Montessori school for a boisterous 3 year old..... Yes or no?

[Passthewine45]

We live overseas, DS is 2.5 and currently goes to nursery 5 mornings a week. We've been offered a place at a Montessori school from October and I was totally set on sending him there but now unsure. It took him 17 months to settle into his current nursery (cried at every drop off). Now he loves it. We couldn't get him into the public nursery so pay a fortune for the current one. Montessori will be £400 a month cheaper. Its in a beautiful big converted house, lots of light, lots of resources. Huge garden, trampoline, chickens, vegetable patch, climbing frame. Really great sense of community, I loved it when I went. Downsides are current nursery is 5 min walk, this one will be 15/20 min drive. DS is very active, needs to get his energy out, running etc otherwise he has a meltdown. Current nursery let the kids run around, shout, dance, move, daily trips to the park. Montessori has a big garden and I think they have an hours break outside - he would attend 4 days a week (no school on Wednesdays) initially 8/8.30 until 1.30pm with the option to extend to 3.30pm when he's settled. He is very fussy with food, rarely eats at nursery. I've had problems with him hitting, throwing, pulling my hair, biting all directed at me but he's not like this at nursery. They also said he has to be potty trained by the time he starts (he will be almost 3) which I think is ok. My question is has anyone had a bad experience with sending their kids to a montessori.

Not sure why it matters if others have had good or bad experiences at montessori schools. It won't dictate how your child would experience his time there if indeed he does go.

You know him best. Do you think he would take a long time to settle in the new place? If he is happy where he is what are the potential benefits of moving him in your opinion?

Montessori can just be a name/aesthetic rather than meaning that they follow the philosophy of Maria Montessori.

Have you talked to them about how they would approach challenging behaviour and are you happy with the response? If they can accommodate his movement needs then it might actually be a really positive thing for him. OTOH if they are likely to throw him out because he doesn't fit their "look" that could end up really unsettling for him and he might be better off in something where they will accept him from the start.

I know that my DC go to a nursery where the focus is quite montessori style and sometimes I think DS2 in particular could do with a bit more of a direct and clear approach to behaviour - they are very nice, and sit down and have a chat but sometimes it's really not even clear to him if he's done something he's not supposed to do. Also, the mixed age concept in their current nursery turns out to be a massive pain for hygeine as the slightest virus just runs rampant through every single child and they are constantly ill. I feel I can't look for work at the moment because I'm always having to be home with one or the other of them, which rather defeats the point of paying for nursery!

We are looking at moving them to the smaller, more traditional, religious nursery near our house that doesn't have as many fancy features and policies but hopefully offers warmth and stability instead.

@Thescriptures i just wondered if anyone with a boisterous child had any experience to share how their child found the montessori setting. Although I guess it doesn't help much as each child is different and so is each montessori. I'm worried about him taking a while to settle in but he's changing so much at the moment, he might be completely different in 6 months time.
Main benefits for moving-
-Current nursery is increasing the fees from August so 5 mornings will cost £2200 pcm vs £1500-1800 pcm.
-I think in current nursery he struggled with the high turnover of staff/kids - didn't cope well with change. Montessori makes you commit for 3 years so he would attend age 3-6 - so more stability.
-he would be in a mixed age class ages 3 to 6. His seems to prefer older kids, best mate at nursery is one year older, and seems to have helped to him with his beahviour/potty training etc. Current nursery class is mixed ages 2 to 4.5.
-not sure what DS gets out of being at nursery until he's almost 5 (because of the way his birthday falls). School here starts at 4. So I could leave him where he is for 2 more years. Initially when I went to look at the montessori it was back in Nov when he wasn't settled at current nursery so I was of the mindset well if he hates it 15 months later then I should change.
-we haven't figured out if we are staying in current country so preference is to keep him somewhere bilingual to keep out options open whilst we work out if we can stay long term. Then when he's 6 can decide if we are comfortable sending him to local school or private etc.
-current nursery is lovely, small classroom but they go out every day. But the activities are repetitive, same thing every day, I wonder if he will get bored if he stays. Or bored of being with younger kids. I don't know, maybe I'm overthinking it.
-one of the women that work at nursery has her kids in a different montessori and she's taking them out to put into mainstream school in Sept because they don't like it. So that might be throwing me off. I've spoken to a parent who's girls go to the montessori and she's on the parents board and loves it.

