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Original poster

Cross with nursery - one twin chosen to be Mary ..........

21 replies

sandyballs · 06/12/2004 10:30

......... the other upset because she is only an angel. I'm surprised at the nursery for doing this - i would have thought they would give them a similar part in the play, or am I being silly?
DH thinks I am!

OP posts:
cranberryjampot · 06/12/2004 10:32

i can understand as a parent where you are coming from but as a twin, they need their own identities. Please just be glad that one of them is Mary and dont make her feel bad about it Smile

marialuisa · 06/12/2004 10:33

Weirdly enough this has happened at my DD's school. In our case it was because names come out of a hat.

Tessiebear · 06/12/2004 10:33

I would think that it is nice that they treat your twins as "individuals" and dont feel like they have to treat them the same ... i would be more than happy with this - and whats wrong with being an Angel - i would have thought that was a good part.

NomDePlume · 06/12/2004 10:35

I agree with Jampot on this one. But I can see why you would feel a bit 'off' about it. I think I'd make it clear that the angels are just as important as Mary in the nativity.

Berchta · 06/12/2004 10:48

maybe you could explain to nursey that the angel twin is a bit upset and could she have a special bit - like passing jesus to mary or leading the other angels in a song or guiding the other angels from one side of the stage area to another, or maybe she could be nominated to lead the animals or nominated to make sure the other angels wings are all straight before they go out in front of the parents. explain tot he staff that you know they are very busy but if she could be made to feel a little bit special in anyway you would appreciate it

EniDeepMidwinter · 06/12/2004 11:00

you know your dds better than anyone sandyballs but personally I think its no bad thing to give them seperate identities. Can you give the Angel an extra special sparkly dress and 'big up' the angel part? Although if they know you feel cross about it it will be hard to sound as though you do feel it is a good part Sad

DoesntChristmasDragOn · 06/12/2004 11:13

There are no similar parts to Mary - should the Mary twin have been denied her chance at stardom? Wink

lockets · 06/12/2004 22:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PaRumPumPumScum · 07/12/2004 03:59

Hi sb- I have twins and can guess how you feel a bit, I think. V hard when it feels like one is getting more attention/strokes/acknowledgement than the other, isn't it? Mine are quite different characters and tend to appeal to different people, which I find hard as my maternal instincts kick in for whichever boy I perceive as "left out" at the time.

However, I do have to agree with the majority of views here that it's REALLY important for both your girls that you acknowledge their individuality and don't expect them to do things in parallel, necessarily. There's plenty more of this stuff to come, believe me, and you need to have a very strong sense of who they are as people; getting upset at different rates of progress or perceived favouritism can actually be quite unhelpful for both twins because they will pick up on your feelings faster than a whip. At this age a bit of "Wow! An angel! How fantastic and what a beautiful angel you will be" is both true and should go a long way to making your daughter feel better. HTH and that you enjoy the play in the end.:)

Flumberrysauce · 07/12/2004 11:21

Thats life Sandyballs! Life just ain't fair. The earlier they learn it the less of a shock it is when one becomes a pop star and the other an office cleaner.

happymerryberries · 07/12/2004 17:06

Well, there is only one Mary so there is not other 'equivalent' part is there? So I guess your are saying that neither of them can be Mary. Somewhere I am sure a mother is complaining that neither if her twins gets picked to be Mary! It is a school play, and as others have said, life isn't fair.

I'm sure they will have different strengths and weaknesses, they will have different test scores, exam results and boyfriends. Life is just like that.

I just pity the poor primary teachers at this time of the year. They must sometimes feel they can do no right.

Smashingpumpkin · 07/12/2004 17:11

Both my dd twins are chickens in their play, and I wish they had seperate parts so I guess you can't win either way!! I'm sure the teachers are aware of this and find it difficult knowing which way to go!!

SantaFio2 · 07/12/2004 17:17

great name smashingpumkin!:o one of the nest gigs i ever went to

Smashingpumpkin · 07/12/2004 17:19

Me too Grin, great feely good, self indulgent, want to have a cry anything you want it to be music...Love it, especially Siamese Dream!! x

Flumberrysauce · 07/12/2004 17:20

Anyway Mary is a rubbish part she has to give birth without the fun of conception.

I'd much rather be an angel - all glowy and white.

pinkmagic1 · 07/12/2004 18:01

Nothing wrong with being an angel. I always wanted to be an angel but was always a shepherd as I dont have blond hair and blue eyes.

happymerryberries · 07/12/2004 18:03

I was very envious when my best friend got the role of gabriel. I was just one of the Heavenly host. I must admit to a feeling of smug satisfaction when she had a nose bleed in the middle of the concert Blush. Should have picked me, I didn't have one!

Levanna · 07/12/2004 23:15

Agree with the 'identity' importance.......but seeing as it's a one off - could they 'job share'?

WigWamBam · 08/12/2004 09:53

With a nursery nativity the parts all tend to be pretty equal anyway, so it's a shame that your dt thinks that she's "only" an angel. In fact, in my dd's nativity last week, Mary had nothing to do except sit on a chair holding a doll while the angels had lots of movements to remember and a song to sing.

Can't you try a bit of positive thinking to boost her confidence - the angels are the ones that bring good news to Mary, they have prettier costumes with sparkly headdresses, they're really important to the Christmas story, that sort of thing.

I think it's a very positive thing that they haven't both been cast in the same parts - they are individuals and it's good that the nursery recognises this.

Original poster
sandyballs · 08/12/2004 11:01

Thanks for all your messages. Interesting to hear your views and I totally agree that they should be treated as individuals. This has never been a problem really because they are so very different - one is small, skinny and very laid back, the other tall, stocky and a stroppy little madam! I was just a bit sad that one was upset that was all, but like you say life is like that, and I'm sure there will plenty more similar situations in years to come!

The play was yesterday and it went very well - Mary dropped baby jesus and picked her nose, the angels halo fell off .... so all in all a great performance, bless them!

OP posts:
PaRumPumPumScum · 09/12/2004 12:59

The show sounds fantastic, sandyballs! Glad it all came out right in the end.:)

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