Confused..what to do next..

[orangutanbanana]

My DD is 8, year 4. Years 1 & 2 were fantastic, the same teacher for both years who is very well qualified and is the schools SEN lead.
Year 3, new teacher, new classroom, and half of the class was new pupils, all good.
She began having some outbursts and was also the butt of some bullying from another child, regularly coming home in tears. After each incident I'd email the school and my first meeting I was told that this was because a) she's an only child and b) she doesn't have cousins nearby.
The headteacher was pushing for me to pressure my GP for a SEN referral. However no one in year 1 & 2 had ever suggested this.
We had some talking therapy via the GP which has helped but now we have started year 4, there are still outbursts. We have tried to show her coping mechanisms,
Academically she's fine.
Since then the class teacher has been great, and any incidents have been discussed that day. No more bullying.
The headteacher now wants to speak to me. I really don't want another lecture, where I'm not listened to. I feel a bit lost to be honest, and just want to help my DD navigate all of this. Thoughts are welcome!

If they're suggesting a SEN referral, then I really would look into that. It's far more likely that she won't meet the criteria for a diagnosis when she would benefit from one than the other way round. You're not looking for a "label" or "excuses" but an understanding and methods to help her struggles.

Ds I asked about ASD/ADHD almost every year from year R upwards. I got "summer boy" "grow out of it" "he's a bright boy" "he's doing fine" and similar comments. He was diagnosed with both aged 13yo, and I so wish I'd pushed earlier.
Not that I wanted the diagnosis, but more that it comes with understanding and strategies to help him. Once he had the diagnosis, then it means that when he struggles, people understand that he isn't just being naughty, but he is finding it hard. That also rather than dismissing him as being a pain, they look at strategies to help.
Things that I had just thought were part of him, I realise are connected with his ASD. That when he puts his hoodie up and zips it up to his nose, it isn't him being antisocial and awkward (he looks like a little thug!) - it's a protection to him, a way of just giving his own space. When the hoodie comes off, then he's feeling comfortable again.

With ds I never realised how much school effected him until the second lockdown. The Sunday evening bad mood which I'd never really thought about returned the day before school reopened, and it was a lightbulb moment for me as how much he was masking at school.

Academically (he's now doing A-levels) he's doing great. Most of the time he's not needing any extra support. But having the fall back of the support being there when he struggles is a big thing. Just having it there reduces his need for it.

Ask the head what he wants referral for. I suspect ASD simply from you using the term "outbursts". I may be totally wrong. But it also will help with the methods they use to help. It's not a label to be fearful of; it's more a handle to help understand and support your dc.