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Encouraging children of different abilities

4 replies

elliejjtiny · 12/07/2023 17:08

I think this is more my issue at the moment as the dc aren't bothered. But I feel so bad for 10 year old dc4 who has worked incredibly hard to finally achieve "age related expectations" (not that children less able than him don't work hard) in reading and maths. My eldest is very academically able and got mostly 6-8's and 2 9's in his GCSE results last year. All of my dc love maths. Dc1 got an 8, dc2 is predicted a 9. Dc4 works just as hard but will be doing very well if he gets a 3. He has moderate learning disability and still struggles with capital letters/full stops. My nieces who are younger have started pointing out that they are more clever than him which obviously I nip anything like that in the bud. I keep thinking there is more that I could do though. I always make a big deal about trying your best is the most important thing and tell him I'm proud of him every day. He was self conscious about wearing nappies so I showed him the adult nappies in boots etc and told him lots of grown ups wear nappies, they just don't talk about it. Am I doing enough? He has achieved so much more than I ever thought he would but so many younger children keep over taking him academically. I love how sensible he is though, especially with relationships. A lot of children his age seem to be quite silly, talking about boyfriends and girlfriends and listing their "ex's" etc. Dc4 has a friend who he is very close to but they both say they are too young to be boyfriend/girlfriend. They are "best friends who give each other valentines cards" apparently which I think is very mature and lovely decision from both of them. Dc4 doesn't know what level he is in relation to the average etc at the moment but sooner or later the children in his class will start comparing notes on test results and he will realise that he is behind in lots of subjects. He has been playing the piano since he was 6 and he plays really well but his younger brother has nearly overtaken him and he isn't anywhere near as advanced as his older brothers were at that age. Sorry for the waffle, I'm just having one of those days. He knows he is good at other things like helping but I still worry sometimes.

OP posts:
TeenDivided · 12/07/2023 19:38

It's hard.
I praise effort.
I say different people have different strengths and then praise something DD is good at, though after a bit praising kindness or being good with animals starts to not cut it.
I didn't show reports until GCSE age 14 or so.
I didn't tell DD her SATs results, just said she had done well and we were proud. She never asked for her scores.

I did sadly find that by y3 some other kids were perfectly happy to let DD know all the things she wasn't so good at ...

TeenDivided · 12/07/2023 19:40

Try to find a non competitive interest that the siblings dont share. DD did wildlife rangers with the local wildlife trust.

Lefteyetwitch · 12/07/2023 19:41

I've got 3 DC DC2 is 7 and clearly extremely dyslexic. If it wasn't bad enough her older DB sails through work, not at an amazing rate just average for his age.
Her DS age 3 is now catching up to her ability.

Me and the school are focusing on her happiness. Keeping her motivated and focusing on her positives etc.

But let's be realistic this is all going to be shit very very soon and there's nothing I can do to fix it.

HalfSiblingsMadeContact · 12/07/2023 23:12

Support each child in doing their best, celebrate their achievements genuinely and mean it. I agree that it is very helpful to encourage interests that can be meaningfully shared, and others that are separate. But do be careful not to label them by their strengths to the extent of allowing them to neglect their weaknesses.

DH was the academic one in his family, BIL was I believe dyslexic or similar. BIL is great at both practical stuff and sports and was encouraged hugely (and appropriately). DH was allowed to disengage from practical stuff / got away with reading a book - but actually could have done with a bit of a push to gain more practical skills!

Occasionally you may be able to allow the less academic child to learn about / master something that their siblings don't know, and give them the chance to share it with the others.

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