Concerns about school + diversity issues

[happyjoyfull]

Hello, I recently moved cities from London to up North (city withheld for personal reasons), and we are experiencing some issues with some of the parents in the school. Some of the kids too, but not surprised because they are probably reflecting the behavior of the parents. I am also 1st generation expat/immigrant from an Afro-Carribean background and it seems there are issues with diversity in this school/area. It seems we are being targeted for whatever reason. It's downright sick and disgusting. I worry about my child's mental health because the environment does matter, and it's not about academic performance. The strange thing is when I was looking around for schools before we moved, I met a lady who lived in the city and she asked me "What are the parents in xxx school like?" I thought it was an unusual question, but in hindsight, I wonder...I attended a personal viewing/open day during the school day, so had an opportunity to see the school during school hours but did not meet any parents... we have been mocked and a particular group within the school has resorted to making up lies about my family - doesn't bother me, but I worry about my child. I found out about this discreetly. Thank you.

Report any racist incidents to the school and/or police. You and your family should have to put up with this in this day and age.

Sorry to hear that you are experiencing this sort of shit. Have you raised the issue with the school?

Report to School, please.

Thanks for your thoughts. I haven't spoken to the school, because most schools (in my opinion) tend to protect their school rating and won't act unless there is evidence e.g. physical or written.
I will start to keep a record of specific incidents and this could also be potentially reported to the police. To be honest, beyond raising it as a safeguarding concern, I am not sure what the school would do as they cannot control these parents. Thank you once again!

I would speak to the school urgently and I would also be looking for an alternative school. Your child's wellbeing needs to come first.

Thank you all. Having a happy and safe child is the most important thing. I'll get back to the school and keep my records. Not keen on another move to a new school, especially if there are issues in this particular area concerning such behaviour, moving to another school would not help as it would occur again. Move school or home school (if you can), seems to be the two options.
It seems that once you move further away from London, these issues arise - Diversity is not so common in some areas - and we are in 2024, not 1964?!

I think if you're having problems with ignorant racist parents, their children are likely to have picked up the same attitudes.
I know you shouldn't have to, but it will probably be easier to just find another school where the parent's aren't arseholes.

Update:
I’ve got homeschooling resources and have a few schools on my likely “new school” list. The school will review and get back to me, and monitor what’s going on in the class/playground to ensure child is not being targeted.

I am looking for a lasting solution that will help us and hopefully another person in the same situation. Every child (and parent) deserves to have a happy school experience. We need to stop this appalling behaviour in schools. If we keep changing schools, these monsters won’t stop! It seems there are focus groups and academic research that look to address these types of behaviours.

If anyone has encountered or is encountering a similar situation with their child’s school, especially after moving out of London, I would appreciate your comment/feedback about how you’ve dealt/are dealing with the situation.

Thank you to everyone who responded.

Hello op, sad to hear of this but unfortunately not surprised. I'm also in the north and racism is rife at the school, just one of the problems that's driving dd away (white but not UK and 'forrin' surname). In the blinkered culturally backward area where I live and grew up, most people target anyone who doesn't look or sound like them, and view outsiders with suspicion at best. No warmth, except from the teachers, who are generally very decent people. Among the kids it is mostly low key, minor incidents with no name calling so they don't get caught, but is constantly there in the background. School can do nothing, as turd polishing futile. Personal development lessons undermined by the "they're taking our jobs" comments and worse, that dd hears from certain classmates who obviously hear it at home. Many of the adults I know round here from years ago, from every social class, are extremely prejudiced in many ways. They pay lip service to diversity, at best.

Looks like dwindling attendance, failure to find alternatives and HE for us. So sick of dealing with other people's ignorance, you can never progress their thinking or be happy, just stuck dealing with the same old mindsets. Cliques and gangs. Constant anxiety and gaslighting myself that school is the best place for her, it needs to change.

I hope other posters can give you more positive experiences.

@happyjoyfull it depends whereabouts Nortg you are. Most cities are pretty cosmopolitan but the smaller towns and villages can be pretty monoculture although I think that this is a UK thing, rather than a Northern thing. The more rural you get then the faster the decrease in cultural diversity and schools obviously reflect the community around them. However not every village/town is racist and idiots can live anywhere!
Agree with others that safety and welfare of your DC comes first and definitely report any incidents to the school.

