Have you ever bothered trying to persuade a family member to get a SEND diagnosis?

[Peppaissoannoying]

We have three children and the oldest is autistic. He is now 13 and we had him diagnosed very early meaning he’s had almost a decade of interventions and this has helped him to overcome many barriers and keep up with his peers having been behind. However, it has been hard work and has taken a lot of effort over many years.

My SIL has two children and her youngest has all the markers our oldest has. Her oldest hit all the milestones quickly (and didn’t we hear about it, especially how much more advanced this younger child was in comparison to our eldest even tho a few years younger) so I know she is grieving for what she thinks should have been. It is not helped by the fact that our youngest is nine months younger than her child that is having issues, tho would appear to be the older child in terms of development.

My MIL has gently tried to tell her that she might want to look at start moving towards getting her youngest on the list for assessment, especially as it takes so long, and to start ruling out other things that could be impacting his development but SIL won’t even get the simplest tests done even to rule other things out. It’s like it’s a total insult to her.

So on the one hand, I feel I have to just leave her to it as it’s not my place and she has to come to it in her own sweet time but on the other hand, I just know she’s doing her child no favours if she doesn’t start the process asap. Would you even bother trying to speak to her about it? Or just leave her to it?

but the point is, it is not a shame for her child, it won't make any difference to her child, her child will get the support available for their needs, whether they have a label or not. If you work in the area of SEND then you know labels been little to nothing

@allsfairin Indeed, if the school can cope. And that's a big IF. Otherwise (as you will know obviously also working in SEND) the child gets passed from pillar to post by schools that "can't meet their needs" as they don't have the extra funding and then we end up with crisis care.

I think it varies from area to area in old area funding went to schools but then we moved areas and was mostly LA controlled. In the are were funding went to school was needs based as it legally should be and we had full time TA some of the time and worked great. I had no idea when we moved different areas had different policies. New area had a big lack of school places too and guess which kids the academies don't want?

All the diagnosis got us was PIP though if money is an issue that might be worth mentioning. DLA if younger. You could maybe suggest she asks school to bring an ed psych in though would be tempted to stay out of it. But if you don't then would do it in a way which says things like your child could get extra time and emphasise any advantages.

For me diagnosis wasn’t as helpful, it was the specific interventions which often are parent led and done so why not focus on these?

For example speech, motor skills? The Hanen books are great for speech, as is just understanding where the child is at, getting on their level etc and having a trampoline at home and lots of time at soft play is basically OT.