Transition from class to after school club

[Evemo]

Hi, my ds recently just started reception and was enjoying the first few weeks. But recently he started asking me every morning whether I was going to pick him up early. I work from 9am to 5:45pm and therefore had arranged for after school club support. The club is within the school property.

I came to understand a 2 weeks ago from one of the mums in his class that my ds during home time joins all the reception kids in the garden and gets to see all his friends being picked up by their parents/guardians. That broke my heart to imagine that my child every day during hometime doesnt stay back in class but joins all the kids outside to be picked up. Once all the children are picked up, does the teacher take him to the club. Last week I took one afternoon off and sure enough ds was anxiously looking to see me in the crowd - that broke me, and the joy on his face when he spotted me.

I did talk to the teacher and she said that its due to resourcing and cant leave my ds alone in class. she added its not just him but other after school children that wait outside with ds as well (I dont if their parents know of this transition). The teacher told me I can ask the office but they will tell me the same thing. Its also not the schools responsibility as the club is a third party org - not sure what she meant.
I talked to the management of the afterschool club and they told me that they dont have the resources to go pick ds up from class. I feel that my ds is too little to be faced with this emotion of rejection everyday when he doesnt see his me in the crowd.

AIBU as to how I am feeling the sadness.
I fear pushing/escalting might affect the teacher and child's relationship.
Any suggestions..
Thank you for taking the time to read and respond.

That's really sad.
When my kids were in primary somebody from the after school club picked the children up from each classroom a few minutes before the others left. (ASC was in the same building) In the morning they walked Breakfast Club students to their class so it was the reverse in the afternoon iyswim

I'm not sure there's much they can do about it.

He'll get used to it. Put a positive spin that he gets to stay and play with his friends a bit longer.

Awr it would break me too!

Can you nip away from work to pick him up?
Set some things up at home until your finished?

At DDs school they collect the ASC children from the internal door and parents pick up from the external door.

Would a childminder pick up work better for him?

Our primary do things the same way. DS2 used to be gutted when I arrived and took him away from his friends who were playing!

This is how it works at DS's school. Once he gets used to it he will be fine, especially if he loves the after school club.
I just explained to DS that mummy and daddy work particular hours which is why he gets to go to the after school club and play.

Although, he gets picked up directly from school twice a week ( once by me and once by DH) so that breaks it up.
Is that an option?

I have been thinking of a childminder. I have started asking around.
Thanks

I have considered this, I am mostly in meetings. The reality is that he is tech savvy and might spend the afternoon watching telly or youtube when I'm not watching him.
Thinking of reducing my hours, so that I can spend more time with him. That can have a domino effect on my work and career.

When I ran an asc. One member of staff went round each ks1 class and collected the ch. all collected before the bell went was the plan. If not then they waited on the carpet, with the teacher stood at their classroom door.
Ks2 ch got themselves there.

My son has just started Y1. One of his friends has a STAP so never used ASC in reception but is now doing two days a week there. I asked his mum if something had changed and she said her kid had begged so much to be allowed to go to ASC that she’d finally agreed to pay for it despite not needing it!

It’s so early in the school year for your son right now. They come to see it as a prolonged play session with their friends and the ones who don’t go feel left out.

One thing that helped us was packing snacks for ASC - my son has a specific “ASC snack box“ so if he looks in his bag and that’s there then he knows I’m not picking him up from school.

I would just tell him that he won’t see mummy in the pick up line, but you’ll collect him from after school club.

Do you know any of the other mums? Could you agree with X’s mum that she will give him a special wave when she picks up her child?

The reality is that he is tech savvy and might spend the afternoon watching telly or youtube when I'm not watching him.

Is that a bad thing for an hour or so? That's what mine does occasionally and it does no harm.

Could you speak to the people at the ASC and ask if someone can collect DS from class? I know of a school where the ASC kids were collected from class five minutes before the bell went.

Isn't there usually a TA in reception? In our school the TA takes the ASC kids round to where the club is, while the teacher takes the others to the gate where parents and childminders collect.

He is going to have to deal with a lot harder rejections in his school life. Pandering to him now and finding an alt is not going to build up his or your resistance.

Let him get use to it, in the great scheme of things it's not that big of a deal unless you make it one!

I'd echo what others have said. Mine didn't generally stay and were quite envious of those who did because to their minds they were staying and playing with friends.

What I would say is if you can negotiate a little flexibility so that when your dc is in plays/school assemblies/meet the teacher you are generally there (obviously you can't always) then I think that will make more difference to him.

Our school is the same OP and it works well. Unfortunately they can’t tailor things for one individual child.