Wonder if this is common/normal?

[CutiePatooties]

DD’s (6 years old) teacher came to me after school today and said DD pulled up a girl’s skirt and was told she shouldn’t do that. Later, she then asked to see the girl’s ‘bum bum’ (meaning ‘front bum’ as we call it at home - the female privates).

teacher said she has to pass this to SLT as she’s never had to deal with this before so doesn’t know how to handle it (been a year 1 teacher for 2 years). Got back to me and mentioned the deputy head has got involved and pastoral lead will come to have a 1:1 session with DD.

I asked DD why she did what she did and she said, ‘I wanted to see if her bum was like mine.’ Then I told her that we shouldn’t show our bits to anyone and also shouldn’t ask to see other’s bits. Let her know that these are private and we all need to keep them to ourselves. That if she wanted to know anything, she can come and ask me. That unleashed loads of questions!
’are all my friends’ bums the same?’ ‘Is your bum like mine?’ ‘Do old people have the same bum?’ ‘Why can’t we see each other’s bums’ etc she had so many questions about fannies and I didn’t know how to answer them all! 😂

is this normal for a 6 year old? As the fact her teacher has never dealt with this before, suggests otherwise.

I think it’s totally normal for a 6 year old to ask questions about her body and be curious about other people’s bodies. It’s a natural part of growing up. What is a bit worrying is her not respecting other children’s personal space and this needs to be nipped in the bud. My own DD has been on the other end of this type of behaviour, when she was 6 a boy would not stop touching her hair. Then she got spied on in changing rooms when changing for PE. She found it severely traumatic and had counselling. I don’t think the kids involved were trying to be mean or upsetting but they were. It needs handling.

@pollykitty thank you so much for your input. I’m going to let the school know the conversation I’ve had with her tonight and they will also have their pastoral lead come and speak to DD as well. I know the school are doing lessons on RSE next term and will cover respecting each other’s privacy etc.

I did make her very aware that this behaviour isn’t acceptable and that if she has any questions or wants to know more about bodies in future, she should ask me or dad. I did take away her tablet, computer and tv tonight as well, as I told her she needs to know this isn’t acceptable behaviour. I know people will come on here and say I shouldn’t have sanctions at home etc but in my mind she has to know being curious is ok (come and ask me questions and we can talk) but lifting up someone’s skirt and asking to see her privates isn’t ok (a ban from electronics for one night).

not sure what else I can do?

Not sure a punishment is warranted- she doesn’t understand personal boundaries, and ultimately that is on you not her. Ido understand the urge to ‘do something’ and ‘send a message’ but it is fundamentally unfair to punish a child for crossing a line they didn’t know existed. There are loads of more positive ways to teach boundaries proactively. I have two 6 year olds and we talk about this stuff all the time - they are endlessly fascinated by bodies, especially the bits not normally on display. We also talk more generally about touching, respecting a ‘no’ from someone else, and scripts for communicating their own discomfort. It isn’t a heavy discussion - mostly it is role modelling (things like asking for hugs, making sure your child knows to say something if they don’t want to be picked up, touched, etc.) and practice scripting (he said what? What did you do then? If it were me, I would have said…) and just generally talking repeatedly about social norms. Lots of little conversations over years, not one big intervention.

school tends to be a bit of a catalyst for some of this. Kids tend to egg each other on, and I think on some level there is a bit of a feedback loop among some children around potty humour that can quickly lead to crossed boundaries. Mine come home weekly with some new way to offend and tales of questionable behaviour from schoolmates. We discuss in a nonjudgmental way and have an evolving set of rules around this (when can we talk about farts? Not at the dinner table).