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Original poster

My daughters answer made me think twice..:/

26 replies

amorelove · 01/11/2022 23:39

Hi all,

My daughters (twins) go to same independent Girls Only Junior School (GDST) SE. Both my daughters loves their school and doing great academically. But one of my daughter DD1 is super bright, academic. She is not even in year 6 yet but when she does 11+ or SAT mock exams she does super good for her age. I was told that I can move her to Putney High GDST in year 6 so she can study there till 18. But I am unsure if I should move her because she is really happy in her school. She can also try St Pauls Girls, Westminster etc if she would like to but she will need to travel by train and it will take about 1 hour to travel to school. Plus, these school fees are about 10-15k more than our current school per year. We do afford it but is it worth to go for it? Is anyone had same dilemma?

School 1 - stay in the same school with sister and avoid long journey. ? Save 10-15k every year for her future expenses

School 2 - 10-15k more expensive but her more academic/selective school and dont worry about the 2 hours journey ?

Which school would you choose?

In the same time my DD2 never want to change her school or even try 11+ she would like to stay in her current school till 16th Form. She doesn’t like pressure and travelling far as she attends so much after school clubs so she doesn’t want to study far away from home.

But, when I asked DD1 if she would
like to change her school she said “I love my school but I don’t mind trying to move because I think I will make you and daddy happy if I go to top schools” This answer made me feel sad and I told her that she needs to it for herself not for us then she replied “mummy its not just you, all families would like their children to be in best schools. Students take the assesment but parents are in a competition as well”.

I am not a pushy mother, never asked them
to study hard to be the best etc. That was even the reason to choose actually all through school to avoid 11+ stress etc. But I can see that my daughter can have chance to be any school she would like to be so I wanted to give her that opportunity.

I told her that I am still so happy and proud of her if she stays in her current school but she said she trust me and will move if we would like to. So basically she didn’t say exact yes or no.

WWUD?

Many thanks in advance

OP posts:
Bigfishlittlefishcardboardfox · 01/11/2022 23:41

I 100% wouldn’t move her personally. Not a single doubt. It’s clear she would be doing it to please you and that she is doing well and happy at her current school.

Inyournewdress · 01/11/2022 23:46

I went to a GDST school and have a few friends who went to St Paul’s and Westminster. From my experience and talking to them I would certainly not pay extra and travel further to go to St P or Westminster over Putney GDST. Definitely not.

I think you need to ask yourself what you are wanting from this school? If your daughter is really both talented and reasonably hard working, she will do well in any decent school.

Also, I think her answers about parents being in a competition are quite concerning. What pressures are being put on her?

Inyournewdress · 01/11/2022 23:49

I would let the girls stay together at their current school. When a child is happy and doing well in a school, don’t rock the boat. Unless a school is really bad a talented and well adjusted child doesn’t need the ‘opportunity’ to go to more expensive or high pressure schools.

Nappyvalley15 · 02/11/2022 06:03

I wouldn't move her. If she is this bright and in a good school and is happy, she will get the same excellent grades where she is now. Plus she can avoid a 2 hour commute and stay with her sister.

NiceTwin · 02/11/2022 06:08

I wouldn't move her.
I loved going through school with my twin.
I was brighter than my twin and our results reflected that.

User2975976427 · 02/11/2022 07:17

You can't get any higher than a 9 at GCSE. If she is bright its achievable and all of the GDST schools are great independent environments. What possible benefit is there to moving her? She isn't suddenly going to get 10s since they don't exist.

User2975976427 · 02/11/2022 07:18

I also think you're looking at seriously damaging the confidence of the one who remains. You're effectively telling her she isn't as good.

Bramblejoos · 02/11/2022 07:21

I would visit the schools with DD - that'll will give you and her an idea of what it's like (imo you get a feel for a place).
Might even be a good thing to separate the girls to different schools so comments made by previous about her twin feeling inferior would be less likely. But as far as I can see DD2 is fine where she is and not concerned about DD1.

PantyMcPantFace · 02/11/2022 07:23

If she moves sha has 1-2 hours less a day to do homework/extra curricular stuff/socialise. That's 5-10 hours a week.

Why add that commute? It could possibly be detrimental to her happiness/grade/social skills so could seriously backfire.

Feetache · 02/11/2022 07:26

If she'll get too grades where she is there is zero point in moving her.

BendingSpoons · 02/11/2022 07:26

Is her current school stretching her academically? Does she have a peer group she is working with? The more academic schools get better results mainly because they take more academic pupils. If her current school are doing a good job, she is likely to still get the same top grades as if she moved.

I would lean towards not moving her. It sounds like they are both happy. I don't see that the other schools will be worth the extra money and travelling time. Plus there may be an advantage to keeping the girls together. Of course it could also be helpful to split them up if they are competitive at school!

If for some reason you aren't satisfied with the school and their ability to stretch her, then consider visiting the other schools and see what you think.

