Nurturing private schools in or near York

[CorporateBull]

DC has just started at a fab secondary in York - in most respects - but just not sure it's right for them. They are autistic and really, really struggling with the size/noise/busyness/behaviour system - they are absolutely desperate not to do anything wrong and get a bad mark against their name, which is very easy to do. They basically miss primary. They don't have an EHCP but do have a support plan. The staff at the school have been wonderful with them but they are working within their own system as they have to do.

We never thought we'd look outside the state sector but given the high levels of anxiety in year 7 we're starting to wonder whether they need a much smaller school, and we could manage fees. But I'm also worried about them at a school with a lot of academic pressure as that would be worse, and they are not an all-rounder so find some subjects challenging.

Can anyone suggest any schools in the area that have small classes but are nurturing rather than hothousing (and that we might be able to get a place in during year 7!). It may be that as they get used to the big school, some of the anxieties go away, but I'm also aware that as academic pressure grows it will get worse and might be better in a more supportive environment.

Possibly Bootham. I know a few kids who have gone there, Quaker school, obviously small class sizes. More holistic than hothousing. Not sure specifically about Send provision though.

Cundall Manor. Really lovely inclusive small school.

Thanks, both. I was slightly worried that Bootham might be a bit too academic but I know it’s not a hot house.

Queen Mary’s at Topcliffe is wonderful. Perfect if your child enjoys a country lifestyle. But only girls - not sure of your DC gender.

Thanks!

DD went to Bootham and it was the best decision we ever made.

Contact the school and talk to the admissions dept and arrange a meeting with the Head. You won’t be committed to anything at this stage. There’s also an Open Morning next week (Sat 12th - I had a quick google as they’re usually around this time) so you’ll get a tour of the school and get to ask questions with your student guides. The deadline for registration will be towards the end of November and entrance exams are around jan/Feb. But definitely have a chat with the school first and they’ll be able to discuss your concerns.

DM me if you want any further info.

Thanks. I think we'll be challenged with Bootham as we're already into year 7 so no idea whether in-year or year 8 entry would be feasible. But I'll get in touch with them.

@CorporateBull Would you mind saying or sending me a PM to say which secondary school it is? We’re in catchment for a very well-regarded secondary school in York with great results, but a colleague has said it wasn’t great for her child with ASD. Just wondering if it’s the same school your child attends.

My daughter is in Year 3 so we’re several years off secondary, but I have some concerns about possible ASD, and whether our catchment secondary would be right for her if this is the case.

St Peters

We Applied for Bootham last year. We ended up withdrawing the application. The interview with the head was just awful. My son has severe anxiety (relating to his ASC) they knew this. All the head seemed to be bothered about was how high maintenance he would be and how much support he would need. He asked DS to sit in the ‘chair of doom’ in the corner on his own when we entered his office! He made no attempt to put DS at ease or really get to know him, asking him all sorts of awkward questions. It was especially awful when he put DS on the spot asking him to reel off what GCSE options he would be taking, long before his teachers had even discussed options. He expressed that he enjoyed cooking and may be interested in taking Food as an option. He was then firmly put in his place by the head saying that “food is a hobby here, certainly not a subject!”
When he was satisfied that DS was actually really quite intelligent and capable he seemed to then go on a charm offensive but the damage had been done.
I fed back on withdrawing the application and have spoken to a parent who’s DC has since applied and started. She had a better experience following this, so credit to them, I think they must have taken it onboard. The head is also leaving soon I hear.
I do know of another parent who has removed their DC from Bootham recently because they weren’t supportive enough of needs related to ASC.
When it comes to DD’s time, we’ll be applying to Peter’s. I’d rather her go to Fulford than Bootham as we’re fortunate enough to have that option.
I would go and visit as many schools as you can, not just on open days (Bootham seemed wonderful and perfect on the open day) but ask for a look around on a normal school day. It’s much easier this way to get a feel for a place. Good luck.

@CorporateBull

I know you haven't specified your DC's gender - but if you have a daughter, The Mount is absolutely fantastic. Gentle, nurturing, kind; has a diverse range of girls; achieves very good results without any pushing (results tend to be due to the staff knowing the girls very well and being able to support them effectively in the areas where they need it).

I wouldn't recommend Bootham. One of my DC went there, and it wasn't a good experience. The teachers are all very good and dedicated, but my DC experienced significant problems with bullying and discipline, as did the DC of several of my friends. All schools have this problem to some extent, but I didn't feel that it was managed appropriately. To judge from what you've said, Peter's wouldn't be a good fit for your child, though for different reasons.

It's hard to find a York school which is really nurturing for boys. I have heard that Fulford is very good with children with additional needs. Sometimes state schools are actually better equipped to support children with additional needs than independent schools are.

Thanks, all. I’ll send some DMs but this is all very helpful.

I second the recommendation of The Mount if DC is a girl. An excellent nurturing school that gets great results but with a focus on each girl striving for their own personal best.

If DC is a girl then the Mount, or St Mary’s, otherwise Cundall Manor for both sexes.
Bootham would not be on my list for for a dc like yours.

Agree that Cundall would be a possibility - but if you're looking out of York, then it might be worth looking at Pock, too.

My sister went to The Mount many moons ago It was a wonderful, nurturing school.

Oh yes, sorry, always thought Pock had a lovely vibe to it, and plenty of friends kids been happy and thrived there

I do like the mount's new head master very much, but the admissions lady is so rude and unprofessional it's off putting.

Whoever said St Peter's... I presume was joking 🙃 It's a great school, but really not suitable for an autistic child at all.

I'd pop along to the open day for Bootham if I were you and take it from there.

The Mount is a lovely, caring school which really gets the best out of each individual. The new head master is also brilliant, if you have a daughter I would definitely recommend having a look there.
Bootham would also be a good option. St Peter’s definitely wouldn’t, like said above it is a fantastic school but does not cater for an autistic child. Good luck.

Read School in Drax (near Selby) is small & nurturing. Depends which side of York you are on, though.

I don't know the schools but in general terms I would be cautious. There will be a smaller pool of potential friends for your dc whereas it might be easier to find your people on a large secondary. The other issue with private schools is that they tend to shuffle out those who do not fit the mould. Emphasis on sport etc may also not be what you want.