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Original poster

Anyone has dc2 at grammar but not dc1

22 replies

Ifitsmeanttobe · 05/11/2022 10:05

We have a big dilemma about whether to send dc2 to a grammar or not. Our dc1 is at our local secondary living a very social life going out. We feel a grammar is a lot better suited for our dc2 but he would have travel 30 min each way every day. All dc2 can see is how he would miss out on hanging out with his friends locally like his brother does and I can sympathise with him. We have time til next March but feel I need to see If others have been in the same situation and how the decision worked out

OP posts:

southoftheriver · 05/11/2022 10:10

Yes. DS2 is at a grammar and DS1 is at the local comp. It’s worked out fine. DS2 still sees his friends from primary school.

Original poster

Ifitsmeanttobe · 05/11/2022 10:15

Thank you. What year is he in? Has he no made close friends from his current school?

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southoftheriver · 05/11/2022 10:21

He’s in Y10. Yes he has made close friends at grammar school and has kept seeing friends from primary.

PettsWoodParadise · 05/11/2022 14:33

OP won’t the decision be made for you as you will have submitted the CAF?

DD is an only child and at a grammar. She has a number of friends with siblings not at grammar, but all of the children seemed to take the test or had input in the decision.

mdh2020 · 05/11/2022 14:50

30 min journey is absolutely nothing. Each child should go to the school to which they are most suited

MargaretThursday · 05/11/2022 15:33

I think it depends. Ideally they'd each be at the school that is best for them. But there are other things just to think about, because it could cause resentment.

Did dc1 do the exam?
Did they want to go to their school?
Did you give them the option?

If dc1 wanted to go to the grammar, or you told them it wasn't an option, then it's a different matter to if he went to the school that he was best for and/or wanted to go to.

If it wasn't on your radar, then I would advise having a chat with your dc1 before he knows and making sure it's clear that you aren't favouring the younger one, or saying he's far more academic, but more because you didn't think about it.

Original poster

Ifitsmeanttobe · 05/11/2022 16:04

Thanks for replies. My only concern is as I said dc2’s worries about not having local friends and wondered what anyone else who was in the same position did but appreciate its not and every day scenario.
Luckily all the other issues brought up are not applicable to us

OP posts:

Original poster

Ifitsmeanttobe · 05/11/2022 16:19

i have heard quite a few families where dc1 went to grammar but not dc2. I think dc2 especially if they are the same sex very much idolise their older sibling and want to follow their path

OP posts:

Thesoundofmusic23 · 05/11/2022 16:31

Dc1 local comp and happy - dc 2 local grammar and happy. Both offered both options - one wanted it one didn’t. Dc 2 made lots of like minded friends at grammar and also keeping up with old friends. Very different kids. Friendships change so much at secondary I’d pick the school that feels like the right fit for dc2.

Original poster

Ifitsmeanttobe · 05/11/2022 16:56

Thank you @Thesoundofmusic23 that’s helpful. Ds2 was very much on board initially but now reality has hit and potentially only one of his other friends will end up going, he is panicking. Told him once the actual offer comes through and people know for more certain, there will be meet ups in the summer to make friends so it won’t seem to daunting

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ForWorth · 05/11/2022 18:02

That's an hour on the bus each day and friends will live spread out, if you have access to a good local secondary I'd chose that. Well done to your ds for passing the 11+ though, that's a huge achievement. It would feel a bit mean letting him sit it and decide for the local school although I know several parents who have just done that.

SweetsAndChocolates · 05/11/2022 22:37

@Ifitsmeanttobe DS travels 30 minutes each way (by car at the moment).
He is the furthest out in his form (to be honest we were shocked he was offered a place being so far out of catchment).
The friends he's made have organised a meet, it means DS will have to travel a little further (they've chosen the next city as bigger!), but it all seems to be working so far.
I went to school and it was over an hour each way (I don't know how we did it 😂), didn't have friends that lived anywhere near me, but it all seemed to work out (I did have to travel to them for meets etc).

