Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Education

Join the discussion on our Education forum.

Flip

Original poster

What would you do?? Help please

22 replies

Smashingpumpkin · 02/12/2004 21:01

My dd twins started school in September. When the teachers visited us at home I informed them that they do a little bit of modelling in London ( we live outside London). The teachers clearly were unhappy about this so i haven't taken the girls to any jobs since as it is important to me that they settle in well at school. Both girls have had three dyas off (seperate ocassions) due to a tummy bug that keeps reoccuring. They both returned to school today after a horrendous day off where they were both poorly. When I picked them up I asked them if their teachers asked if they were better, to which they informed me that their teachers asked if they were poorly or had gone to London. I had phoned the school to inform them of the illness and feel compltely undermined that my integrity has been questioned to my children. What should I do?? I am very upset, consider myself to be a good parent etc thanks xx

OP posts:

Freckle · 02/12/2004 21:13

I would complain directly to the head. How dare they question your honesty?? And to ask your children rather than you directly smacks of cowardice.

Original poster

Smashingpumpkin · 02/12/2004 21:42

Thanks freckle, iam so upset and disappointed in a sytem i have the upmost respect for. I'm wary of complaining to the head rather than the teacher in case it causes bad relations in the future. I want to confront the teacher but in these situations I always tend to cry!! So am thinking of writing a letter, also don't want a confrontation in front of my children x

OP posts:

Original poster

Smashingpumpkin · 02/12/2004 22:01

Anyone else please, make me feel better, I am a good parent really!!!

OP posts:

miam · 02/12/2004 22:08

There is nothing you say to suggest that you are not a great parent!! Perhaps you should let it lie for a few days and then have a word with the teachers involved when you are less emotional about it all. You could then let them know directly that their undermining you was unacceptable, I feel that talking to them directly would have more of an impact than a letter. However, if you feel you could not do that without becoming too upset, then a letter is definately the next best thing. And dont be hard on yourself - there is nothing that you did to cause you to be treated this way. x

Mum2girls · 02/12/2004 22:09

If you told the school they were ill, I don't think the teachers should have questioned your twins. See the head - wouldn't go in all guns blazing though.

JJ · 02/12/2004 22:11

Smashingpumpkin, I'd write an honest note telling them that you haven't taken them out for modelling and you're not going to. And ask them, calmly, to ask you if they have questions about the twins' absences and not the twins themselves.

I know you're upset, but it seems like just a bit of an overreaction on the part of the teacher and is understandable, maybe, on the grounds that you mentioned it before. Just remember that they're not judging you - they don't know you well enough yet - they're going on previous situations that you weren't involved in.

Not sure if that's helpful. But do give them the benefit of the doubt.. it'll help your relationship later.

Hope you feel better about it soon!

ItllBeLonelymumThisChristmas · 02/12/2004 22:12

Ask yourself honestly if you are intending taking your children out of school for any modelling work. Do you know what the position is with regard to doing this? I am not attacking you, but as a teacher, I know that absence for any reason other than illness or holiday that has been arranged beforehand with the headtaecher is very much frowned upon. The schools have to publish their attendance records and are very concerned to keep absences to a minimum.

I can understand you being upset that your honesty is seemingly being questioned but if you phoned and told the office why your dds were absent, that message may not have been directly related to the teacher.

JJ · 02/12/2004 22:12

oops - of course you're a good parent! If you had sent them in, that would have been bad.

Original poster

Smashingpumpkin · 02/12/2004 22:19

Thanks lovely mummys. I just feel like I can't let it lie but feel so disappointed that my kids might think badly of me even if there is no reason to. I really don't want any bad jome?school relationships but jst can't let this go. I am the kind of mummy that takes alot of pride in spending lots of time reading and learning with my children(don't we all ) so feel very hurt this hasn't been recognised !! I also feel that the teachers efforts may be better concentrated elsewher, awful as it sounds but very true . Thanks people xx

OP posts:

Original poster

Smashingpumpkin · 02/12/2004 22:20

Sorry lots of typos I'm not coddy in disguise honest!!!!

