Horrible teacher

[janh]

Advice, please, clever ladies. This situation is not earth-shatteringly important but I am just so pissed off about it.

DS2 is in Y5 now. The teachers he had in Reception, Y1, Y2 and now in Y5 have all thought he is great - eager, pleasant, hard-working, rewarding to teach and nice to have around (talks too much and fidgets but, hey, he's a boy.)

His Y3 teacher wasn't a great success but she took over in the January from one he liked a lot. His Y4 teacher just plain didn't like him - I think I mentioned once that at his spring term parent's evening all she did was whine about him (fidgetting, talking etc - not a good word for him.) (So she didn't get an end of term present from us - maybe this is where I've gone wrong )

The problem is that she takes choir. Now he loves singing, is always singing around the house, but inevitably still fidgets and occasionally whispers and she is always on him like a ton of bricks.

At rehearsal tonight they had been told to sit down. Most of them, including him, sat down but the boy next to him didn't so he said "sit down". He has an ENORMOUS brace which makes him lisp and it came out like "shit down" - but wasn't. Anyway later on somebody was reported to have been swearing and the boy DS said "sit down" to - a proper little goody-goody-teacher's-pet anyway - went "oh, Mrs Thing, so-and-so swore too, he said the SH word." So DS got bollocked (scuse me) and when he tried to explain about the brace he got "don't answer me back".

Needless to say I am seething but am not sure what to do. She is entitled not to like him, but not to treat him like a badly behaved little oik, which is what she has done since she first encountered him. (DS1 was in the choir, she took over from a teacher he really liked, 1 session with her and he left, I suspect DS2 has been tarred with his brush) (DS1 was NOT a good boy!)

I am tempted to complain to the head. I don't think there is any percentage in complaining to her. He would be happy to leave the choir as he is sick of being constantly jumped on (she does jump on others too - mostly boys - girls get away with things boys don't) but I think it would be a shame and an injustice - she should not behave like this. I know she is giving up her own time but if she resents it so much maybe she is in the wrong job - primary school teachers have to do this kind of thing, don't they?

HELP!

oh well there's that theory gone out of the window!

Did you ever sit in on orchestra rehearsals, mears? Not an easy thing to do if you are pushed for time, but just wondered in Janh's case especially, if several parents are concerned could this be a solution - open rehearsals?

I did not sit in rehearsals - there is no way that would be tolerated. I think all that would achieve is him behaving whilst watched. I do think he would confront a parent and ask them to leave. You have to pay for tickets to hear the children play in concert. I think it would be disconcerting for the children as well. These kids are aged 11 years but mainly are young teenagers.

I was a wimp and should have reported him. Also other parents I talked to accepted that was the way he was and that had to be accepted if you wanted your child in that 'elite' group.

A friend did complain at the time her son was having problems at primary school ( mine wasn't at that stage). She did look for support but I had no supporting evidence to give and did not want to get caught up in a scene. After that complaint he was not allowed to teach the primary children anymore because they were perhaps too young to tolerate his methods. There were a lot of unhappy parents at that decision because they were the ones who believe his methods are a necessary evil if you want to get results.The education department knew of his methods. Another parent made a complaint to the education dept. but did not proceed because her son would have to give evidence against him in an investigation and she did not want to put him through that.
My ds started having joint lessons with another boy so that he was not on his own with him after I told him I was not happy with his methods and that my son was scared of him. He apologised for his behaviour and said that it was because he was so passionate about the music that he lost his temper easily when a child was obviously not practising and putting in the effort. Sometimes my ds was not putting in the practice but I felt he was discouraged rather than encouraged by this man.

I did not want us to be the objects of the other parents wrath ( mainly wealthy influencial parents) and decided it was easier to remove him than create hassle for us all.

I could say much more but I think I have made myself identifyable so had better stop now.

Forgot to say my ds started having direct problems when he was retaught by him when he moved up to the academy a year later.

mears, what an unpleasant man, ours actually pales into insignificance against him.

Today I was by chance with a friend who teaches flute, who was being very vocal on the way some teachers (not just of music) destroy children's confidence by attacking what they do and how they do it and, indirectly, them as people. What makes these people go into teaching? What do they think gives them the right to knock other people back just because they are smaller and younger?

She herself started having flute lessons as an adult, over 20 years ago, with a teacher who treated her in exactly this way and put her off for 10 years - if she hadn't plucked up courage to try again lots of local children would have been robbed of the joy of learning with a really good and sympathetic teacher. I believe many musicians teach purely because they are not good enough to make a living as professional musicians but don't want to do anything else, and she says there are certainly music teachers who feel threatened by a talented child and don't want to be surpassed by them, rather than feeling delighted that they can help and encourage them on.

Goodness, some people are peculiar.

oh, sobernow, I am sorry, hope you didn't mind my mentioning it - not surprised you feel crushed - just a temporary setback I hope? Too much commitment for now? (A friend of my DD1's was expecting her second baby this year, older child still a toddler, house being bought, everything piling up and he ran away for a bit - all too much. Everything fine again now for them, hope it will be for you too, fingers crossed...)

sorry i havent read all the thread, but i am upset for you i know its heartbreaking.

if i get really upset i know that my words might not come out right, so when i had a situation at school with a classroom support person, i wrote a letter, the school takes it very seriously when its on paper. it neednt be nasty but this way i find i can control what i say - re read it, re write it, until it sounds just right.

its not right for people in positions of authority or power to break a childs spirit, and i do hope your child keeps on singing.