@twistyizzy It’s a city. Not small town. I think we underestimate the neighbourhoods of cities. There’s racism between all sorts of cultures within our cities. It’s not just black and white.

Neither is it a black mark for a school to receive a racism complaint. It’s a black mark not to deal with it but that’s impossible if they are not aware of it. All dc should report what’s been said or done to them or we get nowhere. No guarantee another school won’t have such children either

I agree on all points

Greetings,

Thank you for reading/replying/sharing your views. It has been so helpful.
The significance of online communities that provide a safe and secure platform for sharing experiences cannot be overstated, even if anonymously.

After conducting a thorough online search regarding the issues we are facing, I found a lot of information including articles, research, and reports. It's clear that our concerns are valid and not merely the actions of a “troublemaker”.

I've been advised (and cautioned) by someone who has been in similar situations, to tread carefully with the school because there could be potential “backlash” affecting my child, which this group of parents/kids would easily get away with as it would be very subtle. These may manifest in subtle yet harmful ways, such as excluding the child from activities, isolation, gossip spreading, or even overt hostility to provoke a negative reaction from the child/us.

We're engaging in activities outside of school to provide a balance for my child and to ensure they have opportunities to interact with other kids beyond the school environment. From my research, some parents in similar situations have found it beneficial to enrol their children in self-defence classes, like karate, as a precautionary measure.

It’s a long journey to finding a lasting solution, but it's a path we are committed to navigating.

Thank you once again. I won’t be posting further on this matter.

You must absolutely approach the school before assuming what their reaction will be and then by their reaction you can "judge" how supportive they will be. Bear in mind in this day and age all schools should be clued up on EDI issues and there is a lot they can do, if not educating the parents, at least the children! Best wishes x

#Final-Final-Thoughts-Tips
I felt a nudge to revisit my last post and share this with anyone going through a similar situation right now (or in the future)

The following tips have been useful on our "journey":💡
1--It's good to "talk" - speak out, don't be silent. 🤔
Join online communities, where you can safely (and anonymously) share your experiences without being stalked online👀.
💡We learn from others who have been through similar situations and discover our ways of dealing with and overcoming our specific situations.
2--These "incidents" occur across the UK, and the data differs significantly by city/region. Getting the right information is important! (do your checks online to confirm this).📈
3--Do not permit anyone to label you/your child. Their perception/opinions are not your reality. You're not that stereotype, who is "always" xxxxxx.😬
4--Be relieved 😌to know that you/your child are not imagining this!
5--Speak to the school (if you think it will help) and keep a record of incidents, so that you have documented records and don't have to rely on your/child's memory. Else, it's their word against yours.✍
6--If the school is unhelpful or if there is a better school environment for your child, consider changing schools or home school!
You have every right to do so.🎯
7--Get your child involved in fun activities outside school, and organise meet-ups with other parents/kids - from their current school and/or from other schools. 💫😊It helps to have a balanced view of the world.🌐
8--Support others in a similar situation by sharing your experiences, and listening to and learning from others.💪
9--Whilst these incidents can be stressful😓, don't forget who you are😎.
Remember to live, laugh, do what matters, and enjoy your time with your child.
😇You only live once!🙌

There is no silver bullet, but you will eventually find what works best for you/your child.

#Final-Thoughts-Tips

This is extremely hard. But I would ask for a meeting with the headteacher and report it to the police. Keep everything with the school in writing. In this instance they will actually care to help you because they know that if they do not, ofsted will rate them inadequate. If safeguarding is not effective, a school is automatically rated as inadequate regardless of any other metrics, and you can yourself email ofsted if they refuse to engage (which they won’t for the above reasons).

Now about racism in UK schools… it runs much deeper and is embedded in the policies of monolingualism in England, end enforced by tests such as phonics screening which contains so called alien words that are made up words devout of any meaning - but here’s the twist - they expect kids to read them applying “English” phonics. However, if you are a kid who speaks several languages (which in the UK means that you are not white English) - you can read the alien words applying any set of linguistic rules (btw I am a linguist myself and speak five languages), for example you can read them in Spanish or Swahili, in which case the kid would fail the rest as the pass criteria is that the alien words must be read using a credible phoneme (that implies in English as they teach them as part of the English lessons and the white English teachers do not usually speak another language, not to the high standard required to engage in comparative linguistics anyway).

All this is very subtle but it’s a racist policy at its core, and one introduced by no other than Michael Gove who is largely considered to be a clown.