@BertieBotts yes I did ask them are their some kids that just dont fit in or settle and how do you deal with that and they answered all of those questions, it all made alot of sense.
I did go and observe at a different montessori a few months ago and I didn't like that one. It was so quiet. One kid literally spent an hour and a half staring at a conker. I think because my son has changed so much in the last 4 weeks, I just can't tell whether he's going to be able to adapt and go from a noisy, energetic, chaotic setting to a quiet, calm one. His current nursery class is mainly boys, only 3 girls. They do a lot of singing, park walks, playing outside, they have indoor climbing frames, football. I think that's why I can't envisage it.

Honestly ignoring everything else I would not send him to the Montessori simply for the fact he would only be outside for 1 hour a day. That's no time at all! A child who is not yet 3 who enjoys running around and being outside should be encouraged to do so as much as possible not given a set period of time and then made to come inside, of nothing else does this will likely massively escalate any challenging behaviour he's exhibiting.

On that I think it sounds like a good move! I would say could you not go back for a visit to montessori but take your child with you. I think that will make it clearer in your mind whether it is the right thing to do. Best of luck

Obviously I don't know your child but just my opinion happiness counts for a lot and unless you can see some huge advantages to moving him id leave him where he is happy and settled.

One hour a day outside would be a huge no from me for any child that age.

Anyone can set themselves up as a nursery and say they are ‘Montessori’-the name means very little. Go and visit THIS nursery and see if you think it’s a good fit for your child. It might be nothing like the next ‘Montessori’ school.

Make sure that the nursery is a fully accredited Montessori setting. So many set up in name only. I'm a Montessori early years practitioner and we cater for all the children's needs. Many of our more boisterous children really settle down in our care and find the strong routine comforting. That being said, we have a free flow set up for outside, so they can go out at will. Part of Montessori's ethos is allowing the child to experience making their own decisions, within reason and the choice to go out is entirely theirs. Also don't underestimate a young child's need to repetitively do the same activity, I'd advise you to research schemas. A true Montessori setting will have experienced staff who are able to identify the child's need and when they are ready to be introduced to the next stage, as well as enabling their current interests incorporated into their play through their environment. Most Montessori settings will be quieter than your average nursery, because we allow the children to fully explore their interests with minimal interruption and encourage them to respect other's "work". If you see children using large mats on the floor and smaller ones on tables, this is their workspace, which belongs to them until they invite others to join. In the toddler rooms this will only just be being introduced and not being used functionally for the most part, but by the pre school room, they will be a dab hand at reminding each other to "get a mat". My best advise is to do your own research, read Montessori's books, then visit some settings to see how they align to what you've liked about her methodology.

I have been to visit it 3 times, once by myself, once for a parents evening intro to montessori and once with DH and DS. It was in January, we have been on the waiting list since then.
I had a really good feeling about it back then but like I said it was a few months ago and my son has changed alot since then.
From the schedule it looks like they spend 3 hours inside doing "activities" and then lunch break followed by 1 hour outside. I hadn't given the outdoors bit much thought - what's normal for a nursery/pre school at that age? I know they have a minibus to take them on school trips/outings. I think at the current nursery they are out each day (weather permitting) walk to the park, playing on small terrace.

I don't know what's normal but I'm my experience good practice is having the option to free flow between the indoors and into an outside space allowing the children autonomy and not setting unnecessary limits. If your child enjoys playing outside I would think 1 hour outside and 3 hours where he has to be indoors would be a challenge.

@ImInACage thanks that was really insightful. They don't seem to separate the 3 to 6 year olds, they're altogether in an open plan space - 3 big interconnected rooms. The day is set up - 3 hours activities followed by lunch then 1 hour outdoors. Then home time or another 2 hours in the classroom.
DS is in the trajectory schema (always has been) and transporting/positioning schema - probably why he loves nursery because he plays with cars all day. Which is why I worry about montessori not having any cars/toys to play with.
I did visit 3 times but they arrange the visits when the kids aren't there so I couldn't see them and how they behave in the classroom. I have observed in a different montessori but it was a totally different montessori setting.
As I'm overseas how can I find out if its a fully accredited montessori?

