Help my children with their learning and be at home more or fire up my career?

[Mysteriousgirl2]

I’m working FT with 3 small DC and I feel torn about a potential decision coming up.

I can afford not to work for a bit, and would really enjoy taking the DC to museums, spending time reading, doing music etc after school and during the day for my youngest who is nursery age.

Currently working in a pressured job and don’t have much time for all of these lovely things. An opportunity has come up where I might be able to send my DC to private school, but I’d need to keep working to do so.

So, should I take the decision to work harder, knowing that by doing so I could afford a really good school for them? Or should I prioritise being with them now, to help them at home with everything they need, such as extra curricular clubs etc.

For reference the DC are 8, 5 and 3. Our local comp is in special measures and a bit of a sink school.

I’ve been out of work for a long time, and only just started back in so it really does feel like an either/ or situation. If I come out of my career now, it won’t look too good, but we are lucky financially and I know we could do it without too much sacrifice.

Once all of your children are in school it feels like less of an either/or situation? Maybe your setup is different, but during the school week mine don’t have time in the afternoons for much more than dinner/homework/reading together and bed. Granted they do after school clubs (by choice rather than necessity), but the time I spend with them is dictated more by their schedule than my work obligations. School holidays the dc like to go to holiday clubs for a day or two typically, so I can really stretch my holiday allowance and still spend most of each holiday doing things together.

It will depend a bit on the nature of your work though - both dh and I used to have jobs that required commutes / long hours/ travel at short notice, and there is no way we could both do that post kids without completely delegating childcare to paid or familial support, which we wouldn’t find acceptable. I have taken a more flexible role that allows me to be there for them after school, as well as cover the logistics of school runs, etc, when dh is away.

I also wouldn’t paint yourself into a corner where you HAVE to work full time for the next 14 years in order to fund education - that sounds like a recipe for stress and resentment unless you really love your job and/or the kids really need what the private school offers. If it is just about re-establishing your career, is that something you can focus on for a couple of years and then re-evaluate options for part time or other flexible arrangements?

Yes @Labraradabrador I agree about feeling trapped for the next 14 years. This is such a tough decision to make.

Is there a third option that would allow you to work part-time or more flexibly? I totally understand about wanting to spend time with your DC - I felt like this too and went part-time. But it would be a shame to totally shelve your career when you've only just got it going again. Carrying on working (even if it's only PT) might give you the option to move to an area with better secondary schools?

I think you should take some time working part time. We have our children in private schools and will probably move to state given the VAT.

I would investigate work in areas you really are interested in / will keep up your skills and go part time, just sufficient to get tax credits. You would be able to be both maintain a foot in the workplace / extend your skills, get income (double check all support you are eligible for) and also spend time doing enrichment activities with your children.

if you have spare money, you could give them extra tutoring, fun camps, extracurricular sports. That together with your time will work miracles for your children.

my two pennies worth 😀

Stick with working.

You're only just back and I suspect you're just having a bit of a wistful moment (what with the run up to Christmas) and you are over-idealising one version of happy families.

Other versions are available.

You say you can afford not to work for a while - but would you ever get back to where you are now? Can you afford permanent diminution in earnings? Are you keeping up pensions contributions?

Are you funding your time off through savings/inheritance? Will it matter that it's gone?

Or is someone else funding you? If so, is there a binding agreement that means you won't be left high and dry if they change their mind? What's the contingency plan if that person has to leave the workforce?

@RoseAndRose thanks for your insight.

Yes, I probably am idealising it a bit.

I’ve had an inheritance which I invested carefully and I can live off it if I need to.

I think I want a decent career AND want to do everything for my children while they are small. Feeling very torn.