Moving home and keeping children at current schools

[NeverMindThatPie]

Please help me reconcile this, I feel like I am getting unwell with worry.

Our set up is me, 12yo son, 8yo son (with suspected ASD) and our beautiful dog. I mainly WFH for an org based in Edinburgh, I work 30 hpw and just got promoted in February. We have lived in a 3 bedroom semi which I have rented for over 8 years in a small village outside Edinburgh. The landlord has discussed selling and changed her mind about when a few times.

My grandmother has had to move and has given us her 3 bed flat in Edinburgh Southside. It took me 6 months to decide to take it because I don't want to move and leave our easy set up living right next to the school and our gardens and being out in the country. But we need a secure home and rental properties in Scotland (and I'm sure elsewhere) are so squeezed and we are priced out of anything similar.

I told my children yesterday about the move and they are distraught.

I had spoken to the HS and primary and both agreed fine to keep boys where they are. 8yo has a lot of input, play therapy, time out of classroom. He's been expelled for 3 days before but the school know him well and I work very hard with them to keep things going. He has very low confidence and operates in constant fight or flight. 12 yo also has low confidence.

Anyway, it will be a 30 minute commute to the schools, 30 minutes home again, then log into work, then log off again to do it all again. Eldest has football which is again based on the school campus, so twice a week it means going back again for that.

I know its best to keep them at their schools for various reasons. I really feel like a monumental failure.

That's hard.
But you doing 2hrs driving a day for 4? years+ seems a lot.

I'm currently dropping my DD at college 4 days a week, with DH collecting, an hour round trip. It's exhausting (though I'm probably older than you).

When you say 'given' do you mean given or do you mean 'allowing us to stay there'? (Just checking no chance of selling it and buying back near the village).

Move the football to a different team nearer by.

We're being allowed to stay there, with me getting some money on her death/sale. Grandmother did offer me some money and sell flat, which I what I preferred, it was a sizeable amount, but I couldn't get a good mortgage with it, nothing close to what we have now, and not in the same area. So I panicked, and I haven't stopped panicking and said we'd take the flat.

It is a long journey, and then there's if they want to see friends etc. I wouldn't mind so much if I didn't work, but I have to do that !

I'm also wondering how practical it will be in winter? I'm at the opposite end of the country (soft Southerner) and was twitchy yesterday when it was snowing whether we'd be able to get DD home OK.

Just wondering if you WFH could you find somewhere closer to the school to work remotely? Obviously depends on the nature of your job, with some it wouldn't work but I have a number of friends in administrative roles that work from cafes or remote working stations. That would reduce your commuting time at least! X

Can you take the flat for now and keep looking for something else to rent nearer the school? Maybe you don't have to do it for years, but just a few months.

It's a bit annoying but is it much different to doing a work commute. You're lucky you don't have to do one.

Can you rent the flat out and stay where you are? Or I would do it for a few years til 8 yo hits secondary

I couldn't work remotely as I have a lot of meetings and confidential work. I do also have to be in the office 1 day a week at least, at times more.

I just can't see how this is going to work without me having a break down and the boys being depressed.

Its a great flat, in a good location, but I wish grandmother would call right now and tell me she's selling.

Do you have the sort of relationship where you can talk openly to your Grandmother about this? She clearly thinks she is doing you a favour by offering for you to stay there and she might not realise that it's actually not practical.

Could you not let your grandmother's flat and stay where you are for now? In a few years your kids will probably want to live in the city anyway. Then you could move.

I’d move schools for the 12 year old and keep 8 year old where he is. He’ll appreciate being in the city soon.
them you’ve only got a couple of years of to and froing and you haven’t got to go back for football pick up.

my daughter’s school is around 30 minutes away, it’s annoying, but okay.