Um- re the OP- what "I'D like to know is whether the smug middle class mummy who thought grammar was more 'moral' than going private had any of her DCs COACHED (or even prepped!) into the state grammar! If she didn't- so be it. If she DID she (and her DCs) should be drummed out. She would have effectively denied a poorer child of its rightful place at that grammar. Happens all the time in Salisbury. I have NO PROBLEM with catchments- otherwise you end up with the Salisbury situation with willing mummies driving 1 1/2 hours EACH WAY to get Sophie and Alexander to the grammars- because it's much cheaper than private, and "We can go to Klosters on the difference, can't we Gerald?". What you need IF you're going to have grammars (debatable- and I WENT to one of the Salisbury ones!) is transparency: A catchment where the tax paying parents see the result of their payments and a sliding 11+ entry scale dependent upon level of coaching/prepping. Like they do at Oxbridge.
As an aside, I always wonder what the marginally less well off Middle Class Parent does around Salisbury when despite their best efforts, their DC FAILS the 11+! There are no 'affordable' private secondary schools there!
'ALL schools must be good.' Nah, that won't satisfy us. What we REALLY want is OUR DCs to have the advantage over the others so that THEY can nail that well paid job. Endless research has shown that it doesn't matter WHAT you earn, it's HOW IT COMPARES with your peer group that counts. So improving ALL schools (we can say that because we know it won't happen in reality) will simply mean the ante is upped for US and OURS.
Putting the Middle Class Sense-Of-Entitlement Mummy-Role aside:
IMO, what we need as a society is to
a) discourage unwanted, unplanned teenage pregnancy,
b) MAKE those fathers pay, pay and pay again til THEY'RE the ones demanding the condom,
c) make benefit claiming dependent on societal contribution (with caveats, of COURSE) ie get the work shy orf their asses and into the sort of work we're destabilising our communities by importing Eastern European labour to do.