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Original poster

BBC report 'Spoiled Children Disrupt Schools'

66 replies

Blandmum · 22/03/2008 09:01

link here

OP posts:
chelsygirl · 22/03/2008 09:30

mb, thats sad

I've met some kids like that too, usually parents well off financially but lacking in time actually spent with their own kids

Moomin · 22/03/2008 10:35

Parents a too quick to run to their precious offsprings' defence, whatever the circumstances when there's trouble at school. I love the one when the parent says 'My child never lies'.
ALL children would lie given the right circumstance. I have seen kids putting on the most convincing performances imaginable and, had I not known 100% that they were lying, I'd have totally been convinced, so for a parent wanting to believe that your child is telling the truth, it's easy to see why some parents automatically back their kids.

The low-level arguing back is rife as well. Yes, I know we should encourage kids to question things to a certain extent, but the constant 'yeah but' that you get at school from some kids really is very time-consuming and tedious. It's obvious that they often have the last word at home.

Original poster
Blandmum · 22/03/2008 10:37

'S/He is misbehaving because he is bored and isn't stimulated enough' say the Mummy

You inwardly sigh

You stimulate the child, who winges that they don't want to do the work because it is 'crap'

OP posts:
Moomin · 22/03/2008 10:39

Oh yeah, mb I lurve that one as well! What's wrong with a little bit of fecking self-discipline, and an acceptance that not every single task or lesson is going to be all-singing, all-dancing and will involve a bit of quiet hard slog?

ScienceTeacher · 22/03/2008 11:14

Moomin,

There are rather a lot of threads on mumsnet where parents assume their child is in the right, even if they precede their complaint by admitting that ds is a little tinker.

mrz · 22/03/2008 15:32

Children are arriving in nursery never ever having been told no and throwing temper tantrums when they are faced with rules for the first time in their lives. We had one little dear (5 years old) throwing chairs on Friday because they were asked to sit down when they didn't want to.
Daddy said "Never mind we will call at McDonald's on the way home"

Maidamess · 22/03/2008 15:38

Bring back the cane!!

Maidamess · 22/03/2008 15:39

(that was a flippant remark before anyone takes me seriously...)

Original poster
Blandmum · 22/03/2008 15:45

mrz, it wears you out, doesn't it?

No-one is so mad as to expect perfectly behaved kids, but standards of behaviour are so poor in some of the kids I work with.

I had a 5-10 minute 'argument' with a lad who (in year 9) was throwing bits of cake on the floor aoutside my lab.

His excuse was that he was throwing them at his mate, and he wouldn't pick them up because 'That is the cleaners job!'

[sigh]

I bet he is the apple of his Mother's eye

OP posts:
mrz · 22/03/2008 19:03

I probably have more contact with parents because I teach young children and it is often their attitude to behaviour that astounds me. Some seem to think it is perfectly acceptable for 3, 4 and 5 year olds to tell adults they don't want to and what's more they aren't going to do what they have been told.

AbbeyA · 22/03/2008 19:17

It is hard but you have to persevere, you are the parent,not their best friend!
I won't have televisions in the bedroom, they have felt hard done by as nearly all their friends not only have TVs but DVD players as well! My favourite expression is 'you will thank me one day'and I am sure that they will.
I am astounded at the way parents and children speak to each other, with no respect on either side.
The parent is doing the child no favours by giving in for an easy life because they have to learn the hard way that in school (or life in general)tantrums will not get them what they want, they are not the centre of the universe and they will have to do a lot of things that they don't want to-all things that they should have learnt in the home by 4 years old!

cory · 23/03/2008 11:49

I do wonder about the assumption you frequently see on the Gifted&Talented forum that G&T children are bound to misbehave because they are bored if they are not given stimulating enough work by the teacher. And that they are therefore excused. Seems a complete non sequitur to me:

why do you have to be bored because noone is catering to your immediate needs?- have you no resources of your own?

if you are bored, why does it follow that you should misbehave?

Of course I know that the G&T section includes children who while academically gifted also have various behavioural problems. Fair enough, these children need help. But sometimes there seems to be an unspoken assumption on Mumsnet that everybody who is gifted has some sort of special needs. Which has not been my experience in life.

