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Original poster

Parents evening with ex

32 replies

Rh2600 · 03/03/2024 22:28

Hi all, new to this place thought here might offer me the best advice.

So I am a separated dad to teenager. My ex and I split when he was one, long story but while I was working away she was seeing her ex(f) and her GF. And I was surplus to requirements. It was a very dark time, but my son has been most important thing in my life since and have ok visitation rights and holidays. Ex flip flopped with both of her partners, but married one. I have a long term GF. Over last 10 years things been mainly amicable and friendly we as his parents would go to parents evening together make decisions together, however of late being getting impression from things said, I am being erased as a parent, not sure if this is ex or her partner leading this.

So parents evening come round again. This year, however ex wants to take her partner, she has said I can come along if I like however she knows I would find this extremely uncomfortable and stress me out. And I have no wish to be paraded as child's 3rd parent or restropective sperm donor

She says school will only offer 1 slot per child.

Anyone got any advice.

OP posts:
webster1987 · 04/03/2024 10:52

@Illpickthatup yeah I completely understand this. In me saying I wouldn't expect to be there, it's not through not wanting to as I am with the DSC 50% of the time and care for them and their education, often involved in homework etc. If their DM wasn't as involved then I would happily attend. It's one of many hard parts of step parenting that despite the involvement and interest in their lives, we have to take a step back to respect the bio parents

Illpickthatup · 04/03/2024 11:48

webster1987 · 04/03/2024 10:52

@Illpickthatup yeah I completely understand this. In me saying I wouldn't expect to be there, it's not through not wanting to as I am with the DSC 50% of the time and care for them and their education, often involved in homework etc. If their DM wasn't as involved then I would happily attend. It's one of many hard parts of step parenting that despite the involvement and interest in their lives, we have to take a step back to respect the bio parents

Yup absolutely. Just one of the many joys of being a step parent.

I make the Easter bonnets, show outfits etc. Yet haven't been able to attend some of the events. But I just have to accept that's how it is. Ultimately it's not about me, it's about the child, and as long as she has what she needs I can just wait and hear all about it when she gets home.

EarringsandLipstick · 04/03/2024 15:34

In any case OP has nothing to be uncomfortable about.

😳😳😳

It's never going to happen as my ex has zero interest in his DC education but I'd be far from comfortable at any partner having anything to do with my DC's education - cannot understand why you think his reaction is unusual.

Secondly if you did read the OP, you don't think his ex leaving him while he worked abroad to have relationships with two other women is a little strange & likely to impact on their relationship???

EarringsandLipstick · 04/03/2024 15:35

TealSapphire · 04/03/2024 10:21

Your child is a teenager (no SEN mentioned) so presumably knows who his parents are. Particularly if your ex's partner is female, so no you are not being erased.

You are free to go to any school event you like.

Yet again, so many responses reflecting that OP is male & therefore inherently wrong, according MN wisdom

TealSapphire · 04/03/2024 20:49

As long as there is no serious issues or restraining order in place then of course OP can put aside their feelings and do what's best for their child. I'd certainly still go if my ex's new partner was going too - it's my child.

And I do not commend the OP for wanting to go to parents evening. They are a full grown adult capable of basic parenting and making decisions as they see fit.

ErinAoife · 04/03/2024 21:12

I don't think the step parent should go to the parent teacher meeting if you are involved in your child life.

EarringsandLipstick · 05/03/2024 06:57

TealSapphire · 04/03/2024 20:49

As long as there is no serious issues or restraining order in place then of course OP can put aside their feelings and do what's best for their child. I'd certainly still go if my ex's new partner was going too - it's my child.

And I do not commend the OP for wanting to go to parents evening. They are a full grown adult capable of basic parenting and making decisions as they see fit.

🙄

Ok. Keep wilfully misunderstanding why the situation might be problematic.

Aside from that, in no circumstances would I attend a parents' evening with an ex's partner. It's simply not their role (barring exceptional circumstances) as other SPs have already stated on this thread.

As for commending OP - oh stop. I'm not giving him a medal. I'm simply saying it's GOOD that despite an adverse situation, he is prioritising his DC. Plenty of us have experienced the exact opposite. Not you, I assuming?

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