OP posts:

logICICLE · 02/12/2004 22:27

That's totally out of order - I would definately write to the Headmaster and complain. How dare a teacher question your integrity to your children and how dare she express an opinion on what you do with your children outside of school hours! Cheek. OK, rant over

Original poster

Smashingpumpkin · 02/12/2004 22:42

Thanks so nice to know I am not over reacting !! xx Just feel very sad that the world is in such a state that mums like me have to be questioned xx

OP posts:

Original poster

Smashingpumpkin · 02/12/2004 23:06

it'llbelonelythischristmas- I would NEVER be dishons regarding my childrens absence from school and hev never gave them reason to believe so despite my initial inquiry. As a mummy I have spent huge amounts of time educating and loving my children. To have this questioned hurts lots, I would hope that my childrens abilities speak for themselevs, at fouyr they would not be able to write/spell/read if it wasn't for my time and love. this is why it hurts so much xx

OP posts:

Original poster

Smashingpumpkin · 02/12/2004 23:16

I know there are more of you out there anyone else would you be cross??

OP posts:

koo · 02/12/2004 23:28

You seem very needy of attention. Is there something bigger troubling you?

tigermoth · 03/12/2004 07:34

I know the school's policy is no london visits, but do you think the individual teacher could have been asking the question 'ill or london' in a neutral way? did she actually seem very sarcastic or cross with you when she said it?

If she had not been told why your dds were not there, she might have been asking the question more out of interest, with no big judgement intended. You say your dds have hardly missed any days at school, and you are a supportive type of parent, so the teacher won't have you marked down as a parent whose children are regularly absent or have a problem with school.

Koo everyone needs attention at christmas

Uwila · 03/12/2004 08:11

Oooooo, I'm not at this stage yet because my dd is only 20 months old so doesn't go to school yet. But here are my thoughts:

1- If you feel that your children bnenefit from modeling and that it is worth the price of missing a day of school here and there, then that is your choice, not the school's. So I don't think you are in any way obligated to please the school at your children's expense by telling them they won't be taken out for modelling.

2- I would tell the school that you have made every atempt to see that your children settle in to school in a happy atmosphere and have consequently not taken them out for any special modelling days. And that you will not tolerate having the teacher accuse the girls mother of being a liar upon their return from being sick. What is a child suppose to say to that?

It totally out of line for a teacher to ask a young child if her mother is a liar. She may just be trying to doher job, but as a parent it is your right and priviledge to make these decisions.

wickedwinterwitch · 03/12/2004 18:33

How outrageous! complain to the head.

CaRowlers · 03/12/2004 18:43

Sorry but I tend to agree with Tigermoth - this could have been a totally innocent question. If you didn't witness it, it's hard to know as intonation makes the difference between a genuine enquiry and a sarcastic sort of question. It seems the latter has been presumed here.
How old are the DDs? Old enough to tell the difference?
If it were me, I'd presume innocent until proven guilty.

Thecattlearemerloting · 03/12/2004 18:52

I'm another one who agrees with Tigermoth. The comment might well have been said out of innocence. I dont think you should let it go, however. I think you need to clarify the situation with the teacher (when you feel stronger). Good Luck.

Caligulights · 03/12/2004 19:27

I agree with those who say don't assume that the comment was a suspicious one, it may well have been asked in innocence. But I also agree that you do need to have it cleared up - what you don't want, is a situation where in future every time one of your girls is ill and off school, you don't know whether everyone thinks you've actually been taking them out to model (even if they don't think that!) You could get paranoid!

OLittleYurtofBethlehem · 03/12/2004 19:31

Hi sp my first thought was would the school think differently if they went to acting auditions - i bet if they got a part on telly they would shout from the rooftops that some of their pupils were on telly, in a musical etc. I think school is important but so are extracurricular activities - i dont think an odd day here and there will affect their overall progress at school.

HTH

Flip

Swipe left for the next trending thread