Just to start off that obviously private schools are very diverse in their outlooks and they may have been very beneficial for your DC if they go to one. This is just from my experience.
I’ve been at a private girls school in the SE for secondary & sixth form. It’s not what you would call an ‘exams factory’ , but it gets very good GCSE and A level grades nonetheless.
I loved the secondary school and at the time it allowed me to be myself without the pressures of having to conform to what was ‘normal’. I flourished academically and had a great group of friends.
The sixth form on the other hand, has been one of the most anxiety-ridden times of my life. My school, as well as other private schools in the area, put a lot of pressure on us to attend events and activities etc. that would give us less time to do homework and extra reading etc. I wanted to be Head Girl (which I got) so I felt pressured to help out at these events to get a good reputation amongst the teachers. On top of that, I applied (unsuccessfully) to Oxford, so my teachers were giving me pile after pile of books and dvds ‘to mention in my interview’ and would schedule extra lessons after the school day so I could give them an in-depth analysis of them. Having to do all this work, plus the extra school commitments, meant that most nights I would be working flat out until 1/2am, and it wasn’t rare for me to work until 4. This sleep deprivation caused a flare up of my anxiety and I would have panic attacks most days before going into lessons visibly shaken up, where the teachers didn’t seem to care and got annoyed at me for not concentrating.
I realise this pressure surrounding Oxbridge applications is common no matter the school, but imo private schools, especially smaller ones, feel they have to work their students harder to produce good A levels as that’s the only way they can attract students, especially in the COL crisis, unlike the state sector as they can rely more on students from their catchment.
On top of that, it wasn’t rare in our school to skip meals just to get work done, even among the hardworking groups as we just had too much to do. Disordered eating was therefore rampant.
the teachers would make us feel ashamed for asking them for less work/ extensions as we simply couldn’t complete all of it by calling us ‘selfish’ as we’d had this ‘amazing opportunity’ the vast majority of students in the country didn’t get to have.
The pressure to succeed from parents is also immense, regardless of if they have directly pressured us or not. During A level study leave, some of my friends didn’t eat as they didn’t want to leave their rooms and then feel guilty for not revising. There’s so much financial pressure as parents have made massive sacrifices, so we have to work hard and get good grades to make it worthwhile.
Additionally, our head forced me and a lot of other girls to quit our part-time jobs and extracurriculars to focus on our a levels, meaning more financial guilt as our parents then gave us money for things we used to be able to afford on our own.
On the social side, meals/drinks out tended to happen often and at very expensive places as money is no object for many (often international) students. These students made up a considerable proportion of my year group, so the consensus was that if you wanted to meet up with friends, it would likely be at one of these places. They were lovely people, just not at all in touch with reality (and hated it when I and some other uk girls took them to spoons).
Sorry for the long post. I just can’t wait to leave. A week to go.