TeenDivided · 06/11/2022 11:17

Like a PP I don't understand.
If your child is in y6 you will have already submitted the form, you'll only get one off on 1st March, so you have effectively 'chosen' already.
Or are you just still trying to persuade DS2 what you have chosen is right?

Original poster

Ifitsmeanttobe · 08/11/2022 09:40

Yes we did, however it doesn’t mean it set in stone. We can reject offer and could probably still get into local secondary. Unfortunately unlike a lot of children, ours isn’t 100% set on going to a grammar and while we think it is best suited for him, we don’t want to make him unhappy so trying to gather similar experiences.

OP posts:

PettsWoodParadise · 08/11/2022 10:21

If you put the grammar first and get it and then reject you would go on waiting list for lower down choices unless you LA does it differently to most. It is very risky as you will be in same pot as those who submitted a late application or moved recently and so if they are higher up the over subscription criteria you may end up with a far away unpopular school.

Original poster

Ifitsmeanttobe · 08/11/2022 12:06

Yes I am aware it’s not ideal and I hope we won’t have to get to that

OP posts:

PeekAtYou · 08/11/2022 12:11

Can you find out from the grammar how many come from your area?
I live in an area that is about an hour from
a grammar school and there's quite a few kids in grammar who come off the bus. I assume that the kids who take the school bus together often end up as friends who see each other in the holidays.

30 mins is a short distance imo. My kids go to a comp where kids take a 30 min bus to get there. Grammar schools will have kids more spread out but worse case scenario they take a bus for half an hour or come home on a later bus for social reasons.

SweetsAndChocolates · 08/11/2022 12:35

@Ifitsmeanttobe I just wanted to add, the school DS attends, had two transition days in July. One was for all the children that were the only ones accepted from their primary schools. It meant they got to know each other before the whole new year 7 transition day.
I'm assuming lots will be in place to help with transition, especially for those that will start without any friends from primary.
If he is worrying about making friends, a lot changes in year 7, so you'll find sometimes children drift apart anyway.

Hope it all works out for your DS.

Original poster

Ifitsmeanttobe · 08/11/2022 13:42

Thank you yes I know children who go there and all have positive experiences. Lots sat the 11+ from his year but until offer comes through, we won’t know how many of them ends up there. I’m sure it’s normal to want to go to wherever most of your friends go (plus your sibling) but as you said @SweetsAndChocolates Year 7 will be a bit of an unsettled year for all regardless of school. We saw that with ds1 and friendships definitely change

OP posts:

Milliways · 08/11/2022 13:47

My DD1 went to local comp and DS2 to the Grammar. He was very determined to go though as thought it was like Hogwarts. Was only 1 from his school that went and soon made loads of new friends. The schools are aware that most come alone and split kids from the same schools across the classes.
also as they all got the bus they used their bus passes to go to each other’s houses or to meet up at weekends.

Pipsquiggle · 21/11/2022 11:49

hello, hope you don't me piggy backing onto this thread but sounds there are a few experienced grammar school parents on here.

Were any of your DC who went to grammar the only one from their primary class to get in? Did they get on OK making new friends?

2 DC passed the 11+ in my DC's class. Just found out at the weekend, the other child applied to different grammar schools so my DC won't know anyone in his new school next September, just hoping he settles in ok

PettsWoodParadise · 21/11/2022 13:59

Were any of your DC who went to grammar the only one from their primary class to get in? Did they get on OK making new friends?

DD was not the only one from her primary school to go to her grammar, there were five but they split them up so she was the only one in her class. The grammar she is in has a 9 mile catchment so it is often the case that only one or at most a handful from a primary go to the grammar. IIRC her intake of 160 came from well over a hundred different schools to give you an idea of the scale! I think it is slightly different where you have a catchment where it is based on pass and then distance as more children are likely to be local.

Yes DD made friends, there were more 'like' her at the grammar and one of the reasons it has been such a good fit. By 'like' I more mean attitude to learning, on the diversity front her friendship group is very wide-ranging both culturally and economically.

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