MyRiverThee · 02/11/2022 07:34

She’s telling you that if she moved it would be for you. If you’re not a pushy mum, then don’t be one. Leave her be. She’s at a good school already, she’s doing well and she’s happy.

Idratherbepaddleboarding · 02/11/2022 07:38

She sounds very bright and articulate so what good would moving her actually do? You can’t get bigger than the top grades so what would be the benefit?

SeasonaIVag · 02/11/2022 07:41

Don’t move her. Like a happy relationship, a happy school life is hard to come by and should be maintained. Two hours a day is also two hours a day less studying/ relaxing which will be needed by a levels!

BookwormButNoTime · 02/11/2022 07:42

I think you choose the right school for the child. I did for my girls, not twins, and very different children. One very sporty, the other very arty.

I think the academic side isn’t a reason by itself to move her. As others have said, she’s happy and a 9 is a 9 and motivated children don’t need to be with other very bright children to achieve - they just need to be happy.

Some children find that all through schools get a bit “stale” because of being there so long but others perform well as it’s a safe, secure and known environment. Some children actually thrive from the change of moving at 11. Be aware that all through schools invariably don’t prepare for 11+ exams so are you prepared to tutor or work with her at home?

To be honest, I would take them both to see a couple of options available to them before making any decisions. It would probably solidify the decision that the other one wants to stay where she is, and the reality of what a move entails is bought to the forefront for the other.

cypresstree · 02/11/2022 07:51

The problem lies in the fact that you have to ask. Can you see that yourself?

Mariposista · 02/11/2022 09:21

Gosh what maturity for such a young child. Please please don’t pressurise her. It is very hard to be a high achiever. Getting there is hard, but staying there is harder.

WhatAboutGiraffes · 02/11/2022 09:27

Don't let her or her twin think their current school isn't good enough and that these other schools are better. Just let them stay where they are, together and happy. There is much more to bringing up a successful child than exam results and I think it's worth keeping them together for the social aspect. I don't believe all bright children will excel at all schools but I do think there's a threshold and above it, the school is "good enough" to help the child achieve their potential.

I'd only move her if she was struggling a bit and needed extra help you could only find in these other schools, and it doesn't sound like that's the case.

soweneo · 02/11/2022 10:16

Wow in one sentence your child has summed up the problem with the selective system - that it can become about the parents' pride in results as much as the right fit for a child.
Give them a childhood - let them be at the less stressful school, with space to grow and stretch and explore as teenagers, not feel that they are helping to contribute to the high results needed for the school's marketing plans.

Original poster
amorelove · 02/11/2022 10:48

@User2975976427 NO NEVER!! My DD2 also so bright she can also have a place if she tries more academic schools 11+. But she doesn’t want, she loves sport, music, drama and dance. And she is in perfect place which offers her really good after school clubs and facilities. I was told by her teacher that she is also in top 3 in her class but she doesn’t like to have pressure. For example they both need to read about 25 mins a day. DD2 stops reading after 25-30 mins but DD1 isn’t like that, she reads until I tell her to stop. She started chapter books so early. Same with time tables DD2 is always above average but DD1 tries to do higher numbers which she doesn’t need to learn until year 7. DD1 goes to coding, science, piona club, DD2 goes to piano, violent , drama, street dance, netball & tennis club. I always proud with both of them and they are both so clever and hard worker. Yes DD1 is more academic but I always so amazed with my DD2 that how she manage to do good with all these topics. They are both unique in their own way like other students. Each child is unique - it doesn’t matter if they are academic or not. As a parent I just would like to provide them the best place to use their potentials.

OP posts:
User2975976427 · 02/11/2022 10:55

But unless you feel your current school isn’t capable of getting her to A grade at GCSE what is the point? She can’t get higher than that. Plus if the school isn’t as academically focussed as some of the other gdst schools then imo that’s a good thing, it’s better to be top of a normal cohort than average in a super selective cohort

FictionalCharacter · 02/11/2022 11:03

Leave her where she is. She’s doing well and says she loves her school. She says she’ll move if it makes you happy, but she’s happy where she is.

Goldbar · 02/11/2022 11:20

What she might gain academically she'll lose in the stress and time taken to commute.

Original poster
amorelove · 02/11/2022 21:31

Thank you so much ladies. I am not going to change her school until she wants to move x

OP posts:
Seebee · 12/11/2022 15:57

Stay where she is. Consider moving for A levels, however, so she gets to try more academic, London schools, later.

Honestly, the transition to secondary can be HARD. If she’s happy, let her stay. Avoid a long commute. No more than 50 mins is optimal! Close by is best.

If it’s clear her current school isn’t supporting or stretching her, after y7, speak to the school. But likely, if she’s top of the year, she’ll get extra support and extension work? Teachers are teachers and her current school will have its share of great and less good teachers, just like the big-name schools, I’d have thought?