How important is it get your child to practise something they are learning?

[merrygoround]

I know this is not new, but I am losing the plot with my 6 yr old dd who seems to take great delight in not practising her piano. She has a weekly lesson shared with a friend, and is meant to do about 2 x 5 mins practise per week. Every time I mention it she pulls a face and makes excuses. She seems to have picked up that this is a way she can wind me up, and it works! Should I cancel her lessons if she won't practise or that is me being over the top???

if she moans about 5 mins practice then I would cancel the lessons, yes. 6 is still quite young to learn the piano - she can always start lessons again when she's a bit older

Hmm. I know it's for her own good in the long run but if it's not fun she won't take to it.

good old fashioned sticker reward chart???

otherwise cancel.

Thanks for your comment. I must say I do tend to think she is a bit too young - we started because a friend wanted soomeone to share a lesson with her daughter of the same age and I thought we might as well try. But every time I tell her we'll stop the lessons if she doesn't practise she gets upset. In some ways I think the lessons are really good for her as she has very little sense of rhythmn, and the teacher does a lot of singing and jumping about as well as piano. Maybe I should be honest with the teacher and see what she thinks?

I wouldnt push the issue too much, i would ask her if she still wants to take lessons and tell her that you will cancel if she doesnt practice..after all it does cost money!

I think it sounds like she isn't ready to learn yet. They've got to really want to do it as 5 mins is a long time at that age! Lots of my friends who play an instrument didn't start until their teens. DS does like doing his practice so although we started with a star chart he isn't bothered about filling it in as he is usually keen to get started. Sometimes when he doesn't want to play or we aren't near home we do rhythm practice instead. Clapping along to tunes or even bouncing on the bed!

I always wanted to learn the piano but my parents never let me as they said I wouldn't stick with it. Now that dd has the chance I find myself saying irritating things to her like - if I'd had your opportunities young lady.... you can imagine how that goes down. I think I am the problem - I've heard her practise with her dad while I'm safely away in the bath, and it gets on my nerves that she won't play when I'm around. To be really honest I want her to play so that I can play the accompaniments I've learned while she's in bed.

If her piano teacher has said she should be doing this practise, then I would insist that she does it.

Do it in a positive/encouraging way - sticker chart is good. But just make it non-negotiable.

If you can't "make" her age 6 do 5 mins piano practice twice a week, how do you think you'll cope when she's a teenager with some homework she doesn't want to do?

I was told the same merrygoround so always worry that i have pushed DS into learning an instrument--but actually it does seem to be his idea.
I'd love to learn piano--can I have DD's lesson

Roisin, I have no idea how I would make a teenager do her homework, and live in fear of the day! The difference is though that I feel I can't argue with dd at age 6 that piano is "important" for her, whereas for a teenager at least I could try that approach.

Arabica, I do wonder if I should be the one having lessons instead. Ideally I'd have them too but it is so expensive. I do love to hear dd when she deigns to play, I think it is great that those dots on a page come to mean something.

My ex husband teaches the piano. He found most children starting at 7 do as well as those starting at 6 but as she's started, what he also found (and I have too) if is you sit with the child they are more likely to do the practise. When we had 3 children learning at least 2 instruments that's a lot of practices to supervise.

Sit with her. Ask her to show you how to do it so that she feels she's teaching you. Extend beyond the lessons so if say she's humming a tune from school pick that out on the piano. You play whilst she plays.

What happens if you pick her up and dump her on the stool? In other words does she do things you tell her even when she doesn't want to?

DS2 (6yo) started piano lessons a few months ago, at his own request. His 7 yo friend started at the same time, though individual lessons) because his mum thought it would be a good idea.

There is a huge difference in their committment to this. My DS, at any time of the day, sits at the piano and plays for pleasure, I have never had to ask him to practise. In a single day if he hasn't practised I don't remind him, becasue Ihave found he does it voluntarily at least 5 times per week. DS's friend will not practise and has subsequently fallen a long way behind my DS - which of course doesn't help the way he feels about learning to play.

Is your DD keeping up with her lesson partner? If the partner practises and your dd doesn't then things may resolve themselves naturally anyway if DD falls behind. My lesson-learnt after DS1 murdered the violin for 2 years was if it ain't happening naturally - kill it off early.

Bribery is the key! Have a star chart and if all practices are completed, then a reward or pocket money is earned. It worked in my house! There will come a point when they get to a certain standard and WANT to practise.

