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Original poster

Super selective grammar school or Winchester College

59 replies

Pomonasky · 07/08/2023 15:33

Hello mum's net,

My DS has just finished year 6 and was offered a place at a very selective London grammar school starting in September. We wanted to keep our options open (I wasn't sure if he would be accepted at the grammar school) so we also applied to some independent schools including boarding schools.

He was offered a place at Winchester College starting in year 9 , the cost is an issue for us so we thought the grammar school would be our best option. Now my parents in law have offered to cover the fees ,if we want DS to go there. His current prep school could keep him until year 8 and prepare him for the Winchester entrance.

Has anyone faced a similar dilemma? I am not 100% convinced about boarding but DS will be almost 14 at the beginning of year 9.

He is our only child and I don't have experience of the high school system in the UK.

OP posts:
TJsAunt · 07/08/2023 16:00

what does your ds want? those are 2 very different options?

Original poster
Pomonasky · 07/08/2023 16:13

He is happy to stay at the prep school with some of his friends so I don't really think he knows what he wants. He was very excited to be offered a place at the grammar school ,I'm not sure an 11 year old can make that decision.

OP posts:
talknomore · 07/08/2023 16:18

Is he going to be a boarder at Winchester?

Original poster
Pomonasky · 07/08/2023 16:19

Yes , the school only offers boarding at year 9.

OP posts:
talknomore · 07/08/2023 16:20

Do you think he will cope/thrive within that environment?
Where is he exceeding now?

Original poster
Pomonasky · 07/08/2023 16:28

He is an academic boy ,the grammar school is very selective. I don't know if he will thrive at a boarding school, it's so difficult to tell.

They are obviously selling the school to us but I'm unsure.

OP posts:
Araminta1003 · 07/08/2023 16:31

Send him to the grammar school for 2 years and see how it goes? You can hang on to the Winchester place until much later - at that point you will know if he is ready and keen to board.

Araminta1003 · 07/08/2023 16:32

And ask the grandparents to ringfence the schooling costs for house deposit/uni fees if he ends up staying at grammar - can be put in a trust. Or he can do private Sixth Form too, as an alternative.

GloomySkies · 07/08/2023 16:41

If you have a place at a super selective nearby, where your son will be surrounded by bright, motivated peers and receive a high quality education, I cannot fathom why you wouldn't use that. The alternative is relying on your inlaws to reliably cough up astronomical amounts of money so that your son can go into a totally alien environment, away from his family and friends, to get a not much better education and to be less well adapted socially at the end of it. (I went to Uni with a number of boys who went to single sex boarding and to a man, they could not speak to a girl, neither had they any concept of taking care of themselves. Laundry, cooking, ironing, totally foreign concepts.)

Araminta1003 · 07/08/2023 16:54

@GloomySkies - my DS is at a superselective London grammar. Plenty of kids there have offers to Eton/Westminster/Winchester etc. - some leave for Year 9, some stay. Some get most of their fees paid by bursaries, others earn themselves, grandparents. It is not that unusual currently. These private schools don’t expect the pupils to formally commit until beginning of Year 8. If at state school there is also no pressure on the final exams they take because they can always stay at state school. Westminster recently did away with a final YR 9 entry exam. I heard on the grapevine though that Dulwich College. on the other hand, is now no longer allowing kids to change schools in Year 7 if they want to do Year 9 entry… I guess they got burnt by this practice - kids chopping and changing between state and private. However, given the astronomical fee increases at private schools over the last 10 years I think they are going to find it increasingly difficult to attract the very brightest kids.

Stipplinglemonade · 07/08/2023 17:26

@Pomonasky My DS was at Winchester, the pastoral care is non existent. He told us that he was enjoying it while he was there but sadly the truth came out after he left. I would urge you to take up the place in September, the London grammar schools are an excellent choice for an academic boy.

The grammar school will be an open environment where boys are treated with equal respect, Winchester is not. Sending DS is my biggest regret.

AgathaSpencerGregson · 07/08/2023 17:29

GloomySkies · 07/08/2023 16:41

If you have a place at a super selective nearby, where your son will be surrounded by bright, motivated peers and receive a high quality education, I cannot fathom why you wouldn't use that. The alternative is relying on your inlaws to reliably cough up astronomical amounts of money so that your son can go into a totally alien environment, away from his family and friends, to get a not much better education and to be less well adapted socially at the end of it. (I went to Uni with a number of boys who went to single sex boarding and to a man, they could not speak to a girl, neither had they any concept of taking care of themselves. Laundry, cooking, ironing, totally foreign concepts.)

Whatever you decide, please don’t let your decision be guided by myths and stereotypes like these. Plenty of young people emerge from single sex boarding schools perfectly able to relate to the opposite sex.
if we’re doing anecdata, personally I find the grammar school types much harder going. But that is me.

