Change schools for diversity?

[Moonpie22]

My DD is in Year 2 at a private school in Surrey. DD joined in reception yet feels like she doesn’t have friends and the kids already partner with each other and she is the last one left. I have also tried to organise play dates but am quite conscious that we are not at the same level financially as most of the other families in class. Our house and car is probably one of the smallest. So there’s that too.
I have struggled to make connections in school as well. Also heard a couple of other mums saying the same thing. I often notice people trying to avoid eye contact with me. It feels like hard work just to be seen and acknowledged.
Tried to volunteer in the parents rep group. I offered to help at an event, was told I would be contacted and then nothing. The event is on Saturday and it doesn’t look like I will be involved. The school is predominantly white and we are not. The other 2 mums are also not white…one of them who has a DD in another year said she found it hard to make friends in this year group. Sorry I don’t mean to stir up anything. Just feeling very sad, isolated and alienated and wondering if it is a good idea to change schools. There is no diversity in the staff as well. I was wondering if DD would have problems as she gets into higher classes with being recognised. She is doing well academically but doesn’t get picked for school council etc.
There is another private school a bit far (not as convenient logistically) but has more diversity and we have a couple of families we know there.
It’s between walking to school/driving (5 mins) vs 20-30 mins.
I don’t want to get to year 5 and feel what if I had changed schools.
I am relying slightly on the fact that we have these 2 families from our social circle in school.
Is it a good idea to change schools at the end of year 2?
Please be kind.

She's at Mount House now, but I was actually talking about her Prep - Salcombe. I think there were only 4 white kids in her whole year group there. Also lots of non-white kids at St Johns. Didn't know St John's had a reputation about that. Seems crazy given how diverse it is. Anyway, it never caused any issues in either school.

@XelaM aah, I don't know much about Salcombe, apart from it used to be known for being quite good.

Ethnic minorities make up 60 percent of private school pupils in London. It’s the only region in the UK where that’s the case based on isi research.

I would definitely move if you're unhappy. But also I would look at state schools if there are spaces in good primaries in your area. This will get me flamed but they can be more welcoming and the parent community is often less 'exclusive' in their mindset. I opted against private to actively avoid some of the parental types who opt for private, if that makes sense. This issue reduces at secondary stage.

Thank you. It really helps to hear different perspectives. True London is the most diverse and will be hard to find that diversity elsewhere in the UK. I think above everything else it’s the feeling of being included and seen. I am an adult learner and my peers are all white and it is a really inclusive and supportive environment; such a different experience!

I often hear this on Mumsnet, but I have honestly never met a parent that wasn't nice and normal at my daughter's schools and she has been at three different North London private day schools. All seem to be very normal and friendly. Never had an issue 🤷‍♀️ Maybe it's different at the more exclusive boarding schools.

The end of year two is a good time to move — it's pre-prep to prep if you have more boarding-focussed schools, and even in areas where most DCs don't board there might be senior schools whose junior departments start at year three so there's likely to be some shuffling.

It's a much more natural moving point than moving halfway through infants or juniors I would think.

State schools tend to be full of parents too busy smoking and claiming benefits to make friends with eachother. I opted for Private to avoid these parental types

Of course that’s completely untrue and unfair to make such a sweeping generalisation

Separately to whether you move your children, you need to be talking to the reception teacher about your daughter feeling left out. They need to be taking steps to try and avoid that - putting different children together to do things, rather than leaving them to choose their partners all the time. Maybe there's direct racism, maybe it's the case that some of these children have only really met rich white kids and are sticking to people who seem more like them, but it's the teacher's job to combat that.

I do think before you take the step in moving you should talk to the school. Tell them the problem and they might be able to help. They can’t really help you with the problem if they are unaware of it

As a Black women I'm currently in therapy to work through the pain and trauma been in a white majority school caused me. I endured quite bad racism and the one school I didn't endure overt racism but microaggressive comments has also impacted me.

its hard and can lead your child to develop issues, I would move.

@Kellie45 @lanthanum I did that last year and first time it was taken well, second time not so much. Currently trying to watch how my daughter feels in year 2. It is interesting though that there are 3 in tables in class, 4 ethnically diverse children but the tables are not evenly split with a mix. One table has only white children who do play dates and stuff so I think that it could be that these children stick with the familiar and have their little group and want to be partners with each other. I hesitate to be the mom that keeps pointing these things out to the teacher…feel like it would ruffle some feathers and not be good for my daughter.

@MotherOfRatios I am sorry you had that experience. That’s what I feel, there is no point in being in a toxic environment. I am also trying to figure how much of it is about me because I have had these experiences too and am very sensitive to it.

I think your concerns are valid and you should go with what you feel is best