How much "Extra" work expected when attending Selective Prep/ School.

[MarvellousMidgeMaisel]

DS has just been offered a place at a local prep school in the south east which has great results, high expectations etc etc...Great news, BUT-

He had to work extremely hard to get the offer but now I'm having a wobble about the future. He's not naturally academic and a hard worker- but he is only 7 and seeing how brutal the entrance process was and the strain involved, i'm now wondering if I should just keep him where he is (small local non-selective prep).

My question is- if you have a child that goes to a highly selective school, how much extra work is truly expected? Both in terms of homework and tutoring?

I know it's a bit of a 'how long is a piece of string' as it depends on how well the child manages naturally as to how much extra help they need.

But all I have to go on is rumour and hearsay as I don't know any other mums with children already attending. I have heard from a friend of a friend that some of the children have tutoring DAILY after school!! I have also heard that it's quite normal that some of the young children don't get to switch off until gone 9pm when prep/homework/tutoring is finished, and then have to get up at 6 to start the process again, leaving very little time for fun.

Has anyone else experienced this?

He would be starting Y3 but I'd be interested to hear how much work is expected all the way through please. Thanks in advance.

It very much depends on the school. It is very rare that there is as much work as hearsay says though! Homework every night is normal but it’s rarely more than an hour’s worth. Some parents will tutor from a young age but it’s more normal to start in year 5 for entrance exams

Preps vary massively.

We asked around among parents and avoided one that had a reputation for lots of homework.

It depends on the school. I would try and do some digging if I were you.
The level of tutoring at our prep school is insane. It’s not for us personally… Your school could be different…

It depends completely on the school. This is a big decision, and you really do want the school to be a good match for your family's values so if you're worried, do email and ask to go in and speak to someone about it. You've got the offer so you don't need to worry about asking them! Be very honest and upfront, and ask about homework and how much tutoring there is and make sure you get the information you need to make the right decision for your DS.

Lots of homework and tutoring aren't inevitable even at a selective school though. DD is in year 6 at a very well-regarded, selective through-school. (through school is relevant - a prep will be more focused on entrance exams). They only have an hour of homework in total a week. (They're additionally encouraged to read whatever interests them) She often gets it finished in homework club before a sports activity she does later one evening! She doesn't have any tutoring: I just check her homework, and she still reads to me sometimes. The school have always very actively discouraged tutoring and say they will work with the students to address anything they need extra help with. I know parents do get anxious though, and a few in the year do have tutoring: either if they're struggling or more often if they have competitive parents! DD is middle of the class - and absolutely comfortable there - and I think that's about right for her natural academic ability. (They stream the students for English and Maths, which they emphasize is so that they can go at a speed which is comfortable for the students).

It is a very full-on school though. They do a lot of sports, music and activities, and to be fair she does get very tired by the end of term - which might not be what every family wants. I love that she has all these opportunities though, and we've cut back on extracurricular sports when she's felt it was too much.

I think you do want to make sure the school matches the 'energy level' you want. But you might be under-estimating your DS! I think getting in is often the hard part.

If they are having to have tutoring daily then they are most likely to be in the wrong school for them.

The school will set homework and expect this to be done. Usually at prep level this may be due with longer deadlines eg next week than senior school where they may get 3 subjects daily of 30 minutes each homework.

If they need such extensive tutoring out-of school to keep up I suspect they may not automatically go up to the next level of school.

Just remembered: she does 2 musical instruments, and does 15 mins of practice for each every night. I clearly blocked that from my memory, since that's more effort than homework!

He obviously doesn't have to do a musical instrument - and you may have higher or lower expectations than us for practice! But at prep school almost all children will do at least one musical instrument, often two by year 6.

Just to give an idea: We're at a (reasonably) highly regarded selective prep (through school). DS is in y4 and has 15 minutes homework a night (maths) in addition to two larger homework tasks per week, for which he has 4 days to complete. He's expected to read daily.
Not aware of any tutoring in his year group. School is quick to identify any areas of difficulty and provides support immediately.
Extracurricular is huge. DS does chess or sport every evening and is learning 2 instruments. School day starts at 8 and with extracurricular finishes at 5 (4ish if no clubs).
Most children are learning at least 1 instrument and do clubs most days.
Children need to pass another assessment to move up to senior.
Music practice is a nightmare 😅 but the level of homework is reasonable. I imagine it's very much school specific and I'd definitely check with the school what their expectations are. I'm sure they'd be happy to share the info with you.

It’s all the extra activities/music/sport that eats into the afternoons and Saturdays and then homework when they get home. Many DC do have very pushy (IMO) parents who make them do extra work, so if your dc doesn’t and isn’t naturally very bright they’ll likely be in the lower sets. I remember dropping my youngest off at prep one Friday morning and calling out “Bye bye, Buckaroo!” because they were shuffling off carrying their school bag, hockey goalkeeping kit bag, skis (!), ski bootbag, ski kit bag and violin. Luckily no papier-mâché science project that day! The Prep head stood sternly at the door every morning like a sargeant major, greeting each child as they passed, and never offered to help carry anything.

Just to add you need to check both 1, what the school expects and 2, what all the parents are up to.

We had been at our prep for 2 years before one teacher kindly pulled me aside and explained point 2. My jaw fell to the floor.

Thanks so much for your responses, very helpful and exactly what I was looking for.
Its a through school and very competitive, and as such, I don’t think the other parents are entirely honest (too strong a word? Open?) about their DC’s tutoring and how much work they are being encouraged to do after school to keep them ahead.
It’s such a great achievement that he’s managed to get is with such little effort, but I know that this can lull you into a false sense of security when you then find they are bottom sets and struggling amongst their peers because they aren’t willing to put in the extra work.
The other parents are lovely, but are all very secret squirrel about how much their children are being tutored and the rumours are shocking (albeit, mostly coming from other prep school mums), so it’s very useful to hear you experiences. Thanks!