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Original poster

Haircut policy

54 replies

reblev92 · 31/08/2023 22:51

I've got 2 girls, so I've never had this issue but I can't actually believe it. My son is 4 and has attended a nursery for 3 hours a day, ever since having his haircut he's had the same style (he's autistic so likes everything the same) he gets a tram line across the top of the fade. Looks unbelievablely smart and bloody handsome 😫 anyway i got pulled last term and i genuinely thought she was joking so i laughed n went to walk away then realised she wasn't joking, anyways the next time he went for his cut (he has the same barber every time) I had totally forgot to mention the no tram lines and the next day my son attended nursery as normal but comes out with a brown envelope, I get home and open it and it's a copy of the uniform policy with the haircut rules hilighted. Then the part about excluding him hilighted as well, they're lucky I didn't see it while they were here. My son has come a long way in the last year and his haircut hasn't affected anything he does I just don't think they should be giving the rap to you. I just can't believe that people think they have the authority to tell you how to raise your own kids it infuriates me and makes me want to do it all the more.also my son has an EHCP so surely they can't exclude

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Jackdanielsg1 · 04/09/2023 22:04

My DS is autistic and the same age about to start school. He doesn't like change either. For my DS I would start talking about it 3 days before and would gently say we can't have the dinosaur cut in our hair any more but instead the dinosaur is going to scratch xxz ie arm or jumper or anywhere he is comfortable with. Then draw a little pretend scratch on his arm or have a little sticker of a scratch to put on his jumper or water bottle etc when finished the haircut. He doesnt like change but accepts things more if they only change slightly as opposed to it completely disappearing/stopping if that makes any sense? Good luck x

Original poster
reblev92 · 10/09/2023 00:36

We managed a haircut without the dinosaur scratch, my ds loves stories and has a wild imagination so all morning I was talking about the dinosaur battle, but this time my ds was too fast and the dinosaur couldn't catch him, so there was no scratch this time, he wasn't happy at first and when the barber had finished he pointed and said 'scratch' but I told him the battle wasn't over yet and the dinosaur hadn't caught him and when it did we'd get the scratch, luckily with him starting full time school it seems he's forgotten, he's focusing on something else I'd say, but there's time yet😳🤣 bless his heart his mind is in overdrive this week, he's literally just started to settle at nursery and now he's in a whole new class new teacher etc. my heart breaks for him, it really does. Id keep him home if I could 🥺

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Original poster
reblev92 · 10/09/2023 00:41

lindsaygii · 04/09/2023 13:23

Schools have rules which are small and easy to follow largely so that there is a reminder there for everyone, students and teachers (and parents) of who is in charge. If the teachers aren't in charge, then no one learns anything.

Everyone needs to learn to follow rules in life. Everyone. If you encourage your child to break school rules then you are encouraging them to disrupt school life for every other student in their class, and for themselves.

The rules are often small because that means that teachers have small psychological levers they can pull to remind pupils of who is in charge. Remember that teacher who wouldn't talk to you about why you got in a fight until you did up your top button? They didn't give a toss about your button. They were just reminding you of who was in charge before starting to discuss the fight.

As a teacher and a parent I cannot express how frustrating it is when selfish and unreasonable parents insist on encouraging their child to ignore the rules. It is literally destroying the home-school covenant and pulling learning environments down into the sewer for everyone. How can teachers possibly succeed with parents undermining them? Could you teach Maths to a group of teenagers whose parents had told them it was okay to ignore them? Or English? Or anything?

Get used to it, or do home schooling. If you really are against all rules, then home school them in whatever you think is important, and leave everyone else to live how they want - following the rules and getting educated.

That was quite a lecture, I'm new to the whole autism thing I came on just to express a feeling I had against someone else choosing how my kids want their own bodies. Nothing major I was mad in the moment but we've been for the haircut and all is good, he coped well, up to now. You know people like you who say 'just homeschool if it's a problem' do you not think that's all I've wanted to do is to protect him from the world. It's cruel out there. Breaks my heart everyday to send him to school, but I've fought hard for him to get the extra help and his EHCP in place before I sent him anywhere, if I took him out I'd look a damn fool I've just got to trust that they'll protect him like I would. Which I know deep down they don't have the instinct I have but the way they talk about him is heartwarming and gives me some peace. LeVe me be

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Original poster
reblev92 · 10/09/2023 00:45

lindsaygii · 04/09/2023 13:23

Schools have rules which are small and easy to follow largely so that there is a reminder there for everyone, students and teachers (and parents) of who is in charge. If the teachers aren't in charge, then no one learns anything.

Everyone needs to learn to follow rules in life. Everyone. If you encourage your child to break school rules then you are encouraging them to disrupt school life for every other student in their class, and for themselves.

The rules are often small because that means that teachers have small psychological levers they can pull to remind pupils of who is in charge. Remember that teacher who wouldn't talk to you about why you got in a fight until you did up your top button? They didn't give a toss about your button. They were just reminding you of who was in charge before starting to discuss the fight.

As a teacher and a parent I cannot express how frustrating it is when selfish and unreasonable parents insist on encouraging their child to ignore the rules. It is literally destroying the home-school covenant and pulling learning environments down into the sewer for everyone. How can teachers possibly succeed with parents undermining them? Could you teach Maths to a group of teenagers whose parents had told them it was okay to ignore them? Or English? Or anything?

Get used to it, or do home schooling. If you really are against all rules, then home school them in whatever you think is important, and leave everyone else to live how they want - following the rules and getting educated.

And the whole comment of ignoring certain lessons was extreme. I support the uniform and the lessons, the respect you get you give back. All teachers care about now is having authority, it's intimidating to young children, and I would like my children's teachers to speak to them how I would, you aren't above anyone here, none of this miss trunchball I'm big your small I'm right your wrong, we're moulding grown humans. We should do it right

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