Would you go private or state in this situation?

[EducationDilemma]

Hi so I've NC as there's a lot of identifying details in this, but I'm a regular poster.

My son is 3 with a speech delay and applications for primary for his year group open on Tuesday. We are in Dacorum (Herts) on the border with Buckinghamshire.

We are currently waiting for our house abroad to sell and stuck renting. Due to house prices here we will almost certainly be moving to Aylesbury unless things really come down over the coming year.

We viewed a private school we really loved in Watford and we thought we could probably stretch to it if I go back to work (which will be more doable with an 8-6 school day than a 9-3). It's not just the tiny class sizes, it's the extracurricular activities, the range of subjects available when he reaches prep, the music and sports available and the fact they have a track record with my son's SEN.

BUT it will be a real stretch for money, we would probably have to buy a 2 bed instead of a 3 bed house, and we won't be able to afford to send our other child to private.

And we're right next to an outstanding state primary (but no guarantee we'll get in) but oversubscribed so the classes will definitely be full. It's also non-religious which I don't like as we're Christian.

There is also a nearby C of E village school who only took 8 in September for Reception but it's over the county border so no guarantee we'll get in here either, however if we do, he'll be on the right side of the border for support with the 11+ and to keep his friends when he goes to secondary etc so we won't need to change his school after we move.

Would you just assume you'd get into the nearest primary and that, because it's outstanding, your child would be fine here? Or would you send out of area to the village school for smaller class sizes (but it's not outstanding)? Or would you go for the private to give him the best start and then look at state when he's older if he's caught up, knowing you'll probably have to move schools due to the length of daily commute when we finally buy a house.

Our other option is to defer and keep him in nursery for another year but I don't see the need if we can get him into school in reception.

I'm so lost on what to do here, I keep going round and round with it all.

I think you would be better off using any money you have spare for tutoring or therapy and keep your ds in state school. If his sen was detectable from 7 months, there is the possibility that he will need significant support. In some private schools that will mean he is managed out once it becomes obvious or challenging for them.

So your other child would have a state education and have to share a bedroom so that your eldest can go private? Sounds like a recipe for lifelong resentment.

Save the private school fees and invest in private speech and language therapy.

OP, with SEN you yourself will probably have to do a fair amount of work with your DS but you'll be putting yourself under stress to find the fees and work FT etc. Far better to start with the state school and see how it goes - as others have said, you can spend some money on private SLT/OT if necessary and be more available for your DCs.

Your DS and DD will have to share a bedroom so that your DS can go to private school? How will you manage longer working hours if DD does a normal school day?

I think you have been wowed by the private school and aren’t thinking clearly.

@Luredbyapomegranate well… sorry but what is so silly about this? Private education is not all about the small classes. OP will need spend lot of money for private school and if they can not easily afford it is totally unfair for the second child. No or less holidays, activities, day outs because older children is at private school?- I believe that is so silly!

Update: I still didn't get through to our nearest school today, the phone just rings and rings, so despite it being outstanding I am taking it off the list as they are clearly far too busy. That narrows it down. I have now managed to speak to the other two state schools we could reasonably get to and will have a look around. Additionally, we haven't been offered a place by the private school so that's off the table and now it's between a state that's good and renowned for SEN (a PP mentioned Grove Rd) and the nice village primary school. I'll see what they're like when we go.

Thanks for the advice everyone. Even those who didn't RTFT. Lots to think about.

I've just read your thread. I would also have advised caution re Ofsted outstanding schools for SEN, but I'm glad you have a couple of good options to explore

Today is the day after half term in most areas. I wouldn't write the school off just yet (you may also find they respond better to email).

Does the school not have an open day/morning/evening so you can at least look round?

@DeborahVance thank you the two 'good' schools just give me better feels than the outstanding one on all counts. I don't think I fully understand what 'outstanding' means if they're not necessarily going to make things work for all children.

@sheepdogdelight good point and I do think I need to add a third option to the application form so I will bear it in mind. Their website says nothing at all about open days which is why I was trying to ring. I think they're probably rushed off their feet though and maybe they were before the holiday as well.

Are the schools on half term still? In our area many have two weeks half term and then Monday 31st was an inset day so just because you could not get through for two weeks it doesn’t necessarily mean they are ignoring you, they may just not have been there.

Lucky escape op. Private schools are dreadful for SEN.

I thought @minipie's advice was good.

I'm a private school parent and they've been terrific with my DD's SEN but that's just luck really. We didn't know she had SEN when we chose it.

I would also be concerned about a school you can't get through to on the phone. Suggests they don't have office staff.

Something to bear in mind OP - if your DH is a teacher you do have the option later for him to move to a co-ed for the fee discount (has he actually checked by the way that there aren't reciprocal discounts on boys' schools? This is not unusual). Or to a state for priority admission of children of staff.

I've had to do the latter myself.

With the way things are going with the NHS I would definitely save your cash for paying for private therapies, assessment and reports.