Does she want to play the piano or do you want her to play the piano?

The later you leave it the better (more than a little contradictory from someone with a six year old having lessons I know)

I took piano lessons at the age of 26 and passed my grade 7 two years later - with dh sitting in the waiting room at the examination centre with all the mums!

My DS's aren't learning music, but I have this with homework. It can be a real battle, as I'm sure it is in most houses. The only thing I have found that helps is a strict routine. Just like they have to brush their teeth at a set time everyday, They practise spellings for 5 mins before breakfast every day and weekend homework is done straight after breakfast on Saturday. We stick to this without fail and as they know it has to be done, they do it with a minimum of fuss. Could you have set times when the practise has to be done? Could be before a favourite TV prog perhaps. i.e TV goes on once practise done.

Agree about routine. Also it's a personality thing - one of my twins will get home from school and in 10 minutes be sitting at the table wanting to get his homework over and done with. Sometimes at 7pm we're trying to get the other one to get on with.

Unfortunately if you're learning an instrument you need to practise.

Imo 4 or 5 is the minimum number of practises a week per instrument - at least 10 mins each time. Otherwise they will just get demoralised at not making progress. I agree that sitting with them makes a huge difference, and it can make the practice much more efficient.

Oh absolutely I agree about routine - for instrument practice, homework, and chores. If you have a regular routine that you stick to, you only need to fight the battle a couple of times; then if you are consistent and keep up the routine they will get on with it and stop questioning.

If they practise at, say, 8 am every morning before school they will very soon just get on with it. If you tell them they need to practise before school at least 2 or 3 times a week they are likely to argue and prevaricate every time you suggest it.

That's what happens in our house anyway.

We have routines for everything - it's like boot camp really

I just can't stand it when families have arguments/negotiations/complaints about every little thing.

Thanks for all your comments. I was veering towards giving it all up, and was about to type that into this thread, when dd saw me on the computer and asked if she could play a game on cbbc. A lightbulb moment! Thanks to whoever suggested bribery - I said she could have 10 minutes on the computer if she did her practice (playing on the computer is a rare treat for her). She couldn't get to the piano fast enough and surprised me with what she was able to do. She is definitely absorbing at least some of the lessons, and her sense of timing is vastly improved. She didn't mind me sitting next to her, even when I suggested she try a couple of things again as they weren't as good as they could be. She probably practised for nearer 10 than 5 minutes, and seemed to enjoy it.

I really do think that the music lessons are good for her, so I don't want to give up too easily, and now it seems I've found the right bargaining tool. It would be nice if she was one of those children who didn't need to be asked, but even if she has to be bribed I still feel it is of benefit to her. Agree about the routine by the way, and yes, I have similar problems with homework.

That's great. Children who learn an instrument are supposed to do better at school too so it's worth persevering and it usually means a bit of extra one to one with a parent which is no bad thing and less time on the TC etc so I think sticking at it for 5 mins a day is worth it.

Six is very young to be learning the piano. If she does not even want to do 5 minutes practice. I should let her dstop lesons and go back to it when she is a bit older.

DD had lesson today. I think I should stop calling it a piano lesson and call it a music lesson instead. She does hardly any piano, as the teacher is concentrating on the way she expresses herself through her body, and does lots of physical stuff like skipping rhymes, rowing actions and jumping (and a lot more besides).

DD has a habit of squirming when she is not entirely comfortable, so when she sings or plays piano she tends to get a bit contorted and looks shy and lacking confidence. It is so habitual that when she plays piano at home where she is more comfortable, even a little bit, she sits twisted. This is what the teacher wants to change and she feels it will help my dd in more areas of life than music. I must admit I thought piano was all about learning the notes and playing them, so it has been a bit of an education for me to realise that music seems to be rather more than that.

That's what DS' lessons are like, sometimes practice is about jumping on the bed in time to the music! His rhythm is really coming along--although our mattress is f*#%ed

dd is 10 and had played piano for about 18 months. she is not naturally gifted at it but is reasonably musical and more importantly, loves the teacher and the lessons. Her teacher has said she must play for 20 mins a days now and I find it best if I sit with her. In fact, I took up piano lessons with the same teacher about a year ago so I could help my dd more. Ironically, I practice a lot more than she does, as like the original poster, I always wanted to play piano but never had the chance despite taking A level music.