The other side to this assumption is that if a parent posts about behavioural problems in a child, there will always be at least one poster who will say (usually without evidence) 'oh, but no doubt he is very clever, and bored at school'. As if this solves the problem and places the onus away from the child and onto the teacher. Which I don't get.

Original poster
Blandmum · 23/03/2008 11:52

I ran a G and T outreach day for NAGTY. It was a geat day, the kids had a blast, were very stimulated and our feedback from them was first rate. There was nothing 'boring' or 'dull' about the day.

One kid was an utter pain in the arse from start to finish (and he was NT btw), disruptive, rude, spoiling the fun of the others and very silly. The other students commented on how badly behaved he was.

He misbehaved because he wasn't to, not because he was G and T.

His mummy probably thinks he acts up because he is so clever

OP posts:
sleepyhead79 · 23/03/2008 13:43

My daughter is said to be G & T, is well behaved and comes from a one parent family background. The NAGC tell me that because she is so well behaved she goes unnoticed by her teachers and that has led to her becoming frustrated and bored. She doesn't take her frustrations out at school but in the home. Whereas a child who is clearly acting up in her class gets rewarded for being good once in a day! She repeatedly asks why this is so but what answer can you give?(angry)

sleepyhead79 · 23/03/2008 13:46

Not figured out the smileys yet. Whoops!

hercules1 · 23/03/2008 13:47

I have been told lots of times over the years by parents that they feel it is their job to defend their child no matter what. Sadly this means opposing the schools, they just miss the point sadly.

sleepyhead79 · 23/03/2008 13:50

Its a shame as the kids get mixed messages and this gives them the go ahead in later life to break the law and think it is ok

cornsilk · 23/03/2008 14:16

Interesting thread. This last week we have just stopped putting the TV on and the ds's haven't noticed. It's hard work playing with them all the time and the house is a shit tip but it's calmer. Have read loads of books to them! Don't know how long I'll keep it up for though!

sleepyhead79 · 23/03/2008 14:31

I've not confiscated her tv but just restricted her viewing. I am seen as the big bad wolf but this allows for her to play a little more. My house is in the same state as yours but I think I will leave it until the school's are back.

It's knackering trying to keep up with them they should be in bed for at least six if i'm anything to go by!

cornsilk · 23/03/2008 14:36

Yes it's hard work sleepyhead! I've not confiscated the TV -if they ask they can watch it. But we're actively trying to distract them from it by playing games etc. They're not playing with their consoles or going on the PC as much either - again we've not removed access to them. I think they would rather play with us than go on them at the end of the day.

Swedes · 23/03/2008 14:40

The problem is that stupid parents want to be their children's friend rather than their mother/father. God they must be bored.

cornsilk · 23/03/2008 14:41

Was that directed at me then, swedes?

Swedes · 23/03/2008 14:54

Cornsilk - I only read the original post so no it wasn't directed at you. DOes it apply to you?

cornsilk · 23/03/2008 14:58

Well I'm not sure. I'm not about to link up with them in the nintendo ds or hang out at the Gamers Workshop with them, but I want them to be able to talk to me about things.

saltire · 23/03/2008 15:09

Disclaimer - this does not apply to everyone who has had a child when they were 16-18

my step dad is a janitor, he, and a team of 4 cover the local primary and secondary. Small town, where everyone knows everyone else sort of place. Approx 145 on primary roll, 275 on secondary.
Step dad has been spat on, verbally attacked, threatend with violence and the police. All by teenager in 5th and 6th year (Scotland so 16-17 year olds) and their parents!
Any time he has mentioned to me, and said a name, I will say oh that's so and so's son or daughter. The aprents were, in the main people who were at school with me, or a couple of years older, who had their children young. The sad thing is that all their parents were the same at school.
One child aged 15 set fire to a bin, and when confronted by headteacher, and faced with evidence that the janitrs had seen him, he claimed that the janitors were stlaking him, and that they ahd been spying on him getting changed for PE. They say "oh I ahve rights, you can't tell me off". One of them had a teacher by the throat and said to him "I can do whatever I fucking like to you, you can't touch me or I'll have you called a peadophile". The mother of this child (who was at school with me) went up to the school, creating hell that her son was a victim. She then started shouting abuse at my step dad and the teachers whenever she saw them in the street. With this kind of thing going on by parents, then what hope do soem children have