Haircut policy

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I've got 2 girls, so I've never had this issue but I can't actually believe it. My son is 4 and has attended a nursery for 3 hours a day, ever since having his haircut he's had the same style (he's autistic so likes everything the same) he gets a tram line across the top of the fade. Looks unbelievablely smart and bloody handsome 😫 anyway i got pulled last term and i genuinely thought she was joking so i laughed n went to walk away then realised she wasn't joking, anyways the next time he went for his cut (he has the same barber every time) I had totally forgot to mention the no tram lines and the next day my son attended nursery as normal but comes out with a brown envelope, I get home and open it and it's a copy of the uniform policy with the haircut rules hilighted. Then the part about excluding him hilighted as well, they're lucky I didn't see it while they were here. My son has come a long way in the last year and his haircut hasn't affected anything he does I just don't think they should be giving the rap to you. I just can't believe that people think they have the authority to tell you how to raise your own kids it infuriates me and makes me want to do it all the more.also my son has an EHCP so surely they can't exclude

@ConnieTucker my attitude to rules? If you read I've already said I will follow uniform policy and standards of work but when it comes to dictating how my child wants to look (on their own body) I have something to say, I will be their voice and they'll always express themselves no matter what. Yes she got isolation for 3 days but never removed the stud. So basically the rule got brushed under the carpet after 3 days? Nothing else happened 🤔 strange isn't it. You just get off my post please because your not understanding. Your coming for me because you want an argument.

@ConnieTucker jumping to conclusions a bit here aren't you? OP came here for advice for a bashing! Smh!

@ConnieTucker your trying to manipulate me into thinking that it's all me and I'm being pathetic about it. And the fact I broke a rule with my daughter I have an issue with rules. She was 13, knew the punishment and I warned her for days,she was adamant she was having the piercing. Who am I to tell her no at that age ? She knew she broke the rules she deals with the consequences, there was about 10 of them got it done, whereas bullying at that school is rife but they do nothing.

Not a bashing*

@AutumnMistletoe I feel terrible enough as it is not knowing what to do for the best, but you must agree it's a pathetic rule they're human beings and they're treat like robots it makes me so sad 😢 I've seen life in a different light since having Keegan and learning about autism. What a magical place my boy lives in. Nobody is going to dim his light, he's doing absolutely no harm leave him bloody be. 😩 I get so protective as well so it comes across worse but if he was doing something terrible I could understand it's petty and it's controlling, I'm not having it

And I see it on posts all the time not just mine there is always one, being low-key awful to a mother who has had to resort coming on a page like this to ask complete strangers for help and advice, it's the kick in the teeth when there already down it baffles me how they do it. 🤦🏽‍♀️

I'm all for a little joke, I'm all for getting a little bit agitated, THAT is taking the f'@&n p**s that is daylight ROBBERY

#kidshaverightstoo

Get him used to change. It's one of the certain things in life Now you're a big boy going to school you have your hair cut like this.Sociak stories etc.

Yeah it's easy to say and plan out in your head but reality is completely different he is petrified of things changing. Change doesn't have to be a part of his life actually

It does. As hard as it is there will always be times when things have to change. Sometimes planned changed, sometimes unplanned changes.

ignoring the haircut attitudes your not helping anyone by trying to make a situation whereby nothing changes. That’s not realistic for life

It's how he likes his hair who the heck is anyone to tell him to change that. I tell you what. Shave yours off cos I don't like it

They're the rules. Having a tramline cut into his hair is not a reasonable adjustment. I'm sure it will grow back fairly quickly

It's also not doing anything or anyone any harm fgs they are picking

You don't need to be so cruel as I've been living around him for 5 years so it's hard for me I am new to autism I've been told by two health care professionals to keep things completely as they are for now and it's in his hcp to avoid changing anything. And your telling me change is needed, I never wanted to let him out my sight as soon as the world gets its claws into our children their magic dies and their light goes out well ket me just tell you I made a promise when I lost him that if he came back to me I would protect him at all costs I wouldn't let him out my sight and he came back. Because he understood. And here I am being forced to send him to school

OP, I completely understand your irritation but from the school's point of view they have standard basic rules around hair, jewelry and uniform to ensure safety, consistency and to reduce bullying.

Your son's hair may only be a dinosaur scratch but the next kid's hair will be a bit more off the wall or involve something offensive or gang-related. I get that your little boy is only four but schools adopt a no tram lines, no colours, keep it tied back rule, from reception to 16, and then no-one feels discriminated against. The kids get used to a rule that applies to everyone and is seen to be fair to all.

Change is one of the few constants in life. Even now he is changing from one nursery to reception. That is a massive change.

the important thing is helping to control things as much as you can and having things in place to help him adapt, a previous poster suggested social stories things like that and other visual aids can be really helpful.

having a “nothing can change ever” attitude won’t help either of you.

The reason that schools have blanket uniform policies is that there is a link with behaviour. Unfortunately parents teaching children that 'rules are made to be broken' feeds into the poor behaviour in schools and means that these stupid rules have to be put in place.

Your child might not be the problem but it has to be one rule for all (with the exception of reasonable adjustments which this is not) otherwise it's very hard to get hundreds of kids to follow all the other rules.

I'd be inclined to just follow the uniform policy?

I think it will be less distressing to you and to him if you just try to follow the policy, whether you agree with it or not.

I do understand that the rules seem harsh but the bottom line is that they are the rules.

I’d be inclined to go along with it too, to avoid the argument, but you could say that his haircut is part of the reasonable adjustment needed to make him feel safe and comfortable, because change has to be introduced gradually.

Whether or not they accept that is up to them.

My son's secondary school doesn't allow tram lines are they can be linked to gangs (obviously not saying this is the case with your son).

If he has an ehcp and you explain the significance to the school, I would hope they would be more sympathetic. But do be aware you may find there is a backlash from other parents who will wonder why there's one rule for your son and not for theirs (bitter voice of experience here)

The uniform policy is clear. You sent him there knowing the uniform policy. So yes they can exclude. And no the EHCP makes no difference.

They have reasons, so it can be consistent- amendment to policy for reasonable adjustments are available for things like clothing, texture etc, but no-one needs a tramline dinosaur scratch and making the change now will be easier than at 11.

Pick your battles with school, there will be bigger issues, like when he refuses to get his hair cut (then it could be a reasonable adjustment)

Schools have rules which are small and easy to follow largely so that there is a reminder there for everyone, students and teachers (and parents) of who is in charge. If the teachers aren't in charge, then no one learns anything.

Everyone needs to learn to follow rules in life. Everyone. If you encourage your child to break school rules then you are encouraging them to disrupt school life for every other student in their class, and for themselves.

The rules are often small because that means that teachers have small psychological levers they can pull to remind pupils of who is in charge. Remember that teacher who wouldn't talk to you about why you got in a fight until you did up your top button? They didn't give a toss about your button. They were just reminding you of who was in charge before starting to discuss the fight.

As a teacher and a parent I cannot express how frustrating it is when selfish and unreasonable parents insist on encouraging their child to ignore the rules. It is literally destroying the home-school covenant and pulling learning environments down into the sewer for everyone. How can teachers possibly succeed with parents undermining them? Could you teach Maths to a group of teenagers whose parents had told them it was okay to ignore them? Or English? Or anything?

Get used to it, or do home schooling. If you really are against all rules, then home school them in whatever you think is important, and leave everyone else to live how they want - following the rules and getting educated.