my DC or it will be discrimination?

Would this action by the teacher be worthy of a complaint to the school?

Id certainly be asking for an appt with the head

How much of the above has come directly from school and how much via your child? Might be worth meeting with school first to find out in case there’s been some misunderstanding? And then reach a better solution.

Could it be that your child is annoying more than one child with how he is talking?

@BreadAhoy direct from the teacher.

@Dacadactyl no. The teacher was clear. The parent has complained at length. They acknowledge it's targeted to my child.

@BreadAhoy sorry should age said in original post. We met with the teacher today about this.

This kind of situation is a nightmare from the school's point of view.

The parent of the child doing the bullying almost certainly thinks your child is "provoking" theirs every time your child even steps out of line a little.

They'll probably be thinking that their child is being "bullied". It's not unknown for parents to overblow incidents - so when your DC bumped into hers she may have complained about hitting or pushing.

The school will be (if they have any sense) separating the two of them as much as possible. Opposite ends of the classroom, etc etc.

The asking your DC not to talk about after school plans is almost certainly because mum of the other child has complained and the teacher has sighed, spoken to your child and then emailed to say it is dealt with.

Ignore it. Don't complain to the school about this - just tell your DC he can talk about what he wants.

Do tell him to stay away from the other child though.

School has investigated (at our request) and confirmed my child is not the bully. School has evidence and has taken action against this child for bullying another child in the class.

@Octavia64 thanks we have told our child to stay away from the other child. And he does as much as he can.

Honestly I have seen this frequently in primary schools often around year 4 and year 5.

Don't bother requesting to see her complaints. They will almost certainly be batshit and just upset you.

Ignore ignore ignore really is the best thing here.

Support your DC - tell him he can say what he wants and make clear to the teacher you will be supporting your DC in this.

This should result that when the teacher gets the next complaint from the parents he doesn't even bother speaking to your DC but just replies that it is being dealt with,

I’d escalate and say your child is nd and needs clear FAIR rules to follow that apply to everyone in the class. Say you are happy for them to ban all children talking about their lives outside school if the head really thinks that is reasonable and can explain why.

I'd move schools. I couldn't be bothered with that type of nonsense. Your child deserves to go to school and enjoy himself instead of worrying about this nonsense. Change schools. Move on.

These children do not get on. You are complaining. The other mum is complaining. It is easier for all concerned that they do not work together or talk together. The teacher has asked that your ds does not talk to this child Why is this an issue? Surely it will be better if they stay away from each other?

@CallMikeBanning I kind of get where you are coming from but my child has friends and when we suggested that he was devastated.

I would complain to the head and the governors. The only sane reaction to that mother was to tell her that her complaints were without merit.

@cansu my child does not speak to that child. You will see from my post he overhead a conversation. The conversation was not with him.

Is the school saying that your dc should not talk near this child as the child will then get upset and bully? It does sound like victim blaming if that’s the case. I would take it up with the head directly. Your dc is being singled out.

Have you spoken to the mother? You need to tell her that your son will talk to whoever he likes about whatever he likes.
Sign your son up for self defence classes. It will give him more confidence to stand up to bullies, and bullies don't tend to target confident kids

The mother does not have perspective when it comes to her child. I have experience of this and the school have told me this.

I agree with supporting your son and sod the mother tbh. So, let the teacher know that you've suggested that your son avoid this child who is bullying him and take no notice of him, which includes not second guessing everything he says in case the other child overhears.

Is it a one form entry primary school?

Two form entry.

My son has refused to go to school today.

You need to ask for a meeting with the head.
It is not practical or sensible to ban children from talking about out of school things. For starters half the time primary school ask kids to describe things like what I did over Easter break as part of school activities. For seconds, it's a ridiculous and impractical rule .. and it would need to be fairly applied to ALL kids in the school of every class because what if DS is playing with another child in a different year and the child says do you play football at Little Kickers on Saturdays ? Is DS to say nothing? Is DS to run to find a teacher? This is a ridiculous and pointless rule.
The school need to implement sensible measures to enable both children to attend school, such as separation. If the other child gets upset overhearing things, they can wear ear defenders or they can sit in a separate area with a TA at break times. But playgrounds are playgrounds and overhearing innocent conversations about normal topics is not something the school should control.

I'd speak to the Head or email them and ask them how they are helping your son, given they know this child has bullied and has taken action against your DS and what is being done to protect your son