do you reward your kids for a good report?

[FluffyMummy123]

Message withdrawn

At our school they usually have a book fair in the hall at parents' evening, and we often used to go and choose a book as a reward.

But recently I've been thinking the boys think I'm too obsessed/only interested in education and results, so I'm easing off a bit.

I think it's about a balance between them knowing you are proud of them, and you do value their achievements at school (academic and behaviour), and everyone obsessing about it too much.

They actually both had best parents' evenings ever. I kept waiting for the "but...", and it never came!

When we get reports (end of the year) I always tell them that the 'effort' grade is the one we are most interested in.

When I used to write reports we never commented on how well a child was doing in relation to others int he class. I can't see how it is relevant; doesn't help you know if your child is achieving their potential and putting in the effort (which even the highest scoring child in a class may not be doing) - which is far more important.

However when I was at school I remember you used to get your position in the class written on the report.

verbal praise only. like others I want them to enjoy the report and achievements (learning and behaviour ones) in their own right. and a reward/treat only works as a reward if, in some cases, they don;t get it. and I couldn't imagine doing that.

Dd's reports are two-fold. There is a 'progress' grade (A, B, C ...) and an 'effort' grade (VG, G, S ...) I always reward the effort grade never the progress grade. My theory is that they can't do anything about their progress grade but they can do a lot about how much effort they put in

I never discuss their reports with the children - just read them and file them.

Yes, at DD's parents evening she said that she was fab and could easily get one of the highest SATs scores this year.
I was really impressed, partly because her last parents evening was all about improving her concentration etc, so she has obviously been working hard.
She was allowed to chose something small in toys r us.

ReallyTired, I don't think it matters how clever they are, but how hard they have tried. DD's writing is still atrocious but she has tried hard and improved so to us that's what is important.

not really. We might have bought something at the weekend and said 'that's for your good report' but can't remember. We are ad hoc and forgetful and just expect them to do alright.

oh we sit and read them together and try to find little bits to laugh about. One time, one of the dds was described as 'mannerly' and we liked that word. Maybe the teacher meant 'manly'

Foofi - what age are your children?

At my boys' school they get to read their own reports during school time, and then write their own comments and set some targets. I think they do this from yr2 or 3.

Also teachers expect us to go through reports with children, and also to discuss with them issues raised at parents' evenings.

They're 11 and 9. I think the reports are between me and the teachers. Some teachers say nice things, some don't, and I wouldn't expect my kids to understand that. Plus, they're very different children and I don't want to be seen to be comparing them.

Yes - we do - I like to be rewarded for working hard and doing a good job and can't see why they shouldn't be rewarded too.

I was intending to get them a joint PC game of some sort - so £30ish between the two of them.

We always read reports together - I think it's important for the children to know what's been said about them. And I might offer a reward for good effort - probably something I would have got them anyway, but they don't know that!

I ABHOR this comparison - highest achiever, best results - how would people feel if they were told their child was the lowest achiever in the class?

Do many schools do this?

In my last school we would have to give them a figure on the report showing exactly where they came in relation to the rest of the year. Not sure why.

With my own kids I focus on the effort grades and reward with a nice meal or takeaway.

When I was at school we got rewarded with ameal out - so I try and do the same with my kids. dd is struggling a lot in P1 - but tries very, very hard - and that is the important thing. At parents night when I asked if she was managing to catch up at all, I was told (very nicely!) by the class teacher that we needed to look at how well she was doing for her - not compare her to anyone else. I thought that was nice.

foofi, I strongly disagree that reports are between parents and teachers. You can discuss reports and praise children without comparing them.

At primary school my children all asked to read their reports and I could see no reason why not. At secondary school, the children get the reports first, and have to write citizenship statements on them. They also have regular target-setting reviews with teachers.

Our children get grades for both attainment and effort 3 times a year, and once a year it's the full report with written comments too. We praise good results for attainment, progress and effort, and are careful to praise for that particular child and not for the actual grade - one child might get say a level 6 with their eyes shut, while for another child it might be a real achievement.

We don't reward with money, possessions or treats, I don't think that's necessary.

I think all children are savvy enough to see through comments that aren't sincere or are too general and not specific for that child. Mine certainly are, and we've had some laughs over some comments.

I agree with ecoworrier - it's never occured to me not to discuss the reports with dds. it's their work, their education, their future.

I agree - how do you explain to your children that they aren't allowed to see their reports? And how are they expected to act on any constructive criticism if they aren't told what it is!

We chat over it with them, without making a big things of it, point out th biggest imrpovements and talk about what they think they need to do next term.

We often have a meal out

It was huge milestone in year 1 for ds because he could read his report to us instead of us reading it to him! We always read reports as a family - the dcs tell each other how pleased they are with each other too - all very sweet and Walton familyish!

Thinking of class placements. In my secondary school we had formal exams three times a year. The results were then posted on the windows/doors of the classroom in rank order of the class.
It's just unthinkable now, isn't it?!
Also next to your class position was given your position from the previous term, so you could tell whether you've moved up or down!

Yup! Big kiss and a cuddle and I tell them how proud of them I am for working hard.

Yes lots of praise and telling nanny how good their report was!! Makes them very happy to know that we are proud and very pleased with them!! But i do treat them..maybe trip to cinema, special dinner or a comic or something..it certainly doesnt do any harm!! We all like to be appreciated, why should children be any different and they dont expect anything..its just nice to get a treat now and again.

Yes - with words and a small gift