Secondary schools, London (private or state - probably private easier in terms of getting a place?) for inattentive adhd?

[Workybeee]

I suspect DS has inattentive type ADHD. He has been miserable at primary school since the start, though academically has always done well. He says school is torture, boring, that he hates doing the work because he can’t concentrate.

I’m trying to find a better option for him for secondary and am really struggling!

He doesn’t have any signs of ASD or dyslexia etc; can anyone recommend any good private (or state) secondaries in London where someone with inattentive ADHD might thrive and be happy?

We live in North London. North London appears to have nothing?! But could travel or possibly could move, although our support system is here. (And I could be wrong about N London having nothing!)

Would it be possible to arrange a referral via your GP to a specialist who could assess him so that you have a confirmed diagnosis?

For a start you need to get him diagnosed and on meds - if you can afford private school then do this privately. N London is crazy competitive for private schools but if he gets in they are generally very good with this sort of thing.

I’m really reluctant to put him on meds. He’s so young! And loves life outside of school. I’d rather send him somewhere he can be happy and be himself? I don’t know.

To be honest we haven't found anything that works except meds with DD - and she was desperate enough to be up for trying any strategy.

She needs the medication in order to put any strategies in place. We did pick a reasonably liberal school that wouldn't go ballistic over her less than great EF, and one that has lots of tech and apps as those help keep her on track.

Medication is short acting and she doesn't take it at weekends or evenings unless needed.

Primary was fine for us without, although looking back I wish I'd started her on them much earlier, but secondary has been tough. The difference in results and her happiness since she started them has been incredible.

But your first move should be to find out if he even has ADHD, or whether something else could explain things.

My DS (now 14) was formally diagnosed with ADD just over a year ago, although the diagnosis really only confirmed what we already knew. We were also dubious about meds (primarily because we didn't want it to fundamentally change him). But the consultant we saw was really patient in talking through all our concerns. When we weighed the pros and cons, we decided to do a trial of medication. It's still quite early days, but it has made a noticable difference to his focus, without otherwise changing him.

I don't have any advice about specific N London schools, but having experienced two secondary schools and now looking for a third (I move regularly with my job), I think it is really worth looking for a school that is the right fit. Being able to look at both state and private obviously opens up your options. And I have concluded that I would always be willing to move / travel to find the right school, rather than settle.

In our experience, a super strict school with a gazillion rules and rigorous enforcement was a disasterous (this was a state comprehensive with otherwise great teaching / extra curriculars etc). My DS is a bright, kind and well-behaved kid, but ended up with loads of detentions for minor "infringements" caused by disorganisation, inattention and general scattiness (forgetting a minor piece of kit, or wearing odd coloured socks). The relentlessness of it was pretty crushing (and the NHS consultant who diagnosed him was dismayed to hear about this treatment, which he said was completely inappropriate for someone with ADHD).

Much more successful has been the more liberal, nurturing and smaller private international school where is is now. It still has high standards and gets the best out of kids (and DS achieves well) but in a more relaxed environment. It also helps that they have a good SEN department, which is properly resourced and provides good support to class teachers (who have smaller classes than the average state school, and therefore more time to implement supportive strategies for those who need it).

We're now looking for a sixth form boarding school in the UK, and will primarily be focusing on somewhere that is relatively relaxed whilst being supportive, that "gets" kids who might have some additional needs (and embraces that) and is absolutely not a hot-house / pressured environment. We're looking at both state and private options.

Sorry, massive essay without specific suggestions. Hope someone will be along soon with those!

Also have a ds with inattentive adhd. Our choice was private or a huge local school with over 2000 students.
There was no way he would manage it, with losing things, not listening so getting lost etc,lack of personalised learning plans.
The private school has worked out well and it's small, but very academic. He also recently started on medication, coinciding with starting year 8. The medication really is making a huge difference. Not just in focus, but in happiness (no one is angry with him anymore so he's happier), friendships ( maybe he's listening to them, I'm not sure), results have improved from about C/B to all As.
I was also apprehensive about medication, but wish he had started it in primary. He still has a low self esteem despite many talents. Maybe he wouldn't have that low self value if he started earlier and recognised his abilities.

Could he get to Letchworth? How about St Christopher's?

My daughter (14 going into year 10 in sept) suffers greatly with social anxiety not fitting in and she also has ADHD that’s supported with a ehcp.
i have realised that my daughter can’t manage in a mainstream school as classes are huge in state schools. We tried 2.
I was wondering if anyone could recommend any private schools in the central London Camden Westminster area specially for girls like my daughter?

Unless specialised, most of the mainstream independents here won’t accept ND children.

OP, is Surrey too far? There is More House (boys only) in Frensham.

Better for him to be diagnosed and given access to medication that could enable him to thrive anywhere from an early age than be harmed by places that can't meet his unmedicated needs and create further unhappiness in his little life.