Accidents at school

[Kath101]

Hi My son started school this year and is the youngest, when he started he started to have 'wee' accidents which we seem to have overcome (he had had no problem whilst full time at nursery) and we put this down to the fact that he gets very busy and won't stop what he is doing. Recently we have started to have the same problem but now with number twos!!The school have suggested I seek advice so am going to contact the Health Visitor but it is difficult because when he is at home or the childminders he has no problem. In fact when he recently had a tummy bug he was making it to the toilet even in the night. Any suggestions would be gratefully received, we are going to try a star chart. My biggest other concern was the tone from the Headmistress when I asked her about whether she wanted him to leave school (probably me being a bit of a drama queen) but her reply was not convincingly reassuring rather negative in fact. Can she ask him to leave because of this???

My dd1 used to do this with weeing. Was fine at full time day nursery and at childminders, so I took the line of what are you doing to her at school to make her keep doing this? They backed down pretty smartish when I pointed out that she was fine every where else. If he's only doing it at school then the school have to at least take some responsibility and start to address the problem rather than fobbing you off to the hv. Ask them to work with you to try to find the best solution for your son.

They need to take more responsibility for helping with this from your post. If he forgets to go then they should remind him or even take him at regular intervals. My ds was like that. He would get so engrossed in things he would forget. Luckily he had a caring teacher and I was never made to feel it was a problem.

Might be worth getting him checked out by GP so you can say to school that there is no underlying medical problem and for your own peace of mind.
Unlikely that children would do this on purpose - but sometimes if they are trying to avoid "going" at school, they will hold it in and then will lose control and have accidents later on. This can even cause constipation problems in the long run so needs to be addressed with the support of the school.
May need some sort of regular prompting to go to the toilet; possibly a reward system but not if this would cause further stress.

Are there arrangements in place for dealing with the accidents (spare clothes; someone who is happy to change him/come in and change him).

If its only happened a couple of times maybe it will sort itself out if you talk to him and the teacher and they make it clear he can go if he needs to.

Does he have a problem with School loos? Some kids are too embarrassed to go.

some children really get worried about using the loo at school to do anything other than wee!

i would ignore the head, this is pretty common afaik. (my son did it once or twice in reception). i would find out if he has any worries about the loo he's being asked to use. contacting the health visitor at this stage seems like they're passing the buck slightly

Thanks everyone, this has been really helpful, I am definitely going to approach the school again with a positive strategy. I am really surprised at how quickly they have passed this back, they were more supportive when it was only wees. I know it isn't pleasant changing him but chucking the towel in is not a solution