How do you discuss their school report with your children?

[Gameboy]

We've just had DS1's (8) half term report. It's a fairly weighty document with a paragraph per subject and an overview from his class teacher and the Head.

It's mostly very good in that he is achieving or overachieving all the targets, but their are some common strands which need addressing:

• 'let's himself down by silly behaviour, which can distract others'
• needs to listen to, rather than anticipate, instructions
• needs to focus

I feel a bit sad, as I get the impression his class teacher has grudgingly had to give him high marks, as he has achieved them, but actually doesn't like him that much? Perhaps he is a bit challenging for her?

How do you go about discussing your children's school reports and talking about things they need to improve?
Do you agree incentives with them, or what?

Those are quite constructive comments. It sounds as if your DS1 needs to concentrate on the behaviours expected of him at school (which are, of course, different to the behaviours expected of him at home). Nothing instrinsically critical of him or you - quite normal adaptation to environment stuff.

Well done your DS if he has high marks .

Find out how things are from your son's point of view. How does he see these situations?

Try to remember that your expectations of DS' behaviour will have conditioned him as well. You need to take a step back and not take as some kind of personal criticism ("doesn't like him that much") of him (or you) when DS' behaviour doesn't meet school's expectations.

School will have expectations of behaviour. Other activities will do. Work will in later life. We all have to learn adapt to those. One set of behaviours doesn't work in all circumstances.

You did very well, I'm very proud of you, your teacher would like you to stop being so silly though and listen to her .. how do you think you could do that?

remembering he's 8 of course

Gameboy he's 8 not the best age for sitting still and not distracting others.

Sounds like a good report.

I always read through the report then talk to my children and say things like "Oh well done. I see you're doing really well in X. Not so good in Y. Any reason? Is there something we can do to sort/help it? Ah yes... the genetic talkativity. Perhaps it might be best to save those conversations for outside the classroom"

Those comments seem fairly standard as far as I can see.

I would start by talking to the teacher and getting the specifics, and finding out whether its a serious problem or minor niggles. And you might get a better picture of whether your inkling is right.

I think you could do that feedback interview thing (I'm thinking of work) when you give 10 pieces of praise for one piece of criticism.

Obviously, you also do that work thing of calling criticism "areas for improvement" .

At 8 years old, the comments I would have thought would be fairly usual, especially for boys! I would not take much notice of that and feel overall he has done very well.

Is this his first such report? Do you have an earlier one to compare it to?

I find it useful to look at areas of improvement rather than just for good marks. Then you can point out "Oh look you're doing much better in Maths. Isn't that great? You must have been working harder." Also, "Oh your mark in English has gone down a little. Why do you think that is?"

I really praise up the good stuff and just query the less good stuff, unless it's outstandingly bad!

The comments about your ds sound fine and not untypical of a boy his age. Perhaps you could use the comments as an incentive, such as "Let's see if we can get rid of these comments in your next report. Do you think you can do that." And offer some reward to aim for. If you feel strongly enough about it, that is. As I said, I don't think the comments are particularly bad.

I have always let mine read their reports and then talk me through it. I think it's really important not to take the comments personally - easier said than done, I know! Teachers are far more clear sighted about our dcs than we are. I think the remarks your ds's teacher made are ok and pretty much standard for 8 year old boys!

I read their reports and then ask them what they 'think'the report might say...we discuss their thoghts on different teachers and different subjects and how they think its going then they read it and we think of how to go forward from there usually its been v good but on one occasion it appeared the teacher and my ds just werent getting on and after a short meet with the teacher the subject settled

ds1 discusses it with me. Its his education and he has full control of it.

Thanks for these, of course you're all so right & sensible!

It's hard not to have an immediate reaction to anything that suggests your darling offspring is anything less than perfect, isn't it?!

On balance I think it is a very good report, and I'm probably focusing on the areas for development too much. I don't really have much to compare it too, as it's the first report of it's kind from his new school (joined in Sept last year).
Focus, attention, distraction have been common themes throughout his school life however, and that's one of the reasons we moved him to this particular school - smaller classes, hopefully more ability-matched work etc.

I need to find a way of helping him to recognise and remember that he needs to stop messing about in class though, at the time when it happens. Or do they just grow out of this?

Oh, Gameboy, please don't take comments like that to mean that the teacher doesn't like your ds! I am a secondary school teacher and frequently need to write comments like that in reports despite generally having a huge fondness for my charges! The best thing you can do for your ds (and his school) is not let him brush constructive criticism off as 'Oh well, the teacher doesn't like me' since that gives him no impetus to address his own behaviour. (And since I'm still writing those comments for my Yr 10s, no they don't grow out of it...sorry!)

I would echo what slayerette says. We have to highlight areas for improvement, otherwise the repost writing becomes a nice thing to do (It is nice to write positive things about the kids) but it isn't going to help them to improve their attainment unless we write constructive criticism.

My dd gets lots of ositive things in her report but she does talk too much. If she talked less, and listened a little more she would do even better!

Sometimes points in the report are points for parents rather than kids to work on. Eg boys might be finding it harder to concentrate if they are not getting lots of exercise, good regular sleep and a good diet, not lots of TV before bedtime etc. Not assuming any of these are necessarily issues in your house, Gameboy!

Thanks again for responses - especially from the teachers - it's helpful to see the other side!
I wouldn't dream of suggesting that his teacher doesn't like him to DS, and you're probably right, I'm probably imagining it!

Good points about the exercise/ food/ sleep etc. I think we are pretty sensible about most of those, although he's not naturally sporty, so he's not out playing footie every night for example.

I think he's still on a bit of a learning curve, in that Year 3 is much more 'serious' than infants!

But how DO you get an 8-year-old boy to focus more?

The time frame that he should 'focus' for has to be realistic!

So there is no way that he can focus for a whole lesson, that would be totaly unrealistic for any boy (just about,) let alone one of 8!

So, he needs to focus for the first 5 minutes of the lesson, when the teacher is telling them what they are about to do. And if that is too much, make it 3 minutes.

Agree the amount with the teacher and agree the sucess criteria, ie your ds can do a whole day without asking 'What do I do miss', or a whole lesson.

Wow! I would love a report like that. The last one Ds (year 7) had at Christmas was a string of letters and numbers and nothing to identify my child! No comment from teacher, HOY or the head!

Starmummy - we get the letters and numbers ones at the end of each term too - but at half year and end of year we get the written one too.

To be honest I still find the written one a bit pointless, as it is essentially a 'cut and paste' of all the key stage targets for the age group. So,
X can do addition, subtraction, multiplication and division for up to 3 digit numbers ....

Has learnt to use adjectives well..

Can complete a pie and bar chart

etc etc

It always feels a bit distant - what I really want to know is where he is in the class, what he's really good at, what he's struggling at. It all just seems a bit 'tick box-like' at the mo...

I suppose we'll have a parents evening next term to discuss the reports, so that's the chance to have that chat.

Those kind of reports are useless, aren't they, Gameboy? I always try to show parents in what I say that I know their child and that I'm not just producing some generic assessment of every child but I know teachers who did use a 'statement bank'- until our school banned it outright!

Starmummy - the effort/attainment reports are fairly standard practice. In our school, each student gets one of those every half term plus two written reports and a parents' evening across the year, so you should get plenty of feedback as the year progresses.