Original poster
Pomonasky · 07/08/2023 17:52

Thank you all for responding. His grandparents are happy to set up a fund of him if we decide against Winchester. @GloomySkies you make perfect sense.

Could I message you @Stipplinglemonade ?

OP posts:
Stipplinglemonade · 07/08/2023 18:26

That would be fine @Pomonasky .

PreplexJ · 07/08/2023 21:25

In absolute sense, the academic in London super selective grammar may have an edge vs Winchester. I think it the determination factor is the full broading or day school choice.

Barbadossunset · 08/08/2023 14:22

(I went to Uni with a number of boys who went to single sex boarding and to a man, they could not speak to a girl

Did none of these boys have sisters? You also forgot to mention that they were spoon fed and also kept asking you where you went to school.

Nevermay · 08/08/2023 14:25

GloomySkies · 07/08/2023 16:41

If you have a place at a super selective nearby, where your son will be surrounded by bright, motivated peers and receive a high quality education, I cannot fathom why you wouldn't use that. The alternative is relying on your inlaws to reliably cough up astronomical amounts of money so that your son can go into a totally alien environment, away from his family and friends, to get a not much better education and to be less well adapted socially at the end of it. (I went to Uni with a number of boys who went to single sex boarding and to a man, they could not speak to a girl, neither had they any concept of taking care of themselves. Laundry, cooking, ironing, totally foreign concepts.)

I agree with this - send him to the grammar at least to start with, and it will probably remain the best option all the way t hrough

geoger · 08/08/2023 14:29

Pick the London grammar for now and if your ds changes his mind by year 8 he can then go to Winchester.
Which London grammar do you mean? If it’s QEB then deffo take the place - great school with great students

Haphazard8 · 08/08/2023 14:43

We were is this exact position (Wincol offered a generous bursary too) and decided to turn down the Winchester place.

Ultimately it came down to us not being convinced he would thrive in a full boarding school, he had kept an open mind but said this himself too. We were also not convinced that his prep could adequately meet his academic needs for the next couple of years.

We thought taking up a grammar place to possibly move him after two years would be unsettling for us all, which is why we didn't put down a deposit and keep our options open.

It was a very difficult decision. Winchester obviously offers an education like no other but there are definitely down sides with being surrounded by that level of wealth and privilege and not being surrounded by your family (at least for our child).

Once the decision was made it was like a weight had been lifted, and after doing his settling in day in July he’s super excited about staring at the grammar in September.

Original poster
Pomonasky · 08/08/2023 14:54

@geoger the school is QEB, the level of wealth and privilege does worry me also @Haphazard8. Good luck to your DS in September.

OP posts:
geoger · 08/08/2023 15:07

Deffo take the place at QEB - great school with so many lovely, lovely students.
the boys there come from a variety of backgrounds (some are wealthy some come for very ordinary families

tennissquare · 08/08/2023 15:18

Yes definitely take the QBE place, even if it ends up only being for 2 years the educational experience will be so much more enriching than staying at a prep school and learning the limited curriculum all preps use for years 7-8 use to prepare the ds for CE that doesn't even count in most cases.

Zenith75 · 08/08/2023 15:52

Definitely accept QEB @Pomonasky.Boys from DS's prep went there, it's a great school. DS didn't get a place unfortunately,, he stayed on at the prep. He went to Winchester and I wouldn't choose it again. Lots of very inexperienced teachers and many boys are tutoring from the start. I agree with @Barbadossunset , it was not the right environment for us..DS went to a London day school after GCSES , he had a great experience at 6th form and wishes that he had been there from the start.

I totally agree with @Stipplinglemonade the pastoral care is very poor , the donor families also have to be kept happy at all costs.

Bozzicle · 08/08/2023 15:54

Stipplinglemonade · 07/08/2023 17:26

@Pomonasky My DS was at Winchester, the pastoral care is non existent. He told us that he was enjoying it while he was there but sadly the truth came out after he left. I would urge you to take up the place in September, the London grammar schools are an excellent choice for an academic boy.

The grammar school will be an open environment where boys are treated with equal respect, Winchester is not. Sending DS is my biggest regret.

I'm sad to see that this is still the case 30 years after that place chewed up and spat out my brother.

Stipplinglemonade · 08/08/2023 16:17

I’m so sorry to hear this @Bozzicle , my lovely DS told me once how they are told over and over just how lucky they are to be there. I won’t use the words he used to describe the place but I will regret sending him for the rest of my life.

DS is still young and at university now ,he says that he has left that place behind but I don’t think it’s ever the case. Best wishes to your brother and parents, it’s a very lonely position to be in as a family. x

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