What would you do if you thought your daughter's school was letting her down?

[Wills]

My daughter moved from an infants to a junior's last September and since then there hasn't been a week gone by when she hasn't been in tears about something. What she's in tears about changes all the time and it feels like we're riding a roller coaster. When she's not crying she's whining and when she's not whining she's normally picking on one of her siblings. Is AWFUL. I've been in to see her TA, her teacher and even the head. Every time I'm met extremely pleasantly and told that something will be done and although things improve for a week or so it isn't long before we're back to square one.

Before anyone says that it could be the change from infants to juniors I'm not so sure. At the end of year 1 we moved 100 miles to where we currently are, away from all her friends and family to a new house a new school oh and a new brother arrived as well. Although she showed similar behaviour for the first half term she really settled quickly and became a very happy content child. So I'm not sure that the change from infants to Juniors can account for this.

Also she's bright - not super bright but she got a 3 in her English and I know they're not challenging her. She's not bought a book home since Christmas because "those ones are boring" so I've focused on taking her to the library instead. But I do think this boredom level is the key to the crying and whining. I think she simply has too much time on her hands.

So where to go from here? Do I change schools? Do I get a tutor? We've thought about private school but that would be a real hardship and how would we then fund her two siblings who are 4 and 1 as that would be impossible! I'm not really keen on tutoring either as I do feel that apart from homework home time should be for playing/socialising. School time should be the time for school work etc.

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anyone?????

What do you think the problem is?

Is it the teacher? Class setting? Appropriateness of the work? Non-structured times? etc.

Hard to give ideas without narrowing it down a bit.

I don't think a tutor is the answer. Sounds more emotional than educational.

Is there some fun after school activity you could get her into?

What did the school say they'd do about it - are they looking into what the problem may be, or do they have an idea about what the problem is?

Ds1, aged 6 and in Y1, has just abruptly disengaged from school. I think he is bright, shy, can be lonely and can be sociable. I wonder if he's not challenged by work in class, but I also know that he struggles to concentrate on the task in hand, whether in class or when he does homework. I'm hoping that this is just another phase and that he'll get over it on his own. One of his friends Mums told me this happened to her eldest and he 're-engaged' with school 3 YEARS later!

Not any help at all, all I can do is sympathise, bump, and hope that somebody else who has been there will reply so I can crib too!

My dd has loads of after school activities, if anything boardering on too many i.e. riding, swiming, gymnastics and brownies. The teacher always appears shocked to see me. She seems to have no idea that dd1 is unhappy (which is always a tad disappointing).

Maybe it's the two moves in fairly close succession she's found difficult but there's isn't anything you can do about that and adding another may compound it further.

Re the library thing - DD told me she's read every book in her school library and seeing as she brings a different book home every evening, I wasn't surprised but today was parents' evening and before I mentioned it to the teacher I went to the school library with DD and looked through the shelves. I managed to find, fairly quickly, five books she said looked good and she went to bed with one this evening. Obviously I didn't say anything to the teacher!

What are they doing in the period immediately after you complain that makes it better? Does your daughter talk to you about what happens in class?

She enjoys the class times but hates playtime which I find odd because until now she's always been a very social child. She's obviously engaged in terms of history and maths as she is very bright and bubbly when she talks about such these things but she no longer speaks about reading/story times which I know still continue. We regularly go to the local libraries (we have time in opposite directions) and she's known by the staff who always recommend books to her and look out for new ones to save for her. I'm just concerned that this is no longer happening at school. When we last discussed it the teacher seemed surprised to hear me call my dd1 a bookworm she didn't seem to feel dd1 loved reading at all.

If she hates playtime I imagine that there is a problem with her friends.
My dd fell out with her best friend in year 1/2 and got v miserable.
She has now got a new best friend and much happier, but it was def rollercoaster rides for a while.

Yes but before I get embroiled into each item that's this week. Next week it could be maths, her shoes, her uniform, P.E., swimming. The list changes weekly which has been why I'm trying to see "beyond" each individual item. Although saying that when it's friends its the most dramatic.

Have you discussed the books she gets from the library with the teacher, could it be that the books they're looking at in class are ones she's already familiar with? Also have you discussed progress / friendships with teacher?

If it's playtimes that are a worry it could be a friendship thing - did she have a close friend that moved up to the juniors with her, or did she lose a close friend - I moved dd school 5 years ago and only found out 2 years after the move which friend she was really upset to leave behind.

If it's a playtime thing, it might not be showing up in class iyswim and some kids who like reading at home just don't seem to do it much at school, where there's so many other things to do!

I think the work load and the friendship 'load' does go up quite dramatically at that age. I am sure she will adjust and it will pass (like all these phases)
In the meantime I would just give her extra positive attention and reassurance, and see where you are in a couple of months.

I've discussed books as at one point that was one of the major issues that resulted in her telling me she felt sick etc and refusing to go to school. I do agree that this might be a "phase" hence why I'm concerned about what to do next. moving her to another school may simply exacerbate the whole thing. Right unfortunately I'm off to bed as dd2 is currently getting up at between 4.30 and 5.30 to start her day (that's a whole different thread!)

pLease put down any other thoughts cos I'll have plenty of time to review them in the early hours of the morning when dd2 is up bright as a morning lark!

Has the school told you what they are doing about it and do they have any 'emotional literacy' classes or super circle type activities going on - it's like circle time but TA / FLO led and in smaller groups who meet more regularly, to help support a variety of things from LD to emotional development to friendships to helping children become leaders and more assertive (IME). It may be part of the PSHE programme or citizenship programme if the school has one.

If the school does have something like this it can really help as the children get the smaller group attention and a regular 'personal' contact and sometimes it's easier to talk to someone other than your teacher as you don't have to share the other adult with 30+ children!

Good Luck!

Also, just a thought, has the discipline system changed? Some kids can find a change like this unsettling.