Valid point @MuffinToSeeHere we do find he needs to run around/let of steam in the mornings.

I wouldn't send a three year old anywhere where they only get an hour of outside time a day.

It's also doesn't really follow the Montessori method which is based around building on children's natural interests/letting them lead the way.

He sounds like he'd be better suited to a forest school or nursery with forest school time. Or leave him where he is if he's happy, that's surely the most important thing?

Our DC attended a Montessori nursery in the US while we were over there. They told us that he should be potty trained, he’d just turned 3 and was a bit unreliable and was certainly not alone in that. It was a great nursery for learning and nurturing and helped with motor skills. They did have to work in groups and listen to stories on mats but that was all well managed. The only downside was naptime, which he didn’t really need and it messed up bedtime even beyond the jet lag timescale

The I honestly wouldn't move him at all. He's not going to settle somewhere that doesn't meet his needs and tone honest it's not every child centred practice to have so much restriction on when they can access the outdoors.

I obviously can't speak of this particular nursery, but we absolutely have cars. Observing and enabling the schemas is a vital part of early years, Montessori or not and I'd be wary of a strict setting that doesn't allow for this. At the end of the day, you have to be completely comfortable with where you send your child, they will be looking after the one person who is most precious to you. When you find the right nursery, you will know, you get a gut feeling. It was how I found my way into my nursery. I went to visit when my eldest was a baby and fell in love with the place, it's ethos and the staff. Oh, actually, low staff turnover is always a good measure of a good nursery. They tend to keep staff for a long time as no one wants to leave.

For accreditation, look at the International Montessori
Council and The Montessori Group.

my two boisterous children went to a Montessori nursery. The older was very physical, and also as it turns out very anxious / overwhelmed by noise, not that I would have guessed it when she was a strong willed baby. She responded really well to the calm, predictable routines and loved being in mixed age groups.

My v high energy youngest I think would have been ok anywhere but again responded really well to the calm structure.

for both I worried about a comparative lack of outdoor space/time but the nursery was great at putting equipment and activities outside as much as possible. Lots of balancing / trikes / water play / gardening etc. The children went out at least twice a day not just once, though.

Honestly, I wouldn’t choose Montessori for the kind of child you describe. I have two children, the older one went to montesssori from 3-4 so I’m familiar with the methods. The one we went to was a very highly respected, fully accredited Montessori, so it was pretty purist in its approach.

if I’m honest, it was absolutely not the right setting for my child. It was very rigid and restrictive (the materials can only be used in very specific ways), and also rather overwhelming in different ways as he was not as compliant or understanding of the expectations on him as the other kids were. So he always felt out of synch there and was really quite unhappy. When he went to a regular school for reception he was suddenly so much happier.

for our younger child- who is very similar to your son by your description- absolutely loves cars, very boisterous, loads of energy- we went to have another observation at the same montessori just to be sure. We sat for about half an hour and if I’m honest the whole thing made my heart sink. There was s little boy who was clearly bored out of his mind, and wanted to run around and explore, and the adults kept on coming back to him in a kind of weirdly expressionless way and reminding him to carry on with his work. He just seemed so lost and sad by the end of it all. I’m quite aware of the methodology behind all this - but my mum instinct said ‘absolutely not.’ And I’m still glad of my decision.

It actually turns out that both my boys (and probably myself!) are autistic (never had any issues with language, but lots of sensory, repetitive behaviours, other sensitivities) and my youngest autistic plus ADHD. And while some say that Montessori suits neurodivergent kids, I’m not entirely sure that’s the case. It takes a vast amount of executive function skills to be able to engage with the materials in the way they are ‘meant’ to be engaged with, and they have to graduate from one activity to another. So in a sense that meant my son was stuck doing the same kinds of activities repeatedly for ages. Which is a shame as he’s incredibly bright and a bit of a genius at maths in particular it turns out.

So for me it would be a no. But I’m sure that many others have different experiences!

I wouldn’t choose any setting that was 20 minutes drive away and restricted their outdoor time to an hour a day, neither of those things fits with our family’s priorities.

From what you’re saying it sounds more like a school environment with formal learning etc. the distance would bother me as would the 1 hour outdoor time. My 4yo probably spends the majority of her time outside at the moment at nursery. My child in Infants school spends more than an hour outside.