Am livid! A 'private school' rant.

[miljee]

Got this in an email from a CLOSE friend. She sends her 2 x DSs to a 10.5K per child prep.(which they're struggling to afford...- don't rely on daddy's bonus to pay up!) She has a friend, 'A's mother who is (was?), apparently anti private education "who vowed she would never send her children to a private school as they would turn out to be obnoxious and arrogant with a huge sense of entitlement"- I recall this child (A) was described to me as being ill disciplined, bullying and slightly out-of-control, but mother has now suddenly announced she, too will be sending 'A' to another prep in their town! Here I quote from my friend: 'I do believe they've made the right decision as A is exactly the sort of child who will thrive in private education. He is highly intelligent and enquiring, and needs to be pushed.'. So am I to believe that the message is that those amongst us who have 'highly intelligent and enquiring' DCs are FAILING their children by settling for the local ('Outstandingly OFSTED'ed school)? Would YOU send an email like that to YOUR friend?? How does a child who was erstwhile basically a little 's*' suddenly become 'highly intelligent and enquiring'? Could it be suddenly the parents are talking the same language as my friend?

What IS it with these people?

Rant over.

This isn't really a private school rant in the end then? But one about other parents sending out bizarre, not nice emails.

No, I wouldn;t send such an email. And I wouldn't meake out that private ed is the only way to get a good education for a "highly intelligent and enquiring" child either.

But I am normal - they don;t sound it!

They sound very silly and not worth getting steamed up about.

lol maybe he's an underachiever and needs the smaller classes (well one way to interpret it)

She has to justify the 20K fee, still tactless though to say the least. She's the fool if she's got an outstanding state school in the area though.

People who send their kids to private schools automatically become your friend if you send your child to a private school.
This is why the child is now "approved".
It works the other way too, I knew a mother and got on with her fine, I checked out all the local schools and went for the state one, she sends her own to local prep, when she discovered I chose the state school she stopped even acknowledging I was alive.
I expect when my DD does go to private school I will be back on her "approved" list.

I hate that attitude.

Tactless, funny agenda, obviously she's insecure about her choices, ignore her.

She sounds socially inept.

Some people are so pea-brained..

Miggsie - it doesn't have to be that way and it certainly isn;t the case for me.

I have several friends, who I like and still see, who have children in the state sector. My DD goes to a private school. I also admit to not liking everyone who sends their child to a private school, why would I?

She doesn't say that highly intelligent and enquiring children are failed by state schools, she says that they thrive in private schools. And there's nothing to say that a child who is highly intelligent and enquiring can't be a little [whatever] as well -- unless you are suggesting that only less intelligent children can have behaviour problems?

Are you to believe that the message is that those amongst us who have 'highly intelligent and enquiring' DCs are FAILING their children by settling for the local ('Outstandingly OFSTED'ed school)?

Ummm, well, no. She doesn't appear to have said that at all, unless there's far more to the email than you've quoted. The most I'd take from what she's said is that she thinks that children who are highly intelligent, enquiring and have behavioural problems may do better in private school than in state school.

But I haven't any idea why she'd send you that email. Maybe she thought you'd get a kick out of A's sudden change in principles? Otherwise it's a little bizarre.

P.S. I'm not saying she's right about her rather simplistic assertion that highly intelligent and enquiring children thrive in private schools, just that she doesn't appear to be saying what you think she's saying.

babybore is spot on. It's more difficult to justify spending this much on private education when you have an outstanding state school on your doorstep, so she's clutching at straws to try to make her point. Ignore. Intelligent and enquiring children thrive in good state schools. If you're that pissed off about it, reply saying you're glad she feels that way, but you want your dc to go to a top university and therefore don't want them to be disadvantaged by applying from a private school

Message withdrawn

I have more friends with children in state sector than private sector TBH, lots more.

What an idiot. It's so misplaced and inconsiderate to say that. Leave her to it and don't get drawn in. She's talking out her bum....probably trying to justify her own choices to herself.

Works the other way as well. I have one child in state and the other in private. I can talk to friends (all with dcs in state schools) about dc in state - how they're getting on, what they're doing etc - but not similar things about dc in the private school. One is accepted; the other isn't. There's prejudice on both sides.

I've calmed down a bit now- just a bit! - I think the issue that I find offensive is that she KNOWS I send my 2 x DSs to state schools, because private is out of the (financial) question and because we're fortunate in having good state schools here; oh and I do feel (like A's mother before her change of heart!)to a certain extent that "children (who go)to a private school can turn out to be obnoxious and arrogant with a huge sense of entitlement" (see OP!!),she also knows she's endlessly told me about how horrible and disruptive A is and how badly parented (tho' the mother is her friend!). All well and good. You get those in all walks of life. It's the suddenly declaring A to be 'highly intelligent and enquiring' now he's about to join the elite. TBF, the primary he's at (and the one my friend removed her DCs from) is NOT good (the outstanding OFSTED'ed one of which I spoke is local to me, not her!) but the difficult and challenging DCs there are labelled 'pikey scum' but A's behavioural issues have suddenly morphed into 'highly intelligent and enquiring'.

I like the quote from "Swallows and Amazons" - "if not duffers, won't drown". The home environment is always more important than school.

I don't agree that "better drowned than duffers" though if anyone is wondering about the full quote!

seeing as your friend calls other kids "pikey scum" sounds like you've got off quite lightly with those tactless comments. I see it more as her being insecure and implying her own kids are little geniuses that need stretching, than as criticism of you or your kids.

All this "pushing" and "stretching" of children sounds painful.