Pronouns and why they do/don't matter

[QuitChewingMyPlectrum]

Has anyone got any good reading material on this. I'm feeling a little behind on the main issues surrounding this.
I think I'm a bit simplistic, if someone asks me my pronouns I will tell them, if they don't then I won't. If someone tells me their pronouns I will use them, if they don't then I will tend to avoid using anything other than you or their name.
I feel like I'm missing the wider picture but I don't want to just believe one side of the argument for/against without understanding in full.

How do you know what your pronouns are ?

If you use sex based pronouns are you happy that the person asking does not mean what is your sex ?

but is instead asking what is your identity/ are you comfortable with your sexed body /do you expect people to treat to according to their assumptions about your gender ?

That last point - do you have anything about yourself that you have in common with all women apart from biology ? How do you think "women" and "men" should be treated differently apart from respect for different biology ?

Given this is in education

Girls when reminded of their sex perform less well than when they are not differentiated from the boys - given that do you think it wise to reinforce messages about gender to children

Debate in this topic https://talk.tv/news/12128/no-im-not-going-to-tell-you-my-preferred-pronouns

You might find the feminist boards helpful for why some people don't want to use or offer pronouns.
Basically, it's a bit like having to state what religion you are when you don't believe in God.
Pronouns come from a place where you can be any identity you choose and pick a pronoun that fits. All well and good. Except when you insist other people use them, or face negative consequences - then it's looking a lot like coerced speech
Preferred pronouns can also be the thin end of the wedge in terms of affirmation. Whilst many current policies and guidance support this as a good approach, it's not unanimously agreed - experts in pediatric care especially have flagged it up as not a neutral approach. Whilst validation may be appealing and reassuring in the short term, not all identities persist and it can be harder for a person to revert if their identity has become entrenched - especially by peers and society.
Personally I don't have or use preferred pronouns but would respect someone asking me to use theirs.