Relocating back to the UK and looking for schools

[DareDDaze]

My two kids and I are relocating back to the UK after living abroad. My husband is quite abusive and both the kids have been affected by it. My DS 13 has a range of issues. He's ADHD, impulsive and also finds it difficult to get organised. He cannot read emotional cues and has needed my support with friendships however, he is doing better. He is also disrespectful and backchats to me but I feel thats because of the way he has observed his father treating me.. Academically he does quite well. My DS is 6 and she does not have any issues as far as we have seen so far. I am worried about DS behaviour and wondering if he might have issues in comprehensive schools. Should we be looking at independent schools? I am really interested in any schools that are nurturing and would seem like an ideal fit. Ideally would be state schools as I do not yet have a job etc. . I am open to moving to any area as long as there are options for sports and culture or not too far of a journey from London. We have family in London and the South East. Any advice much appreciated.

At 13 (y8 or 9?) you are out of the normal application cycle so it will be as much down to whatever school has a vacancy in the relevant year group. If you get turned down you can then appeal for a specific one. Otherwise with an EHCP you can name a school to meet his needs but the process to get one would be lengthy and difficult until you arrive. Most areas will not allow school applications until you have a confirmed address and are resident.

Where did you live before in the U.K. and what educational system are your dc currently being taught in? I would go to where you know and a system the dc know if possible. Is diversity important too? Only 7% of schools in the U.K. are private so I would focus on the state system and a family home that meets your needs.

As above. As you are applying out of the normal school entry points, even for independent schools, your choice will be limited to schools with spaces in the appropriate year groups.

The good point is that your elder child is likely to be in a year group that has not yet started on exam courses, so won't have to catch up on these. My 14 year old is in Year 9 and will be choosing his GCSE options this term. If your 13 year old is in Y9 (born between 1-Sept-2008 and 31-Aug-2009) it will help them if they can start school this term, so they can choose their GCSE options.

We lived in Kent but unfortunately my family are not close and we would not get any support so I'm open to other areas. DC have been in American schools, however at home we have always done things my way and I think they may struggle with the discipline in UK schools as their school is private and not as strict. I may need to get DS diagnosed. He plays sports and learns and retains quite quickly. He's also quite laid back but he does have a quick temper. I'm wary of him getting himself into trouble over too many rules he may not be able to follow. Our home environment is quite toxic and I am trying to get through the next 6 months so we can move back.

You mentioned independent schools, is that financially a realistic option? Are you expecting to get a very well paid job very quickly or have grandparents willing to pay? For state schools you will have to find out where there are spaces. You may find it harder with the 6yo as there are class size limits at that age. You wont be able to apply until you have a UK address.

In the UK SS would consider your children to be the victims of domestic abuse. You should look to get them some counselling.

I don’t think most UK independent school have lower behaviour expectations than state schools.

Are you separating from your husband?

Are you legally able to remove the children from the country you currently live in, if that means removing them from their father?

If you will be a single parent, childcare, particularly for the 6 year old, will be a big concern if you plan to work full time. It really would be best to move to an area where you have some sort of support structure - whether friends or family - or you may find life a struggle. Unless you have a large independent income already.

My husband is sending us to the UK. He needs to work where he is for another couple of years for contractual purposes. It was his idea that we go the UK. We cannot leave the country without his notarised consent. We do have some money saved. I would not be able to put both my DC in independent schools. I was thinking to work part time or remote/hybrid or to do supply teaching. I have close family in London that have offered childcare/support. North chingford area. However the private rental housing is very expensive.

Will you have a high income? Being near support would be invaluable but yes London is super pricey.

Look for a home on a train line to Chingford that meets your budget and then look for state schools. Once you have an address and have viewed some schools you can look for more support for your ds. Life is very expensive in the U.K. at the moment so any family help with childcare should be welcomed.

You obviously want to return to the UK, but would you have the option to go to US instead? If they were at American schools, they are 1 year behind the UK system, especially the 6 year old might find it hard to adjust. Maybe you could try and get some tutoring in place before you move to cover the US year 2 curriculum in maths and English before moving him into year 3 in the UK.

Sorry I mistyped. DS 13 , DD6. Yes I will get them some tutoring for the both of them and I will look at the train line to Chingford. That's a very good idea. Actually Chingford is close to Kent and Colchester where the rest of my family is. So it would have been perfect. I might look into 2 bedroom rentals or apartments in the area as my cousin sends her DS to a lovely primary school there, and she has mentioned a Secondary that would be a good fit if we could get him in. as DS is science inclined. I do want to return to the UK as you cannot imagine my life here at the moment we are completely alone and I'm finding it very difficult to keep my sanity as well as having a controlling and domineering husband who completely disregards my opinions and wishes. This is the only thing that is keeping me going at the moment.

You could look for a teaching job in a boarding school? There's generally fee remission for staff, and there will be other American educated kids.

One example.

www.farringtons.org.uk/our-community/staff-vacancies

Avoid Kent! They have an awful reputation for SEN.

The above school is in the London Borough of Bromley, although close to Kent.